Need advice on life!

FailureAtLife

I'm 25 living at home, have two daughters and potentially another child on the way from a 5 year toxic relationship. I met my ex when I was at college and since then have not progressed in life.. I always wanted to go to uni but doubted myself or had drama from my ex, it was like a double edged sword. My parents are on benefits have been for years, I don't want to follow in their footsteps. I want to set a good example to my children, be able to give them what I never had and hopefully leave them with good memories when I'm gone.

So my my question is should I move out into my own place despite the fact I can live at home for free essentially with everything being done for me plus I'm able to drive and own my own car? Find a course at the nearest university and take the plunge despite ending up in debt, have much less free time, more stress and potentially be unable to cope!

I am a mess to be honest and I feel like I am doomed to be like my parents which I don't want to be but I also don't want to have an even worse life struggling to just get by just to be that moral guy. I work but I can't afford to buy clothes or even buy my favourite ice cream anymore.

Please help!

Comms69

Where do the kids live?


How much maintenance do you pay?


Can you afford (it seems not based upon your last paragraph) rent, bills, food, maintenance

FailureAtLife

Comms69 wrote: »

Where do the kids live?


How much maintenance do you pay?


Can you afford (it seems not based upon your last paragraph) rent, bills, food, maintenance

About 10 minutes away by car with their mother. None thus far but when I have them which varies depending on her mood I spend what I can on food and small toys. She doesn't need money from me when she is getting £££'s a month, having been with her I think single parents get way too much, no wonder girls get pregnant so often! Plus I used to run her around saving her even more, although I understand when I work I probably will have to pay some of her child tax credits I believe anyway.

Comms69

FailureAtLife wrote: »

About 10 minutes away by car with their mother. None thus far but when I have them which varies depending on her mood I spend what I can on food and small toys. She doesn't need money from me when she is getting £££'s a month, having been with her I think single parents get way too much, no wonder girls get pregnant so often! Plus I used to run her around saving her even more, although I understand when I work I probably will have to pay some of her child tax credits I believe anyway.

Ok well I think you need to prioritise.


Firstly - pay the maintenance. That's the job of any parent. Doesn't matter is she's a millionaire or not. You pay for your kids.


(girls don't get pregnant on their own....)


You wont pay any child tax credits. I think you need to do a lot more research.


With 3 kids, you pay 19% of your gross weekly wages. Regardless of how much she gets. Kids costs ALOT.


as an example a full uniform for school is £300+ each.


Food for 4 is going to be atleast £150 a week.


Rent, bills, clubs, childcare, etc.


Sorry but if you genuinely plan to turn your life around, you need to change your perspective.

pmlindyloo

Why do you think that going to university will solve all your problems? There are plenty of other options which don't involve getting into student debt.

What is your current job? What qualifications do you have? What kind of job would you really like to do?

With living at home this gives you the perfect opportunity to 'better yourself' whether it be attending college in the evenings/doing an online course/doing an apprenticeship.

There is a whole world out there but nothing is going to fall into your lap by magic.

My greatest respect go to people who try to better themselves, not by going to university (which, quite frankly, is a waste at your age unless it is a requirement for a particular job) but those who work two jobs/work and study in their spare time - in other words graft, graft, graft.

This is what your children will respect you for, not for having a degree in media studies.

You can do it so stop waffling on and blaming others. Grow a backbone.

And as an aside, you have enough children! (Said in the politest possible way)

I wish you all the luck in the world and if you have any particular inspirations then let us know. Someone will have gone down the same path and may be able to suggest courses etc.

KatrinaWaves

I'd love to think this is a troll post, three children by 25, complaining about how 'girls get pregnant all the time' miraculously, paying no maintenance and moaning about not being able to buy ice cream...

xylophone

no wonder girls get pregnant so often

Now, I wonder how they manage it.....AI perhaps........



Plus I used to run her around saving her even more,

Your children as well? That was good of you....:)

I understand when I work I probably will have to pay some of her child tax credits I believe anyway.

I work but I can't afford to buy clothes or even buy my favourite ice cream anymore.

Puzzling.

The tax credits are paid by the government. It appears that child maintenance has no effect on means tested benefits.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/children-and-young-people/child-maintenance/child-maintenance-where-to-start/



Child maintenance is not counted as income for means-tested benefits such as Income Support, income-based Jobseeker's Allowance (JSA) and Housing Benefit.

This means if you're getting maintenance you won’t get less money in these benefits. Other benefits which aren’t means-tested won’t be affected either.

Re funding for a mature student

https://www.gov.uk/mature-student-university-funding

BucksLady

I'm confused because in your first post you say '' I work but I can't afford to buy clothes or even buy my favourite ice cream anymore''. You then state that '' I understand when I work I probably will have to pay some of her child tax credits I believe anyway. r, '' So OP, are you working at the moment?

BucksLady

Xylophone beat me to it

poppy12345

FailureAtLife wrote: »

She doesn't need money from me when she is getting £££'s a month, having been with her I think single parents get way too much, no wonder girls get pregnant so often!

You clearly haven't got a single clue how much it costs to bring children up! or exactly how difficult it is being a single parent. Grow up and pay for your children like you should do! {Edited by Forum Team}

FailureAtLife

That is what I want to be able to do? Unlike some people I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I was simply making the point that she was claiming to be a single parent as we lived apart but were together and she never once struggled financially with paying for rent, bills, food, school uniform, clothes or even having her hair done.

It is easy to sit there and make judgements from your screen, not everyone's life is as nice as yours may be.

If you knew me personally perhaps I wouldn't 'make you sick' as you put it, I was only trying to get some advice on what steps to take to better my life. Believe me if I could walk into a reasonably good job tomorrow I would. Yes I know things don't fall in your lap as someone also said, that is why I was considering attempting university. I don't spend my time drinking, smoking or vandalising things, I am a polite, respectful person but unfortunately not the most intelligent.