Strange 999 Visit

[Deleted User]

I felt a bit unwell after doing things in the garden, that given my state of health I probably shouldn't have been doing. I admit, I am awkward that way but if something needs to be done, I will try to do it. I had had a very difficult visit from my son for three weeks, lots of mental anguish (not asking for pity, just a lot of soul searching) about my mothering practices and had just had an argument with my ex after he too intimated I was a bit nuts (linked to my being female in his case, my son came out with much of the same).

So as you can see, I am not an ideal person. Lots of background, my son is not unjustified in what he says. I did maintain an abusive relationship which meant he saw things he shouldn't have done and was made anxious. We all have ASD, he was diagnosed last year with anxiety syndrome as well. I didn't do it often but there were times when I shouted at him because he hadn't done something I asked for the fifth time. He had a counsellor tell him that was abusive as he was already anxious. It wasn't good parenting, certainly. I am NOT making any excuses for myself. To my son, it seems, I am irrational and abusive. Not easy to deal with. I did get very very tired by the end of the three weeks. I really did try to help him without being pushy, tried to let him know that there were options but it was his choice what he did about the situation.

So I had had three weeks of stress trying to help my son, also help him deal with an abusive relationship (yep he's mirroring me, something that is very difficult to see as I know its my fault) then the day before the ambulance call, he just snuck out the house. I don't know why, no arguments.

So I had chest pains, pains down my arm, GTN didn't resolve it, Beta blockers didn't resolve it so after I actually heard my heart beat so loud it seemed like my heart was in my ear, I thought something ain't right, called the ambulance. I also have diabetes and knew that that morning it wasn't good, blood sugar was way too high. I gave myself extra insulin (diabetes is brittle so know what to do).

A lone medic turned up within minutes. But he was a bit strange. Within two minutes he said something about women being a bit nutty.., I politely (I do mean it) said, look I have had three weeks of being told I am nutty and female, please I'd be grateful if you didn't talk like that. He said 'You've blocked half my conversation now'. I laughed and we carried on. He was at the house for ages, not doing much, talking. He told me how he'd been bitten by a lady's callers GSD and kicked the dog up the back side and sent it to the other side of the room (he really did say this), got a policeman to call on her and tell her the dog would be destroyed (this came up because I have a GSD who was locked outside as soon as he arrived because I am well aware not everyone likes big dogs). He wasn't barking or anything.

He said he would need to do an ECG. Then promptly told me he'd done an ECG on a 26 year old female and had problems controlling himself. I immediately decided I'd got to figure out a way to avoid him doing an ECG on myself. Meanwhile he just didn't stop the 'I am who I am and who I am is in control, people have tried to complain about me and got no where' chat. It was done in a jokey way but it was overwhelming. I tried to zone it out, staring at a wall and he said I'd fallen asleep. I assured him three times I hadn't and left the room. I then went back and controlling my voice asked if I could refuse the ECG. I was still trying to be polite. I was trying to decide if my feelings were legitimate and what was an appropriate response all the time he was there, the way he was conducting himself was just so bizarre, I didn't know what to do. He said he'd just put on the paperwork ECG refused, and left pretty soon after.

I guess the medication worked, if a bit late, by the time he left a lot of the pain had gone although I didn't feel well. My blood sugar was high (which he was a bit disparaging about but I explained that I had brittle diabetes and wasn't going to give the big dose of insulin he suggested because it could send me hypo and actually increase insulin resistance, repeated smaller doses of insulin is a much better way of treating it). He also suggested a cheese sandwich as a good way of treating hypos as it contains all three food groups apparently. I didn't even bother saying actually you need quick acting easily digestible carbs, together with some long acting carbs to treat a hypo.

I did have my ex with me at the time. He said they knew after what he said there is no way I was going to permit an ECG.

I still can't quite believe all this happened. I promise you it did, as I have said on here. My ex says he doesn't think he meant any harm by his conversation. I don't think he did, but it was bizarre to have this kind of conversation from a medic.

Should I report the situation, and if so, to whom? I've never had an ambulance visit like it. Sorry for the essay. I still can't believe he was the way he was. I promise you I am not imagining what he said.

geminilady

Well seen as your ex was there I can not understand why you refused the ecg he was not going to pounce on you with someone there.I suppose he was over familiar but maybe he was trying to make you feel at ease with his constant chatting I suppose you could report him to the hospital for being unprofessional but I cannot understand why you are so upset really.I suggest you make an appointment at the doctors for a check up if you think you may have heart problems and to tell them about your diabetes

[Deleted User]

Sorry. I am not going to delete the above as I know how frustrating that is but please ignore. I have been told I am making too much of what happened, and they are probably right. I don't have the judgement I should in these matters.

moneyistooshorttomention

The comments the medic made were unprofessional and I don't have any mental health problems - but I would have regarded that as remarks that were completely "down to him" and "unprofessional" and reported him. He was not entitled to make any personal remarks at all - whether it be about yourself or any other patients he has dealt with.

I think he is probably used to treating women differently (worse) than men. He was not entitled to do that - there is one way to treat a patient regardless of whether male/female, with problems of another description or no, middle class or no.

I doubt he would have treated someone that was male/obviously "middle class"/without other health issues that way. Therefore he shouldn't have treated you that way either.

I don't know the procedure for this - but there is a patients advocate type body. I just can't recall the name of them - but someone else might know their name/contact details. The one I'm thinking of is has a group associated with each NHS hospital.

EDIT; I've just had a quick google. Didnt see the one I have in mind. But I did find https://www.healthwatch.co.uk

suelizab

PALs, Patient Advisory Liaison . the switchboard at each hospital will put you through . He was unprofessional and neglectful . You should have gone to hospital and had an ECG there . You were right to be suspicious and worried about him .

missprice

deannatrois wrote: »

Sorry. I am not going to delete the above as I know how frustrating that is but please ignore. I have been told I am making too much of what happened, and they are probably right. I don't have the judgement I should in these matters.

I absolutely believe you. I know that somehow what you felt was inappropriate behaviour from the medic, was very inappropriate. You don't have to doubt yourself.

I really don't know if you should report it, as it can come across as making mountains. But you are correct in your assumption that the medic was too personal.
As an aside, was he in fact a medic? Did he seem to know your ex husband?

BrassicWoman

I’ve never had a medic arrive solo, they travel in pairs by me. Odd.

thorsoak

First Responders arrive alone - in London they are often on bikes or motorcycles - can get through traffic faster. Where I live - which is a relatively rural area 30 minutes away from the nearest ambulance station/hospital we have local, volunteer first responders who have receiveed a certain amount of first aid training.

Pollycat

deannatrois wrote: »

Sorry. I am not going to delete the above as I know how frustrating that is but please ignore. I have been told I am making too much of what happened, and they are probably right. I don't have the judgement I should in these matters.

I would have been pretty outraged if someone had said all those things to me.
His behaviour was totally unprofessional.
Who has told you that you are making too much of this?

Do what you feel is right for you.
If you do raise an official complaint, it may be stressful.
Did your ex hear all these comments?

missprice

deannatrois wrote: »

Sorry. I am not going to delete the above as I know how frustrating that is but please ignore. I have been told I am making too much of what happened, and they are probably right. I don't have the judgement I should in these matters.

It can't be ignored, you have not "made too much" of what happened.
I am quite worried about you and your general well being.
I am more worried that your ex is gaslighting you. Can you be away from the ex and Google gaslighting, then arrange some kind of support?

trailingspouse

This would have definitely creeped me out. You are not wrong to feel that his behaviour was wrong. And I think you need to tell someone - PALS would be a good place to start. A pattern of behaviour might start to emerge.

It sometimes takes a while for other people to 'get' what you're talking about. I remember having a Sky engineer come to the house. OH and his brother were down in the garage doing stuff, and I was more than capable of dealing with the Sky guy - until he started singing a song (he said he was serenading me...) about him and me being in the bathroom together. Beyond weird. So I went down to the garage and told OH what had happened, and he said 'Let me know if you need any help' - I was on my way back upstairs before I thought 'Hang on a minute, that was me asking for help!'
You're in your own home - you call the shots as to what is acceptable and what is not. And I think in anyone's book the way the medic spoke to you would have been unacceptable, even if you were fit and healthy - doubly unacceptable when you are ill and worried that you might be having a heart attack.
What sort of age was he? It sounds like the sort of conversation that women might have been expected to put up with 30 or 40 years ago!!