Landmark birthday and feeling unfulfilled

onomatopoeia99

My next birthday will be 50. I think the big ones make us reflect on what's happened and where we are. I know I basically ignored by 40th because I didn't want to think about the preceeding decade, in large part due to the very sudden and painful ending of the relationship that I believed would last the rest of my life, but in retrospect I also made a couple of very good friends in that time.


I'm still single, I don't have a big house, but achievements and material things seem largely irrelevant now, when looking back, to me it's people that matter. Don't worry about your parents being able to boast to their friends about what a success their child is, live your life for you.


What I did do when I turned 40 was look at what I wanted to do but had never got round to. One was move out of the house I bought with the ex and then bought her out of. 15 months later I had done that. I also wanted to start learning Italian, it took three years with the house move and everything but I started lessons and am still taking them.

Mojisola

Fireflyaway wrote: »

I will be 40 next birthday. Not bothered about actually turning 40 that much but today I looked back at my 30's and couldn't think of anything I'd achieved or had cause to be proud of!

Fireflyaway wrote: »

I am happy yes.

I hope I'm a nice person.

I don't want to get old and look back wishing I had done more in life.

Two pretty good achievements to be proud of!

If there are things you want to do, make plans and get on with them but don't get caught in doing things just because you feel you ought to - that won't make you any happier than you are now.

trailingspouse

OK.


Thing 1 - forget about making your parents proud. This is your life, not theirs.
Things 2 - stop comparing your inside to other people's outside. And absolutely don't compare yourself to someone you don't know that your Mother happened to mention.


Rather than going off and doing something completely different, develop something that you're already in to or good at. Become an expert in your field. What are your passions? Follow them. What did you used to enjoy? Pick it up again.

Fix everything that can be fixed - for me that's getting my eyebrows mown professionally as I can no longer see to do them!
I think it's good to reassess your life from time to time. Being happy and nice is fine - but you can do lots of other things and still be happy and nice!!

moneyistooshorttomention

p00hsticks wrote: »

Just my opinion, but - although admittedly great feats of athleticism - I see those as pretty empty achievements.

Particularly the last - I could cry when I see what a mess has been made by the tourist conveyor belt that Everest has become .


In my opinion far more meaningful, cheaper and more achievable challenges would be to spend an hour or two each week with a lonely old person, volunteer in a hospice or help out in a charity shop or animal shelter for a few hours.

I would tend to agree with this - and you never know you might have one or two Big-Ideas-That-Spread pretty widely as to how something in the voluntary line could be improved. You might - or you might not.

But - if you do see something that provokes An Idea - then it does help you live the rest of your life as "Just Another Ordinary Little Life" if you can look back and think "True:( that my life is only An Ordinary Life - but I'm the one that started That Big Idea off and look at how it spread:D:D" and that helps put up with the rest of your life being an "Ordinary Little Life" if you think "Well at least I'm responsible for Big Idea X:D".

moneyistooshorttomention

Re your parents - mine started out by wanting me to lead one type of life (ie get married/have children/etc).

Over the years (as they are now very elderly) then they seem to have come round to realising just how many people are extremely materialistic or dishonest or violent or take drugs etc and their thoughts are more along the lines of "At least she doesn't do/has never done anything like that. We could have done a lot worse as to who we got for a daughter. She'll do....:rotfl:".

davenport151

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

My next birthday will be 50. I think the big ones make us reflect on what's happened and where we are. I know I basically ignored by 40th because I didn't want to think about the preceeding decade, in large part due to the very sudden and painful ending of the relationship that I believed would last the rest of my life, but in retrospect I also made a couple of very good friends in that time.


I'm still single, I don't have a big house, but achievements and material things seem largely irrelevant now, when looking back, to me it's people that matter. Don't worry about your parents being able to boast to their friends about what a success their child is, live your life for you.


What I did do when I turned 40 was look at what I wanted to do but had never got round to. One was move out of the house I bought with the ex and then bought her out of. 15 months later I had done that. I also wanted to start learning Italian, it took three years with the house move and everything but I started lessons and am still taking them.

Also coming up to 50! Just my thinking. A lot of things I haven't done for various reasons. Time to make that list. Always wanted to learn to play the piano for instance!

pinkshoes

My next birthday is 40 too!!! Eeeeeek!

I have done marriage, house, kids, career change.

I USED to be very sporty but sport has given way to juggling kid activities and work. I am currently attempting the couch to 10k challenge which I am quite enjoying!

Just write yourself a "bucket list" of a few things you'd like to have a go at or do, then tick them off. That in itself will give you a sense of achievement.

My bucket so far list consists of:
- couch to 10k run
- my first tattoo
- go rock climbing
- have a violin lesson

Out,_Vile_Jelly

I stressed massively when turning 30, and compared my life unfavourably to my many mates who had got married, bought a house, were in a proper career and had kids.

Approaching 40 I realised it was pointless comparing my life to that of my friends, as we actually wanted very different things. I didn't want kids, didn't want to live in the suburbs, spend my money very differently (in terms of consumer tat). I am still excellent friends with them!

I would choose to laugh at your mum's comment about the slim, fashionable daughters of her friend. I bet the friend says to her daughters "X's daughter Y is such a confident happy person with her good job; she doesn't wear shoes made from medical waste because she saw them in a magazine".

pickledonionspaceraider

Fireflyaway wrote: »

I am happy yes.

And if an adult child of mine uttered those words, I would be filled with glee and pride


All any of us really want is for our kids to be happy


Yknow those career women, kids, husband, perfect hair and make up, perfect house - who is to say they have the one basic thing, contentment


You do you Fireflyaway, you are doing much better than many and you don't realize it x

Fireflyaway

Thank you everyone for the kind words and advice. Work wise I did lose my confidence this year. I landed what was on paper a great job but I only lasted 9 months. I hated it. However now I have a great job. It pays rubbish but I'm happy and hopefully have the chance to make a positive difference so maybe it worked out for the best.
I'd like to get back into riding. I've not got time for a horse of my own but there are plenty of stables near by. Trouble is I'm too heavy! Maybe losing some weight to ride again would be a good goal.
I also like the idea of starting something positive. I have been looking into a charity idea.