Interventions - do they actually work?

Elinore

Sorry, i should have mentioned the guy lives in in Ireland. She was out there doing a local talk on her subject and they hit it off.

As such we have never met him, dont know his address or method or means to contact him.

She travels out there every second month to see him and the relationship is not sexual. He, and it feels odd to say this, does not seem to care one way or another. He enjoys her company he doesn't ask or even hint he wants the things she gives him that's all on her.

I am seriously considering contacting her MHT and asking her to be reviewed for in-patient stay.

(To answer the question she's moved back in with parents who have basically given up on her, there is only so often you can be lied to and stolen from before all the compassion you have dries up)

chesky

Elinore wrote: »

Sorry, i should have mentioned the guy lives in in Ireland. She was out there doing a local talk on her subject and they hit it off.

As such we have never met him, dont know his address or method or means to contact him.

She travels out there every second month to see him and the relationship is not sexual. He, and it feels odd to say this, does not seem to care one way or another. He enjoys her company he doesn't ask or even hint he wants the things she gives him that's all on her.
)

Blimey! So, everything you know about the situation is her version of events. She seems to be rather an unreliable witness. I wonder what she's told him about her life, how she represents herself to him. You actually don't even really know how he feels about her - he might feel she's stalking him. Or he might feel that if he ends it, she'll do something stupid.

Of course he could also be an absolute swine but you just don't know.

paddy's_mum

Someone that fixated is not going to meekly saunter away even if the guy could be persuaded to 'do the right thing' and end it.

He may be a genuine sort of chap who has tried, kindly, to make his position clear.

Perhaps his view is that he doesn't want her attempting histrionics (or worse!) on his doorstep. Some truth in that old saying about keeping one's enemies closer. At least this way, he has some idea of what she is up to.

To answer the original question, I've never heard of any surefire way to wake up someone who is this willfully blind, more's the pity.

Red-Squirrel_2

Its theoretically possible he doesn’t even exist, or that she hasn’t seen him for ages and there is another reason for her trips away.

Candyapple

Elinore wrote: »

she works harder to ‘win him over’ gifts of money she just can’t afford, buys his shopping, expensive consoles, phones and computers - takes him out and away on holiday.

She lost her house, her job.

Those things aren't cheap. If she's back living with her parents, how is she paying for all these gifts? The flights out to see him?

How long has this "relationship" been going on?


Interventions don't work, the same way as forcing someone to go to rehab doesn't work. If the person in question wants help, genuinely wants help to change or stop a behaviour (e.g. drink/drug addiction) then and only then will they put in the effort required to try and change. Even then, given how hard it is to overcome addiction and/or make a fundamental change to your personality, chances of relapse are extremely high.

Working_Mum

There is little you can do for your friend as she is in deep and has serious issues. You can read up on co-dependency and practice "loving detachment" so you don't enable her poor behaviours. Here are some links:-

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/anxiety-zen/201609/6-signs-codependent-relationship

https://www.hazelden.org/HAZ_MEDIA/5064_beyondcodependency.pdf

http://melodybeattie.com/detaching-in-love/


It's really tough seeing someone you care about behave in a reckless way but you need to ensure you stay strong to be able to handle whatever happens next

Good luck

Seanymph

Blaming someone that no one has seen, spoken to, verified, or can contact could just be another symptom of your friends mental health issues rather than the cause of them, or even a contributor to them.

She is creating her own reality unfortunately and clearly is way beyond what a lay persons 'intervention' could achieve.

Why do you want to continue to invest is this person would be a better question to ask yourself. How can you protect yourself, and what reward are you getting from the relationship that you think you may succeed where the professionals are failing.

Take a look at that hard, then see if you still want to help someone who is clearly in a right old pickle and isn't taking the professional help they are being offered.