Advice about stubborn Grandparent who isn't well

pioneer22

Hi,

My nan lives alone in a 3 bed semi grandad died about 20 years ago, in Romford. She is very frail, she has to get up the stairs shuffling on her bottom and is very skinny.

She has so far refused all help, she won't move, she won't have a carer, she just turns down any support and is very stubborn. Each of my uncles/aunties/mum have spoken to her.

My aunts and uncles speak to her regularly but don't live "round the corner"

She has enough money to move house is probably worth 500k plus she has a decent pension.

Any ideas? Worried she will break a leg or hip and go into hospital and won't come out again.

She's about 86

nicter

If she has the capacity to make the decision to stay in her home there is next to nothing anyone can do to make her move /have carers etc
Is it possible to minimise risk within the home ? Convert a downstairs room into bedroom ?
An assessment by an occupational therapist for any aids that could make life easier for her ?
Hard as it is for families you will have to work with what nan will allow

Ms_Chocaholic

Could you club together to pay for a stairlift for her? You say she could pay herself but it is unlikely. Do you think she would agree for a stairlift to be installed at no cost to herself.

pioneer22

nicter wrote: »

If she has the capacity to make the decision to stay in her home there is next to nothing anyone can do to make her move /have carers etc
Is it possible to minimise risk within the home ? Convert a downstairs room into bedroom ?
An assessment by an occupational therapist for any aids that could make life easier for her ?
Hard as it is for families you will have to work with what nan will allow

Not keen on a conversion

Didn't want an OT to come round I did suggest this, I might try and find a private one see if they can give me 10 minutes on the phone.

unholyangel

Really, you can't force her. She might be struggling but not enough for her to feel she isn't capable in her own home and tbh, its her feelings on it that really matter.

If shes anything like my gran, she'll dig her heels in and tell you to mind your own business - but when the day came that she didn't feel right herself, she asked us to take her to the doctor (we'd been trying to convince her to go for a while to no avail). Same with the day she died, she called my mum asking could she come up, she didn't feel right and didn't want to be on her own. It was completely out of character for her.

What I'm trying to say is that your gran might be the same and will ask for the help she wants if and when she feels she needs it. Until then, the best thing to do is respect her wishes and try to support her in whatever way you can to make it easier for her.

gettingtheresometime

Well on the basis I can't get my mum to accept she needs a hearing a hearing aid I don't think I will be much help.

I've learnt that trying to bully someone into doing something they don't won't to is a pointless exercise, even if it's plainly obvious that it would benefit them.

Red-Squirrel_2

She's managing in her own way and as long as she has mental capacity she can carry on and make her own choices.

To be honest, I can see myself making the same ones at her age. She's adjusted to her limitations in her own way. She might prefer to stay at home as long as possible even if it does mean a fall or a hospital admission at the end.

Savvy_Sue

Does she have friends, does she go out? Would she accept friendship, eg in our area there are several organisations who will visit with a view to encouraging people to go to local events and activities, and I know there are charities who organise eg monthly tea parties etc.

Money_maker

If she does end up in hospital, they wont let her go home until she has been assessed. If she is allowed home, the OT will go first and see what equipment she needs to be safe at home. Might be worth mentioning to your nan that if she did have an accident she might not be allowed home so wouldn't it be better to try to reduce the risk.

onomatopoeia99

Money_maker wrote: »

If she does end up in hospital, they wont let her go home until she has been assessed.

Hospitals have the power to detain competent adults without a trial? That's scary.

trailingspouse

I have an 88 year old and an 82 year who thus far are more than capable of looking after themselves. But we talk about what would happen if...


The thing that scares my mother (the 88 year old) the most is the loss of control that ultimately comes with old age. She knows it's likely to happen - and she knows in her case it may happen sooner rather than later. It wouldn't surprise me at all to find her shuffling up the stairs on her bottom...


Getting old is hell, and I think we have to allow our ancients to have as much control over their lives as they can for as long as they can. And if that means a bit of shuffling, so be it.