Need advice on life!

Comms69

FailureAtLife wrote: »

I only get roughly £50 a week at the moment so surely you can understand my not giving voluntary maintenance? What should my perspective be?

But if you were working, you'd get that a day.


Your perspective should be " I need to get up, get out and start earning".


"That way I can take my kids on holiday, arrange nice trips for them, give them a nice second home when they visit me"

Comms69

FailureAtLife wrote: »

I know that but you have to understand at this moment in time if I explained that to her she would still do it out of spite anyway.. She will still get her money just some of it will come from me so I can spend even less on the kids, its a one sided thing in her favour. But I would be covered from her saying down the line I have given nothing etc, when I try my best to get what I can to keep my 4 year old happy, it seems to be enough for her.

pause. She cannot do anything out of spite if you pay maintenance.


You'd be covered by simply transferring it to her bank. (and child maintenance claims can no longer be back dated)

BucksLady

The easiest thing in the world is to keep looking back on life and then blame xy and z for the way things are today. If you want your life to be different OP, then you have to make it happen. Maybe start by identifying any particular skills/interests you may have - then look to see if they could be used to gain useful employment. If not, you may have some idea as to the kind of work you might enjoy doing and you could then follow this up by researching what you would need to do to make it happen. Finding employment which provides a decent income is the key to making other changes in your life. It won't be easy, but if you are determined to change your life around, then I'm sure that with time you will make it happen. I wish you luck

pmduk

I thought this was Simon for a moment.

Ineededaname

Feel the need to jump in and defend the OP a bit here. He's done something really hard by publicly stating hes not happy with himself and wants to change (even if it is online), and he's getting some very harsh responses. Perhaps some of the comments are true but maybe a little less insulting and little more advice would be good?

He's also quite correct that, in my experience, single parents in receipt of benefits are usually quite financially stable. On the other hand single young people without children can be some of the most poverty stricken people in our society. I've seen young parents (without the day to day responsibility) in abject misery because they are struggling to even get by for their own basic needs... and then they also need to provide for their children when they have them over the weekend etc. If they try to maintain contact like a good parent should they receive no state support for the times they are looking after the children. In fact they are supposed to pay the other parent.

I think some of the responses have been lashing out due to his comment on this. Maybe remember the other parent isn't financially supporting the children either - the taxpayer is.

Now moving on.

First of all well done for making this post. Having that recognition that you need to change your life and the desire to do so is the first and possibly hardest step.

You've got one thing really going for you at the moment and that is that you live at home and not paying any housing. You shouldn't just get up and move out, you will really struggle financially if you do before you have a decent income. It's a great opportunity to try to save up some money and prepare.

University could still be an option if you wanted it - just bear in mind you'll probably be graduating in three years into the same position. A degree isn't a magic ticket to a good job these days. If you know what you want to do and a degree is required then go for it, work hard and do well and pursue that career. If you're not sure it doesnt mean don't go to university, but don't expect an amazing outcome. University is a great experience and would give you an opportunity to move out, move away, meet new people, become more independent and possibly learn new skills. It can be pretty life changing just for this but as I've said, not likely to be a magic solution to a great job. If you do decide to go you probably should start looking into it and applying soon.

If you decide to go to university or not the next bit probably applies (as next September is a long time away anyway).

My first piece of advice would be to get yourself out the house when you need to do things. Dont try to do it at home just because you can. You'll be unproductive, get distracted, get interuppted.. if your parents are on benefits I presume they are in most the time!

Make yourself get up and go out. Use a library or any public place with Wi-Fi if you have a laptop/pad. Try and get a routine in place... I'll be up and at the library (or wherever) by a certain time etc.

If your not sure what you want to do maybe do some research on different jobs, qualifications etc.

Some jobs/ careers open up to you if you pay for and get the relevant qualification - for example security and the SIA licence, construction and cscs.

Some jobs/ careers have difficult application processes and will then train you all in house if you get through - examples such as air traffic control, flight attendants. It's surprising what you can find sometimes where they don't need past experience but just need someone with the right skills to stick out the training (sometimes lengthy and poorly paid) before graduating onto a good salary.

Looking at companies directly rather than just indeed etc can be a good idea. Some good employers may hardly use these such as universities, network rail, councils etc as they use their own recruitment website.

Some apprenticeships may still be a possibility.

While you are researching, looking, thinking you need to get yourself a full time job, or as many hours as you can. Anything at all. Any job gives you experience, skills, a routine. Shows you have a work ethic and looks good to other employers. The saying it's easier to get a job when you already have one is so true!

It's also another path to a career. Work your !!! off, be reliable and committed, do well and go for promotion. Or take your skills to another employer that pays better, or transferable skills to a different type of job even!

You also have some basic jobs that can pay well. Stacking shelves in a shop? A full time nights position in a major supermarket / retailer. You'd be surprised at the wages they can be on.

With any job you'll have an income and while living at home, not much in out goings. Full time at minimum wage should give you £1000 a month at least. Without rent you should have quite a bit to play with. You could even throw your parents something as board, and pay towards your children. If she doesn't really need the money and isn't pressing for maintenance why not open saving accounts for them and start building a bit of money for their futures. The rest you save to fund your future plans, whatever they may end up being.

Bit of a long post but I hope you get something useful out of it and good luck whatever you decide to do!

(Please excuse the awful formatting and grammar. It's hard to write such a long post on a phone..)

Metranil_Vavin

Don't feed the troll folks

charlieismydarling

Single parents are not financially stable! What a load of ****

Why did you have 3 kids whilst in a toxic relationship? You need to grow up and get a job and contribute to your children’s upbringing instead of leaving it to your”toxic” ex.

Why are you not in work? You don’t work yet judge your ex for not working and getting plenty.

[Deleted User]

FailureAtLife wrote: »

About 10 minutes away by car with their mother. None thus far but when I have them which varies depending on her mood I spend what I can on food and small toys. She doesn't need money from me when she is getting £££'s a month, having been with her I think single parents get way too much, no wonder girls get pregnant so often! Plus I used to run her around saving her even more, although I understand when I work I probably will have to pay some of her child tax credits I believe anyway.

I'm sorry I lost all interest when I read this, do yo not know about the benefits cap? or benefits being paid for only 2 kids?
Sorry to be harsh but this is a benefits forum not a life coaching forum or a benefits bashing free for all. as my dear old mum would have said "pull yourself together":beer: