My DS is in trouble at school

angie_baby

Hi there, after a bit of advice.

My DS is 5, 6 in January and in year one at school. Since term has started he has been in trouble almost every day for his behaviour. I had a meeting with the new teacher last week to discuss his behaviour, I explained to the school that if I know my son has misbehaved then I will take action at home, I also said that I cannot punish him for something he did last week so I need to know on the day it happens. So can she please either call and let me know or at least let my childminder know whether it has been a good day or not.

We now have a home/school contact book so I know when there has been trouble.

My son is no angel but his behaviour is terrible this year worse than last year by miles. He no longer wants to go to school, doesn’t like it and says there’s no point in going as he is stupid?! He also hides in the toilets at lunch time as he doesn’t have any friends.... this breaks my heart and makes me want to cry, so god knows how he feels about it.

I know all our children are little genius, but my son is really bright last year he was scored 9's, 9 is the top and none of the other children came close to the national average of 7. I took this as a good sign that he was progressing well even though he does misbehave at times.

Whilst talking to the teacher she explained that Joe was doing well with his work and had been moved up into the middle maths class. Which has confused me completely, why if he scores the top marks is he in the bottom class? She has told me it is because of his behaviour he is in the bottom class.

I am not saying my son’s behaviour is right but he will only get more frustrated being held back.

How do I ask for my son to be put in the correct group without causing offence? As I can already feel the teacher doesn’t really like me.


Many Thanks

myrnahaz

It's appalling that they've punished the little lad's bad behaviour by putting him into a lower set; if he's naughty in class then he should miss out on treats, not education. It's no wonder he's being naughty and thinks that he must be stupid - paricularly if he left his friends behind in the higher class and they are now teasing him for being held back. Aside from that, a bright child can easily become very frustrated and badly behaved if he's working at too slow a pace for his ability.

Unfortunately, the only thing you can do is go back to speak to the teacher or head teacher. Tell them you fully support the need to correct his behaviour, but that it seems rather unusual to punish bad behaviour in this way. Don't let them bully you, and try not to burst into tears during the meeting.

quietheart

Maybe you could book an appointment to see his teacher, sit down and say you would like to work together with her/him to resolve your son's issues. Could it be that he is misbehaving due to boredom if he is brighter than the rest of the class? I don't think this is an excuse but if he had extra work it might keep him occupied.
Have you tried asking the teacher why she thinks he has problems socially, at school I mainly see boys running round in groups not really having best friends as such. Maybe she could suggest some appropriate mates for him and you could invite them back for tea so they get to know each other better.
I know it can be intimidating when speaking to teachers but write down all the points you'd like to discuss and refer to it in your meeting. Is there anyone who could go with you for moral support (sometimes people act differently if there's witnesses......)
The teacher needs to know you want to work with them and hopefully it'll get easier for your son.
Best of luck!

angie_baby

Trenty wrote: »

another feral chav kid

Thanks Troll

angie_baby

Thanks for your replies. There is a parents evening next week and have already starting writting down some notes on what my DS has said and any problems that i have.

I really do want to work with the teacher so we can resolve this, his previous teacher was great and we had a good relationship with her and had no behavour problems.

As to his friends his teacher didnt really have much to say other than he hides in the toilets at lunch. When i ask my DS about this he just says no one wants to play with him. He only has one friend that i know of and thats a little girl.

I just feel for him as going to school woth people taking the micky out of you is not nice. I just cant believe that last term i had a happy little boy who loved school and now i have a very angry, unhappy little boy who hates school and doesnt try anything anymore as in his eyes 'hes stupid'.

Carmina_Piranha_3

is he writing down the work when he's in class? if he doesn't actually answer the questions set then he'll be put in the bottom set, that's what happens in our school. i know a few parents who think their children are too bright for the bottom set but what they write down during the lesson doesn't indicate that they would cope in the top set.

is he writing down the work during the lessons? i suppose you'll see that at parents evening when you view his exercise books. if he's getting the questions right then perhaps it would be worth asking why he isn't in a higher set.

to be fair, what they get in exams in reception year isn't a fair assessment. many children haven't learned to read or write yet, and the children who don't have an educational home life won't have had time to catch up with those who have.

if he is struggling and feels 'stupid' that doesn't mean he will always struggle. my nephew had a terrible year 1 at school but his year 2 was great. i think getting on with the teacher makes a big difference.

is your boy able to concentrate okay? they lose a lot of play time when they leave reception - it's all work work work and that doesn't suit all 5 year olds!

angie_baby

Carmina_Piranha wrote: »

is he writing down the work when he's in class? if he doesn't actually answer the questions set then he'll be put in the bottom set, that's what happens in our school. i know a few parents who think their children are too bright for the bottom set but what they write down during the lesson doesn't indicate that they would cope in the top set.

is he writing down the work during the lessons? i suppose you'll see that at parents evening when you view his exercise books. if he's getting the questions right then perhaps it would be worth asking why he isn't in a higher set.

to be fair, what they get in exams in reception year isn't a fair assessment. many children haven't learned to read or write yet, and the children who don't have an educational home life won't have had time to catch up with those who have.

if he is struggling and feels 'stupid' that doesn't mean he will always struggle. my nephew had a terrible year 1 at school but his year 2 was great. i think getting on with the teacher makes a big difference.

is your boy able to concentrate okay? they lose a lot of play time when they leave reception - it's all work work work and that doesn't suit all 5 year olds!

The move to year one has affected him, He doesnt struggle at all, well not when he is given encoragment. I think that being moved to the bottom set has really effected his confidence and i dont know how to get that back, he really is bright. He 'feels' stupid i think as he isnt top of the class and doesnt have his friend anymore.

I just dont understand how in the summer holidays he went from being the brightest in his class to being the bottom when the marjority have moved from reception into year one with him.

I must admit his concentration isnt great, he has never really been able to sit still for very long if hes board.

He doesnt want to do sums he knows like 1+2=3 he likes doing sums like
1+?=3. I do do alot of work with him at home, should i maybe slow down so the school catches up with him?

consultant31

angie_baby wrote: »

He doesnt want to do sums he knows like 1+2=3 he likes doing sums like
1+?=3. I do do alot of work with him at home, should i maybe slow down so the school catches up with him?

My son was like this at school - his behaviour wasn't really bad, but he was disruptive in class. It was pretty obvious that it was because he was bored. He was already reading and writing to a high standard when he started school and was even doing easy multplication - a very bright boy all round.

I had always played number and word games with him at home and he just soaked it up like a sponge. I really don't see why you should stop helping him at home just to keep the school happy, it would be holding your son back.

I don't have any answers really, though I know exactly how you're feeling - it broke my heart when my son said he had no-one to play with, but the other children thought he was weird because he didn't want to do the same things they did.

My boy was eventually put up into the class 2 years above his age group and he thrived. He had to work hard but he enjoyed the challenge and it made him feel that he was special instead of just 'weird'.

I hope it works out for you and him :grouphug:

bluejosiah

I hope the home/school contact book will prove useful as you will be able to chat things through with your child.

Perhaps you could help him with his friendship issues by inviting a friend (from his last years friendship circles) around for tea or to the park?

They say that a child's concentration level is their age plus 2 minutes!! So don't dispair as I am sure he can concentrate for that amount of time when he is interested!

KathrynPenguin

If he has behavioural problems ask to get him assessed by the ed phych. If he gets given an IEP it will have clear ACHIEVABLE targets on it. My DS was in a lot of trouble the beginning of term as he is one of the youngest in the class, has speech and lang delay and was finding concentration difficult. His target was set at sit still for 5 mins during carpet time - if he does this he is praised but more importantly - if he gets fidgity after 5 mins he is NOT PUNISHED as he has met his target, now the TA takes him off to another activity if he has lost concentration. Since this was brought in for him he has not been in trouble once because of this.

MaureenHB

Can you clarify what you mean when you say your son scored 9? I work in an Infant school and am not aware of a grade for Foundation stage children, other than the profile which gives equal weighting to many different areas and have not heard of parents being given an overall "score" before. Was this in one area of the 6 areas of learning?
I really agree with the posters who have suggested inviting children home to play, even if you are a working parent it is incredibly valuable to make the time to help your child with his social life. Is he your only child?