*sigh* this may take a while

ohdearhowdidthathappen

Will start from August payday, this month is hammering us.  We had a break away and usual summer hol expenses.

DD got rubbish (for her) grades in her A-levels, which is unsurprising as she did NO work.  She's lost the lucrative apprenticeship that she had in place because of her grades.  Bit of an unpleasant life lesson for her, companies don't pander to lazy teens.  Who knew? 
She needs to resit 2 of them and then start looking again.  Extremely frustrating.  

Yankee24

oh, I am sorry - for you.  Try to stay firm,   We have been there.  Bailing them out doesn’t work and sets a bad precedent.

ladyholly

This might be the making of her. You can hope so. As Yankee24 says stay firm and dont try to bail her out.

crunchy_time

ohdearhowdidthathappen said:

Will start from August payday, this month is hammering us.  We hi had a break away and usual summer hol expenses.

DD got rubbish (for her) grades in her A-levels, which is unsurprising as she did NO work.  She's lost the lucrative apprenticeship that she had in place because of her grades.  Bit of an unpleasant life lesson for her, companies don't pander to lazy teens.  Who knew? 
She needs to resit 2 of them and then start looking again.  Extremely frustrating.  

Sorry to hear this but perhaps it’s going to be a huge lesson for her.

August has hammered us too so you are not alone in that respect!

savingholmes

Sorry to hear your news. It's frustrating as a parent to watch your kids struggle unnecessarily - but you really can't put an old head on young shoulders. Hope she finds a good route forward.

savingholmes

I think social media pressure at times like this doesn't help either. Hopefully this will be the making of her. School results aren't everything. Did she get her A levels at all? If so later in life that will matter more than grade. Keeping her MH up and keeping her safe are the top priority. Lots of people do badly at school but excel after... 

EssexHebridean

Harsh I know but I'll agree with those saying just maybe it might give her a needed life lesson - particularly when she suddenly realises she's now losing out on the things she'd undoubtedly been planning to do once she had a "proper" income with still very low outgoings... And yep, I'll also add weight to the "don't bail her out" argument - I'm guessing (from everything you've said here, I'm in no doubt in fact!) you were supportive and encouraging of her putting the work in, she chose not to do that, and yes, she does need to understand that choices have consequences. 

ohdearhowdidthathappen

Thanks all

We're happy we did all we could to support her studies.... even she can't find anyone to blame but herself, which is a new thing!  She seems fine, looking forward to a chilled few months apparently!  Her savings will run out and then she'll have to come up with a plan.

She got Ds... considering she could have got As, that's pretty bad and won't get her the sort of apprenticeship/training program she wants to do.  She can resit, but I'm not convinced she'll do the work still.  We've told her if she's not resitting, she'll need to get a job.  We won't charge rent/keep for a year in the hope she's not finished with education, but that's it.  No handouts etc

ladyholly

I would tell her no resits then she has to get a job and pay something towards her keep. If she does neither then dont do anything for her and keep her food to the most basic (even I am not mean enough to starve her). No new clothes, make up, outings etc. There is no reason for her to be sponging off you. She is an adult and must learn to be an adult if she wants to be a child then treat her aa naughty one who has lost all her privileges.

MalMonroe

ohdearhowdidthathappen said:

Will start from August payday, this month is hammering us.  We had a break away and usual summer hol expenses.

DD got rubbish (for her) grades in her A-levels, which is unsurprising as she did NO work.  She's lost the lucrative apprenticeship that she had in place because of her grades.  Bit of an unpleasant life lesson for her, companies don't pander to lazy teens.  Who knew? 
She needs to resit 2 of them and then start looking again.  Extremely frustrating.  

My daughter was (still is) particularly bright and if she had received rubbish grades in her A Levels (for which she worked very hard) she would have been devastated. However,her friend (who wanted to be a doctor) was harassed so much by her parents that she did very little work for her A Levels and didn't receive the high grades she needed to study medicine.  

I honestly do not think that teens are 'lazy'. Why didn't your daughter do the work? Were you able to have discussions with her while she was meant to be studying? I ask because it could be that she may have been, or may still be ill (depression for example is common). Your daughter might not want to go into higher education or an apprenticeship but doesn't know how to broach this discussion with you so deliberately didn't try. She could be a person who needs lots of encouragement too but I certainly think it would be worth your while sitting down with her and asking her exactly how she feels, what she wants in the future and letting her know that she has your full support, whatever she would like to do. It is frustrating I do agree but I imagine that her true feelings are actually of horror, knowing that she has ability but has not done as well as she could have done. 

There are many alternative training courses and your daughter may be able to apply for one of those. But maybe she hasn't told you yet what she'd really like to do. While she's sorting things out, she could perhaps take on a part time job in a shop or cafe or something, that's what my daughter did in the time between leaving school and starting uni. It gave her a sense of being useful and also, of course, the wage was nice although not very large.