*sigh* this may take a while

ohdearhowdidthathappen

Drawingaline said:

I also love driving, I would hate not to be able too!

We watched squid game. We have always liked wierd Asian films though, have a good few from 20/30 yes ago and will always watch with subtitles rather than dubbing. We enjoyed it, but much preferred Alice in Borderland, similar idea but with a fantasy element so a little less gritty, but no less violent! Korean series on Netflix can be very good, I watched one called Black which I really enjoyed. 

Your half term looks good. We have in laws visiting tomorrow, but I am working right through, as is hubby, I have Friday afternoon off to drive to Cornwall to look at a uni on sat but otherwise we won't be doing anything special. However with the amount of work I have lost this month we can't afford to do anything anyway! Me, hubby and the girl have a trip to a theme park booked in November but that was cheap as is a day hubby's work have booked out the whole park. 

Will have a look for Black
To be honest, if I'd known how much time I'd have off for various isolations, I'm not sure if I'd have taken half term off

I remember now, your hubby works for the same company I used to have one of weekend jobs at.  I miss those theme park days, they were so good!  So cheap and no queuing, bliss

ohdearhowdidthathappen

The joy of Monzo meant I could draw DHs wage this afternoon  
Paid off the CC completely, paid half of Next (the part that would have attracted interest) and what I needed to, to not incur interest on PP too. 
Came to £762 which is our 'spare' money for the month.  Not worried about leaving it tight as have got a couple of extra shifts booked over the next week or two that will top our account back up.  If I end up doing anymore extra shifts, I'll divert the wage straight to Next or PP.  I'm on a mission to clear them by the end of '21.

Drawingaline

Yes, the theme park days are brilliant. Although I took the girl to one a couple of weeks ago and there were no queues then, full of preschoolers, but very very quiet.

EssexHebridean

Been lurking and reading here for a title while now - your diary is a great read and it’s good to see how much you have achieved - do remember how hard fought it has been though and don’t lose a grip on things now. I have a real “down” on PayPal credit because it tempts SO many people into debt - it makes me really mad! 

As for your Entitled Teen - I’m seething on your behalf! Absolutely agree you have a right to courtesy as a minimum - and if she was half as grown up as she clearly likes to think she is she’d understand this. I had a paper round plus summer work at a riding school from 13 - 16 and was then working full time, at which point a third of my pay went to Mum & Dad as keep. I funded my own driving lessons and bought my first car too - there simply wouldn’t have been the money in the household to have things any other way. Have to confess that her attitude towards needing to help with paying her way through Uni would have me reminding her that going at all is a privilege not a right - I agree with others who said that it does feel these days as though kids are encouraged to believe it is a given that they are expected to go - and that’s wrong. It’s definitely not right for everyone, or ever family, as a wider picture. Keep taking deep breaths and counting to ten - you have the patience of a saint! 

ohdearhowdidthathappen

EssexHebridean said:

Been lurking and reading here for a title while now - your diary is a great read and it’s good to see how much you have achieved - do remember how hard fought it has been though and don’t lose a grip on things now. I have a real “down” on PayPal credit because it tempts SO many people into debt - it makes me really mad! 

As for your Entitled Teen - I’m seething on your behalf! Absolutely agree you have a right to courtesy as a minimum - and if she was half as grown up as she clearly likes to think she is she’d understand this. I had a paper round plus summer work at a riding school from 13 - 16 and was then working full time, at which point a third of my pay went to Mum & Dad as keep. I funded my own driving lessons and bought my first car too - there simply wouldn’t have been the money in the household to have things any other way. Have to confess that her attitude towards needing to help with paying her way through Uni would have me reminding her that going at all is a privilege not a right - I agree with others who said that it does feel these days as though kids are encouraged to believe it is a given that they are expected to go - and that’s wrong. It’s definitely not right for everyone, or ever family, as a wider picture. Keep taking deep breaths and counting to ten - you have the patience of a saint! 

Hi EH

It has been hard fought and I think we forget that ourselves sometimes, we've only had this income level the last few years and it's been a juggle having children, working, studying, renovating etc
I agree with Paypal, it's a slippery slope.  Anything over £100 can be paid off over 4 months at 0% and it's easy to go 'oh, that's only £25 a month'.  But if you do that a few times a month, it starts adding up.  We've never paid interest on it, but I'd like to stop using it

She is a cheeky mare and sometimes I look at her and wonder what planet she's on.... I'm hoping some of it's just bluster and teenage angst.  She can be very sweet sometimes.  But her attitude to money and work concern me to be honest, she does need to grow up a bit.
Ha, I'm definitely not patient, I've had strong words with her quite a few times, but it tends to make her worse so I bite my tongue a lot.  Interestingly, she is much ruder to me than DH, not sure why 

Drawingaline

You are her safe space. She knows she can push, push, push you. Doesn't excuse it, but maybe another way to look at it. Insecurity. Maybe she feels inferior to her friends if they are given everything on a plate and she feels that it is unfair that she doesn't. Bizzare that she says you should work full time but won't entertain any kind of employment herself. I would be using that arguement against her the minute she finishes her A levels.

If she is serious about wanting to do something in finance/accounting then maybe uni isn't the only way in. Apprenticeship, or additional courses at normal college? But I would be getting twitchy if she hadn't decided the route by now (although this is my own control issue.) I ended up doing the initial uni research for my girl as she would have just put it off, and the last year hasn't helped with colleges being closed and no uni open days etc, it's all been pushed back. Once I had done the initial research I presented a list of about 25 unis and made her sit down to shortlist them. It was like she was too overwhelmed and didn't know where to start. But she was pretty determined on what she wanted to do. It helps that I love research like this though, and I haven't had input after the initial research and she added her own parameters such as distance, by the sea etc, once we had a shortlist I then did my own research into accommodation so we know what will be short money wise.

But yes, ultimately uni is a privilege and absolutely not for everyone, it may be that she actually doesn't want to go, but doesn't want to say, keeps up the front.

Unfortunately though, if she won't engage in a serious discussion maybe she just needs to be told in an absolute, this is what will happen next year, uni, apprenticeship, work/sign on, no chance of laying about doing nothing, and as an adult you have a roof over your head, but the rest is on you. End of discussion, don't get drawn into any arguments, walk away. It may be once her friends all start to move onto the next chapter she either gets left behind and then sorts it all out, or she realised in order to keep up she needs to step up. She really may need some extra time to get to where she needs to be, but once she turns 18 it is not on you to find a lifestyle. 

savingholmes

Good luck with your DD. Teens go through stages - hopefully she will come out the other side soon and be sweeter for it. 

Good that you are doing extra shifts to help clear the debt. It will be nice to wave goodbye to the debt again.

ohdearhowdidthathappen

Thanks DAL and SH
We'll see, at the moment she's not even talking to me over some perceived slight.  I'm leaving her to get on with it, it's rather peaceful and there's no point talking to her when she's in this mood.

It's half term now and (touch wood) the family seem to be covid free for the first time in nearly a month.  We've been out for a walk today and making pizzas for tea tonight  

We were supposed to be seeing some family tomorrow, but they've cancelled, I think they decided we were too risky lurgy wise.  Left it to them, I can't guarantee either way and am happy to have a chill day instead

EssexHebridean

From distant recollection of being that age I suspect you’re driving her wild by being unwilling to be the peacemaker over whatever it is she thinks you’ve done - she undoubtedly wants an approach from you so she can use it as an excuse to kick off, so not giving that is a good way of quashing the drama - plus you get the benefit of it being peaceful! 😂 Again, distant recollections suggest that she’ll get bored at some stage anyway, at which point the easiest way to style it out will be to simply pretend it never happened. I’d have been a bit younger than her when those sorts of behaviour patterns might have played out though - as I say I’d been working full time for year by the time I hit 17.  I do agree that she has to understand to that there are only a limited number of set options for her once school finishes though - and probably the sooner that is set out, the better. Tough conversation though - maybe one to time for a point when you want a few more days of peace and quiet…  

Glad to hear you’re all covid free finally, we’ve escaped it so far but I confess I’d probably be a bit twitching if the bits of the family with our niece and nephews in were close by enough to see regularly so I do have a little sympathy with your cancelling relatives. It must be said not having to have any direct contact with school-aged young people right now seems like a bit of a win! 

theoretica

I have a few times read job applications for entry level jobs - there is a striking difference between an application from someone who is applying with only their university work to talk about and someone who has had weekend/vacation jobs.  It isn't (just) about earning money - it is about earning a step on the job ladder and a better position to apply for a more interesting job.