Men and family breakup

lindens

stormshield wrote: »

I don't want to see the GP (my wife urged me to go see him) in case he does something daft like sign me off work, yes I'd be able to see my kids during that time but work wise that might be the final nail in the coffin, my manager and their manager both know the situation but don't care.


Many many thanks to mkbean for the link, I'll have a look round when I'm feeling up to it :cheesy:

??
Surely going to the GP is to be seen as proactive? You are suffereing from a reaction to a situation thats happened, its is probably temporary, you know its affecting your work and you are trying to do something about it.
Maybe time to visit your union rep and see where you stand if they are treating you like that, i think it sucks.

snowmaid

lindens wrote: »

??
Surely going to the GP is to be seen as proactive? You are suffereing from a reaction to a situation thats happened, its is probably temporary, you know its affecting your work and you are trying to do something about it.
Maybe time to visit your union rep and see where you stand if they are treating you like that, i think it sucks.

I know you mean well, but will his GP really be interested or will he hand him a pot of pills for depression? I know when I take my children to our GP, he is already writing out prescription for antibiotics before I have even said a word! :rolleyes:

Stormshield, have you had a conversation with your wife about your very valid fears of not having the children on xmas day or spending it apart? Is there any chance of all of you spending xmas together, even though you are parting ways?

hobo28

stormshield wrote:

I don't want to see the GP (my wife urged me to go see him) in case he does something daft like sign me off work, yes I'd be able to see my kids during that time but work wise that might be the final nail in the coffin, my manager and their manager both know the situation but don't care.

I'm guessing its not so much don't care but more a case of what can they do to help? At the end of the day they have a job to do and if you are working then so do you. If you are signed off sick then thats a different matter. But whilst you are at work then why should an employer not be able to expect 100% from you? After all they are paying you 100%. Don't mean to sound callous and of course any decent manager will allow for employee's personal issues but there is only so much leeway an employer can give.

I do know what you are going through tho. I've been through a break up myself although I suppose I was luckier in that I ended up with the children. Like you i didn't have many friends.

Things will get better and in time you will learn to enjoy some of the benefits of being single. Also enjoy the time you have spare since you don't have the kids 24x7.

If you think you are paying too much to CSA, try posting in the CSA board. There is no point in paying more than you need to. Its very noble but unfair on you. Plus you need to maintain your position as father/dad and not simply be a walking wallet.

Here are some of the things I did after I split from my ex. Looking back now I had a lot of fun.

- Joined VirtualGingerbread group (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/virtualgingerbread4/). Its a e-mail forum thingy which a lot of single parents use to just chat. Through that I met some friends and ultimately my current partner!

- Joined a couple of dating websites. Get myself back in the game so to speak. Through those I built up my self confidence. Realised I wasn't a total loser!

- Went speeddating (as above really)

- Joined a gym to get fit and meet new ppl.

The key thing is that you need to get your self-confidence back. Your kids still love you even if you are not there 24x7. You won't always get the access you want and holiday times are always a testing time but as long as you see the kids regularly and don't let them down then you should be ok.

If your happy then you can be happy in front of the kids and enjoy your time with them. Make sure you make the best of the time together so rather than what a lot of parents do and just palm them off on others or stick them in front of the TV, go for walks, play games etc. etc. It should be quality time. It doesn't have to be expensive.

Vickicb

Try this site: http://www.parentscentre.gov.uk/forum/

Lots of Dads with good advice on there.
Good luck.

blushred2

Oh u poor man !

Big hugs coming ur way. U did the best thing posting here.
I find all the people on mse incredibley helpful.
feel free to pm me, we all need someone to listen to.

Try St. John's Wort, i'm about a month into taking and its meant to
kick in soon.
I'll let u know if it does.
Remember ur never alone.

I believe there is abig plan laid out for us, and we can maybe only see
the reason why things happened afterwards.

take care

Debs

mutley74

http://www.fnf.org.uk/

lynzpower

Hiya

Just a thought, but even if you dont get to see your kids everyday, do you speak to them on the phone. Setting up a routine, ie if you dont see them youll always call at X time AND DO IT- NO EXCUSES! this will help the kids feel stable too, its something to rely on, and something which will connect you daily, it might not feel a lot in the scheme of things now while you are in what sounds like a real chasm, but this should help to bring the children closer to you.

Best of luck, I do really feel for you xx

stormshield

Thank you for all your advice, I've just come back from spending the night at my friends house, I just couldn't face another night alone and although I'm with their family, I've been there so many times recently they seem to have taken me in as one of their own.

The phone idea sounds like a great one but they don't know quite how they work as they are very young, 2 and 4.

I also agree with the work thing, they have no reason not to expect 100% all the time but with so many changes there at the moment it's so stressful.

I've posted on the CSA board and a very nice person is trying to help so thats a relief.


I'm just so glad theres nice people around says me feeling a little bit better for spending a few days with other people.

Kimitatsu

stormshield wrote: »

The phone idea sounds like a great one but they don't know quite how they work as they are very young, 2 and 4.

I'm just so glad theres nice people around says me feeling a little bit better for spending a few days with other people.

My OH works shifts - major shifts offshore - but has always made sure that he speaks to the kids at least twice a day ever since they were small. You would be amazed at how technically savvy kids today are, and even if you only get a couple of words now, trust me within a short time they will be having full conversations with you.

If you dont see them every day then you miss out whole chunks of their lives, in the time they take from one visit to another they have changed best friends three times and its not important enough to tell you then but it was at the time. My ex made the mistake of not speaking to them in between visits and now they dont want to see him so I would agree with Lynz and even if you dont see the point now it will pay off in the future.

Take care of yourself, everything seems very raw now but it will get better with time.

mutley74

how about using video phoning? phones are more advanced now and calls are cheaper. or if ex allows to use windows messenger and a webcam...