Money Moral Dilemma: Should I let my mum keep my car?

primrose_penguin

It sounds as if you do not need the car yourself as you say 'you want to get rid of the car so you have more money for living costs'. I would let your Mum have the car on the condition that she can afford to insure, tax and run it herself. I don't know, but I would not think your Mum would want to put the burden on you to carry on paying out for her car when you have the expense of your own place. Unless Mum doesn't really want you to move out??

moneyistooshorttomention

crmism wrote: »

I'm sure your mother will have done a lot for you over the years and never once sought recompense for the time, effort and money needed to raise you - so why not return the favour?

/QUOTE]

This comment also smacks of trying to guilt trip the poster - and is not a fair comment to make.

Am now trying to think what the oldest age is that anyone can be in Britain and have been born prior to the Pill/legal abortion era - and my guess is that the poster is young enough they were born in the "Every child a wanted and planned child - or they darn well should be" era. So - the mother wanted and planned to have the poster then - and so did/or should have sat down and thought through the effort/cost of having children - and then decided to do so anyway.

So I can follow the "You owe your mother for having you - you do" argument for those of us born prior to the Pill/legal abortion era. But not to those younger than us - no - absolutely not. They aren't "owed" anything - they chose to be mothers basically.

So it would be one thing for me to feel that way for instance (born in the 1950s) - but quite another for someone born 1980's onwards.

gaving7095

As others have said, this doesn't at all clarify whether it's the running costs which Mum can't afford, or simply buying the car from you, but my interpretation is that it is the running costs which will be her problem.

Whatever the case - By all means, do give / leave her with the car, transferring ownership to her also. It strikes me that you can afford to gift your Mum your car and that doing so would help her out, so I say do it :-)

However, your continuing to pay for any of its running costs after that point seems unfair / a bit much to me. As Mum would be using it to go to (presumably paid) work, if the job can't finance the running of a car then it stands to reason it would be time to sell the car & start using buses / whatever, or find a different job.

warby68

This could be all be quite complicated and will depend on the family dynamics and promises made.

I would say there is no underlying obligation for a child to fund a parent. However there are many many reasons why they would choose to help. We don't really know how it came about that OP appears to be buying a car for their mum and whether changing the plan amounts to a broken promise and a big let down. I would say however most parents would be uncomfortable with their child funding them and certainly wouldn't want their lifestyle to impact on their child's ability to build an independent life of their own. That doesn't seem to be the case here with mum refusing compromise and even much discussion but again we don't know how much their own health drives their behavior and attitude.

Regardless, there are cheaper ways to keep mum mobile than paying for a new car for years more and OP could perhaps offer some help to get a cheap runaround instead by way of compromise.

charlotte1994

Personally I would give her the option of keeping the car, but in doing so she has to pay for it herself! Parents expect their children to pay for their own cars, why not the other way around? It would be nice for her to keep it but if she can't afford it, it's not your problem. I would stay at home for a while longer, save up while you can and then you will have more living costs stashed away

charlotte1994

solvent_saver wrote: »

If Mum needs it for work, and you only want to sell it to have 'MORE money for living costs' and you earn much more than she does, it seems obvious. If Mum can't get to work, will you pay her living costs?

But you miss the point that her mum can't afford the car!

Silvertabby

I haven't read every single post, so apologies if this has been said before - but what if this person buys/rents a property out in the sticks (if cheaper than town properties) and so needs the car to get to work herself?

SDaniel1991

Hi Sarah OP.
I’ve created an account on here just so I could provide my 2 cents.

I appreciate the extra information and clarity.

This is an awfully situation you are in. I agree not bringing it up before Xmas but if it will be hanging in the air and make things awkward and unnatural then a difficult conversation now is best.

It pleases me to hear you’ve been paying your way and haven’t been ‘freeing it up’ with your mum at home.

Your mum paying off the balloon payment and paying for her own insurance is key. You are actually technically helping her out by having already paid the deposit and monthly payments for atleast over a year. This is effectively a big discount on the car itself.
So for all the people wrongly assuming and pushing guilt by you being alive, saying you owe her - well you are actually considerably helping her out.

However the big deal breaker here is that mum is taking out a loan for the balloon payment - this is money saving expert and you seem money wise. She has been made redundant and is already planning to live essentially beyond her means by having a car she can’t afford. Help mum out by offering to help her with the finances - it sounds difficult by her burying her head in the sands but she clearly needs the help.

Chuck the car in once you move out and take the time to go and look at and research a cheap run around.

I am in my 20s and too understand lunch doesn’t come for free and you must pay your way, but you also shouldn’t be adversely financially affected by a loved one simply because of their ignorance and bad decisions. Bad health, both physical and mental and emergency situations then fine - but it seems mum is thinking about her financial stability and not yours.

Sophia

BillTrac

As others have said not all 'mothers' are saints. Mine certainly wasn't and I moved out as soon as I could. And I do not feel I owe her anything as she chose to have me and my siblings and then spent all her life treating us like !!!!.

But, then I wouldn't have carried all her motoring costs either. Cheek expecting her daughter to not only finance a car but also insurance etc.

Still, at least she bought the fuel, eh? (which she used most of)