*sigh* this may take a while

ohdearhowdidthathappen

For such a short month, February is dragging!  
The schools are all closed today, seems an over reaction as it's not particularly windy, but kids are all very happy about it.  Half term next week, so it kind of just extends that really.  I haven't bothered taking annual leave during Feb half term, DH is !!!!!! the 3 days I'm working so it's covered and I'll think of nice things to do with them on my 2 days off.  Maybe cinema one day and meet up with friends the other.

ohdearhowdidthathappen

We both get paid next week.... it'll clear up all lingering balances and reset us from Christmas finally.
DH and I were talking yesterday about how we still seem to be unable to stick to a budget properly.  Didn't get on with YNAB and rubbish with spreadsheets.... I think in general we just need to say 'no' more!  Monzo lets you set budgets... we're on a mission not to use CC, Next or PP now they're cleared, if everything goes through Monzo it should be easier to track everything.

EssexHebridean

As a rule when budgets are proving difficult to stick to it’s because there’s figures that aren’t right - so people underestimate or rely on what they think they can get away with spending in certain areas for example. Food is often a primary one - people set a budget knowing it’s below what they spend, but they want to get to that level because they feel they should - but for them, it’s just not sustainable either because someone has specific dietary needs which come up expensive but are non negotiable, or simply because there are foods that they as a family really enjoy and giving those up would affect quality of life. We’ve just increased our grocery budget (food, cleaning stuff, occasional toiletries and some - but definitely not all - booze) from £175 a month to £200 partly due to price rises but as much as anything because of that quality of life aspect. 

Time to compete the SOA form again DFW-newbie style maybe? As in, get all paperwork - whether real or virtual - together for the last year and fit everything spent into categories, and see what that gives you? If it is an underestimation there somewhere that should at least confirm where, and why. 

mark55man

ohdearhowdidthathappen said:

We both get paid next week.... it'll clear up all lingering balances and reset us from Christmas finally.
DH and I were talking yesterday about how we still seem to be unable to stick to a budget properly.  Didn't get on with YNAB and rubbish with spreadsheets.... I think in general we just need to say 'no' more!  Monzo lets you set budgets... we're on a mission not to use CC, Next or PP now they're cleared, if everything goes through Monzo it should be easier to track everything.

I am trying to do all spending on one account.  I agree with you on YNAB but its circular you're not good at budgeting therefore YNAB doesn't work for you.  I love spreadsheets but not entirely sure they help, I think what helps is some level of predictability and with young ones I always found that impossible.

That said my attempt at a new start with a building project in flight is challenging

good luck to you though!! 

lucielle

I had an idea of the style they liked but picked them myself and got the engraving done.
L

ohdearhowdidthathappen

Lucielle, such a lovely idea.  Entitled teen is so picky though, I wouldn't risk buying her something she might not like and I couldn't return. 

Money is such a flash point with her, we're back to arguing constantly about what we 'should' be paying for and how tight we are in comparison to 'everyone else'.

Recent examples (literally within last fortnight)-
-Driving lessons, we've said we'll pay for 10 which I feel is loads as will be about £350.  That's apparently tight as everyone she knows has had ALL their lessons paid for.
-18th Birthday - she's expecting about £1k spent on her as that's the norm.  I've made it clear we will not be. Tight.
-Laptop... her one is old and laggy.  Wants a new one after she finishes year 13.  I've said we'll look at it if/when she goes to uni or gets an apprenticeship.  That's tight too apparently.
-After A levels, a group of them are going on a UK break.  I've offered to pay for accommodation (£150) and apparently that's tight as others are getting £250-500.

Honestly, it's exhausting.  I've said to DH that from now on we'll say what we're willing to contribute and everytime she calls it tight, the amount will automatically halve.  We work hard and to constantly have stuff thrown back in our faces is very demoralising 

I've told her that she's got a job now and once her Alevels are over she can increase her hours and save.  Her child trust fund also matures soon.  She then needs to prioritise where she spends it; laptop, driving, travelling etc and with our contributions all of it would be doable probably.  I was very calm and she literally just laughed at me and said I was pathetic expecting my child to cover my shortcomings in being able to provide!  I was fuming!

Drawingaline

I am glad my girl is quite good with money.

As I said before we agreed to fund driving lessons but then we're going to take the 1k in her trust fund back to repay it. As it is we are in a much better place financially so we have funded this.

She funded a MacBook. Her laptop was shot and we would have replaced it with another £250 one, but she knew she would be going on to uni to do a subject that needed a MacBook so I bought it on interest free and she paid it off in 9 months. 

She is getting 1k from my parents and £500 from in laws for her birthday alongside the 1k in her trust fund. We will probably end up spending around £300 in total on her birthday which I think is a huge amount!

She also wants to go away in the summer, but she will be funding this herself. We may give a bit of spending money, but tbh she earns almost as much as me per month! She is good at saving so I don't nag too much. She is very aware of what we can afford to fund at uni and what she will need to pay for.

I agree with you about the laptop, no point getting one now if it is no use in six months and I would be inclined to say you will pay for the holiday but it will be her 18th BD present. Would cap the amount spent on the birthday to something quite a bit lower and then say you will pay for driving lessons. Put it back on her. Say here is the four things you want here is the money available, where are your priorities.

But I also like you idea of halving it every time she calls you tight 😂

CRANKY40

ohdearhowdidthathappen said:

 I was very calm and she literally just laughed at me and said I was pathetic expecting my child to cover my shortcomings in being able to provide!  I was fuming!

That statement alone would have reduced my parental contribution to zero.  

ohdearhowdidthathappen

Thanks EH and Mark
You're both right, I think there's an element of denial and burying our heads in the sand so we don't have to face where all our money is going and tighten up accordingly. 
I think keeping everything in one place will help....  I'm thinking we should count March 1st as day one.  Spend more mindfully within a budget we think is fair and then monthly have a look at where it's going.  After a few months we should then be able to set a more realistic budget and maintain it. 

Very roughly:
DH income - £4550
Mine - £1450
My private shifts £1000

Total £7000

All our DDs - £3300
Food - £800
Childcare £400
Petrol £100
Personal spends DH £100
Personal spends me £100
Clothes £200
Presents £100
Entertainment £250

Total £5350

So those pots are quite generous I feel and we 'should' have a very healthy surplus while I'm doing these extra shifts.  Even if/when I don't we should have £650 a month spare and we definitely do not :-/

Drawingaline

Just re read your post and see you are planning on doing the, here is the pot, you decide. Best way I think

I will just say though, that learning to drive at 17/18 even if you have no plans to have a car can be very beneficial. Hubby failed at 17 never did pass (tried again in his 30's) which has been a massive pain (to me!) As an adult. Which is why I am keen to ensure our kids have the full opportunity and access as soon as they feel confident. Maybe that colours my feelings on funding them though.