Will My Husband Ever Find Out If His Father Died?

Red-Squirrel_2

I strongly suggest you post on the students board, as what you are really after is help with funding uni. The posters there are experts on that.

fallen121

Mr Fallen fell out with his Mother some years ago whilst visiting his parents. The quarrel was initiated by her in a public place, was not expected, quite vindictive and was clearly the result of something that had been brewing in her mind for some time. My husband quietly explained to his Dad that he felt it best that he cut his visit short (he stayed long enough to help out with some DIY tasks so no bad feelings between them at least) and he left with as much dignity as he could manage for an 8 hour drive home but was clearly very hurt and angry. On his return, there was no contact between him and his parents (they lived in England, we live many miles away in Scotland), nothing malicious but more of a "I'm not phoning them until they call and apologise" sort of situation. And we can't exactly pop round.

As time passed my husband was not too concerned at the radio silence but it bothered him that his parents suddenly cut out our daughter who had never had any part in the quarrel, was not present and was very young. After a few years had passed my husband wrote to his Father asking if he could at least send our daughter the occasional birthday or Christmas card. They had previously sent money and presents but this all stopped abruptly. She is the only granddaughter and was being punished for something she had no part in. What happened next was that our daughter received a card on her birthday. We left her to open this on her own unaware that it contained a letter. Only when we heard her anguished cries and she ran to us in tears and showed us the letter did we become aware that it was a letter from my Father-in-law saying that her Grandmother had died several years before and describing her last hours in detail.

To say I was angry doesn't begin to describe it. To send such a letter to a 12 year old was NOT what my husband meant when he asked his Father to "send the occasional birthday card". The details of her death were quite graphic and upsetting even for an adult, let alone a 12 year old. The letter was quite long, about 6 or 7 pages. Also my husband was upset for months that his Mother had been dead for so long and he had never been told. He also has a sister who also went "no contact" at about the same time . He was unable to contact her after her house, car and phone were repossessed due to debt problems (he was told this on his last visit to his parents and later looked up and found multiple CCJs recorded against her last known address) and she had already lost her job due to excessive sickness absence and had previously borrowed money from me.

Reading through the letter, it seems that my Mother-in-law had reacted badly to my husband's departure. She had demanded that all photos of him be destroyed and his name not be mentioned and even though she had been dead for several years my Father-in-law had chosen not to tell us "out of respect for her memory", whatever that means.

None of this involves us, but my husband is now becoming concerned that if his Father dies (he must be late 80s now) he might be left to sort out the estate. I don't think there is much in the way of money. The last time he spoke to his Father he was informed that the house was mortgaged up to the hilt, all savings were gone and they were living on the remains of equity release and loans. The thing is, he was originally (as the eldest son - we don't know how to contact his sister since her eviction) named as the executor. He assumes that in the light of everything that has happened - Mother's death, estrangement etc. that a new will has been made and he won't be executor anymore. But he doesn't KNOW and wills are not matters of public record and don't become so until someone dies and the will is probated. He doesn't even know, if his Father does die, if there is even any right for him to be told by the acting solicitor? We've tried to look this up but it isn't clear. Presumably if there is no living spouse, the will has been changed and the sister pitches up to deal with everything, he won't be involved and that will be that? Does an acting solicitor even ASK if there are any other family? Do they have to?

The thing is, my husband is currently very ill and unable to travel. So he doesn't want the management of a complicated estate to be landed on him without warning, or to be pursued for any debts (we're not expecting to be chased but our address is on the original will and baliffs can be very persistent). But he also doesn't want to write to his Father again after what happened last time or even be involved as the whole thing is just a mass of raw emotion for him. I have found an online site which allows me to check online for deaths from time to time so am reasonable sure he's still alive, but we have a very common name - think "John Smith" and so it isn't exactly easy even within a single county.

Should we just sit tight and wait and see what happens, or is there any way of refusing executry if it transpires that the will has not been changed? Presumably in that instance the acting solicitor would take over?

elsien

If he does turn out to be an executor then as long as he doesn't start doing things with the estate and intermeddling, there is a form he can fill in to renounce being an executor and step away from it all. That's what my parent did with a messy estate when a sibling passed away.

He could arrange the funeral if he wished, but must not do any more than that. 

Sea_Shell

What a sad story.   

As elsien says, he doesn't have to do anything, if he doesn't want to.

Flugelhorn

Very sad re breakdown of family - but understandable, families can be odd things

re the advice above - if he is very distant then you won't know of the death and unless he leaves your contact details for someone to contact you then you are unlikely to know - in that case then a funeral will be arranged by the hospital or the local authority.
You really don't have to deal with the estate and TBH it sounds like it could be difficult with creditors etc. 

Skiddaw1

So sorry OP- what a difficult situation. Family estrangements are so complicated and messy aren't they?

I agree with the above. If/when your husband discovers his father has died and if he is still named as executor just renounce and walk away. I hope your husband's health improves.

Mojisola

fallen121 said:

The thing is, he was originally (as the eldest son - we don't know how to contact his sister since her eviction) named as the executor. He assumes that in the light of everything that has happened - Mother's death, estrangement etc. that a new will has been made and he won't be executor anymore. But he doesn't KNOW and wills are not matters of public record and don't become so until someone dies and the will is probated.

The thing is, my husband is currently very ill and unable to travel. So he doesn't want the management of a complicated estate to be landed on him without warning, or to be pursued for any debts

Should we just sit tight and wait and see what happens, or is there any way of refusing executry if it transpires that the will has not been changed?

As the others have said - no-one can be forced to become an executor.

If it would put his mind at rest, this lays out the legal requirement -

www.thegazette.co.uk/wills-and-probate/content/100321

and this is all that has to be filled out -

www.gov.uk/government/publications/form-pa15-apply-for-renunciation-will

badger09

You posted something very similar, though with slightly different emphasis, recently.
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5944284/will-my-husband-ever-find-out-if-his-father-died/p1
Not sure what you think posters can add?

Flugelhorn

badger09 said:

You posted something very similar, though with slightly different emphasis, recently.
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5944284/will-my-husband-ever-find-out-if-his-father-died/p1
Not sure what you think posters can add?

well remembered Badger - it seems now that the parents must have spent all the money the OP was hoping to spend on Uni education. 

badger09

Flugelhorn said:

badger09 said:

You posted something very similar, though with slightly different emphasis, recently.
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5944284/will-my-husband-ever-find-out-if-his-father-died/p1
Not sure what you think posters can add?

well remembered Badger - it seems now that the parents must have spent all the money the OP was hoping to spend on Uni education. 

LO my memory is not what it used to be as I hurtle towards my 70th . It was the detail about the child's birthday card that rang bells.