Fake Equity release ?

Cakeguts · 2 January 2019 at 9:31PM

A house is a lump of bricks that you live in. The fact that someone was born there and inherited the house doesn't give them the right to carry on living there if they can't afford it. I don't expect any of you or your siblings are going to want to live there when your parents die and it could quite easily be sold to pay for care if they need it so it makes no difference if the house is sold then or now.

What you and your sister are doing is allowing your parents to live above their means in a house that they can not any longer afford.

Why do they not have any form of pension? What has happened to the state pension?

It isn't the job of children to support their parents financially it should be the otherway round.

Your parents need to take more responsibility for their actions and stop relying on your for money. They should get the state pension. What has happened to that? The fact that it may not be enough for them to carry on living their nice lifestyle in a nice house is nothing to do with it. They need to learn to live on what they get. The point is if you get ill and can't work you won't be able to do this anymore and that money that you are giving them should be going into savings for you so that you don't finish up in the same position later.

If they can afford to give away £15k they don't need your money. It is up to them to spend that first not take money from you.

BLOW_FLY · 2 January 2019 at 11:53PM

OP, from what you’ve described the chances of your brother and his wife securing ER from their property from 20th December till today are zero to none.

Your parents however (who sound like they might own their house outright) may well have been the ones that did the ER, did you consider that?

BF

Brum2312 · 3 January 2019 at 12:43AM

BLOW_FLY wrote: »

OP, from what you’ve described the chances of your brother and his wife securing ER from their property from 20th December till today are zero to none.

Your parents however (who sound like they might own their house outright) may well have been the ones that did the ER, did you consider that?

BF

I'm meeting my sister for dinner tomorrow evening to discuss our options, before we go to speak to our parents at the weekend.

My girlfriend have been chatting about it for days however have spent the last hour or so seriously considering our(my) options.

Rather than turning this into a family confrontation which isn't going to have a positive outcome. I think I like the idea of an equity release for my parents. This will free up a few hundred a month for myself and more stress than I care to deal with.

The reality is my sister and I have fantastic jobs and the inheritance of their property (approx value 150k) split three ways is relatively inconsequential to us. I'm not being flippant about this amount of money, but simply if my parents under the current situation will cost me more than the 50k I would potentially inherit.

If my parents then chose to give all of this money to the wasteful member of the family that's their business. I think I will be better off getting on with my own life and cutting them loose financially and perhaps socially.

Personally for me, and I'm rambling now and not really asking for advice... If my parents and brother are willing to be deceitful despite us going above and beyond to make their lives more comfortable, (I haven't mentioned the many bail outs to my scroungy brother over the years) I literally don't need this kind of drama in my life.

Without sounding like one of those Jeremy Kyle people, I think I'm actually "done" with my parents and brother.

Cakeguts · 3 January 2019 at 1:09AM

There is just something else you might like to consider. Is your scroungy brother your parents favourite child? If he is then you need to understand that you can't buy your parents respect by giving them money. All that will happen is that they will pass it on to their favourite. If he has always been the favourite that would make him a bit scroungy because he knows that he is the favourite and parents will always provide. Depending on how favourite he is will depend on whether you and your sister are left anything in your parent's will. It is not uncommon for parents who have a favourite to leave their entire estate to that one child.

In my family there was a dynamic going on that was caused by my mother. My sister was her favourite child and my brother the next favourite. I was the one she didn't like. When it came to the will I was left 10% and my siblings 45% each. I only got the 10% because my father stepped in. My mother I am convinced would have cut me out althogether because that is the pattern in families where there is this dynamic that my mother set up. I have told you this so that you can understand that not all parents leave money equally. It is well to be prepared and to plan accordingly. We used to give my mother money from time to time to help her and she used to hand it on to the two favourites so you might like to just have a bit of a think about what might be going on in regards to your scroungy brother and your parents.

In the long run it doesn't help your brother for your parents to give him your money because once your parents are no longer alive the cash will dry up but by then he will have come to depend on spending it. So the sooner his free money can be cut off the better for him in the long run.

Brum2312 · 3 January 2019 at 2:53AM

Thanks Cakeguts!

I would say my brother is the favorite, but he hasn't benefited from the financially before. Or maybe he has and we aren't aware of it. I suspect this isn't true as honestly my parents have been your average working class types that give every minute/penny/love to their kids. I literally can't fault them as parents other not being ambitious enough to get better paying jobs. But hey, perhaps my life wouldn't be as rosie if it wasn't for them holding down a stable job/home etc.

My brother is the only one who has provided grandkids for my parents... and by grandkids i mean 5 kids and he is only 26! Thus by default making him the favourite in my parents eyes.

His wife occasionally works in a pub, they have more debt and outgoings that I could believe possible.

They live close to my parents who babysit the kids a lot. Where as my sister and I have "proper jobs" and only see our parents once a month or so and speak to them a couple of times a week. If I'm being brutally honest, my sister and I have pursued our careers and are each on 100k+ salaries. Where as my brother is a roofer. I guess what I'm saying is there is a vast distances in our lives in almost every aspect, especially financially.

It may sound strange on a MSE forum, however this issue isn't actually about money. I'd happily give my parents far more if I felt it was necessary. If my brother was in a real pickle, id lend him 15k

However this deceitful secretive tactic they have employed is quite literally the reason I am still awake at nearly 2am and have to get up for work in 4 hours! The whole thing is a stab in the back.

I'll pick this up tomorrow during my lunch break...

Any recommendations for an equity release firm/broker?
Anything I should look out for?
I'll speak to my sister tomorrow but I think I'm going to play this the way we have been played and sell the all the positives of being financially independent through this ER plan. They can pay for their own holidays from now on and gift whoever whatever they like!

quotememiserable · 3 January 2019 at 3:19AM

You know from all you've said on here, and well done for doing it, really is it worth the fight? You don't really resent your brother the money, so why give it with strings attached. Just let everyone know that it is you (and your sister I think) who are giving the money.

david_a · 3 January 2019 at 9:13AM

“Any recommendations for an equity release firm/broker?”

Obviously the firm your brother used. They sound very efficient.:rotfl:

lookstraightahead · 3 January 2019 at 10:27AM

Eek! What a mess. My parents have two children myself and my brother. I'm female and my career wasn't important, so every time my brother needed financial support for his studies, they helped him out. I paid for my own.

Rock on 20 or so years, we are both reasonably successful but they have no interest in what I do for a living. Nothing changes.

However, they love us both so I will never have the discussion with them as it would hurt them. I guess he's never been as confident as me so they've probably always had to keep an eye on him more.

What I'm trying to say is that as parents they probably see you and your sister as independent adults - they don't need to worry about you, so all energy and worry is for their son. You need to ask yourself what outcome you want.

Good luck this isn't an easy one x

tante · 3 January 2019 at 1:42PM

Cakeguts wrote: »

In my family there was a dynamic going on that was caused by my mother. My sister was her favourite child and my brother the next favourite. I was the one she didn't like. When it came to the will I was left 10% and my siblings 45% each. I only got the 10% because my father stepped in.

That was very sad to read.

Pixie5740 · 3 January 2019 at 2:00PM

You don't need to find an equity release broker. Your parents are adults, if they need to release equity from their home they can find one themselves. You just need to decide if you want to keep funding your parents' lifestyle and by extension your brother. Would I be annoyed if I were subsiding my parents so that they in turn could subsidise my brother, yes I would, but I'd be more annoyed about the deceit.