Living in a house my partner owns

Comms69

Starmummy wrote: »

I'm not sure the circumstances should make a difference, i'm not wanting compensation if he 'cheats' that's not constructive at all. - You seem to miss my point entirely. You say you are building up equity, but will give that up if the relationship breaks down. Which seems to be the OPPOSITE of what you initially asked.... My point about the circumstances was that relationships break down for many reasons and it seems there is an incentive for him to end it all if he were to become unhappy.

I was looking at considering a cohabitation agreement with help of a solicitor maybe. - That still requires a court to enforce and again leaves you in the same predicament. As I said in my first post. Marriage or ownership are the only ways of guaranteeing rights of occupation.

I understand the PR thing, Even if we were married he wouldn't have PR. But it would be important to them both to maintain a relationship.

The child thing was just an aside.

FBaby

You want an answer to a question that doesn't exist. There really is no 'fair' or 'reasonable' in this instance. It all comes down to sharing a common vision. In the end you might have the same vision but different timings, a slight different vision but with both prepared to accept a compromise, or a different vision all together in which case, however in love you are and get along, the relationship might not have a future.

Smodlet

Starmummy, you sound discontent to me and I completely understand why. I also think the only people who can resolve this issue are you and your partner: You need to have a proper discussion about this. We randoms on the internet cannot resolve this for you.

Either you are a couple or you are not. The balance of power seems far from equal. Whatever your or his views on the subject, getting married would improve your legal position. If this is not an option you wish to consider, I think it may be time to assert your position. If he earns 2.7 x what you earn and you were married, would you still be contributing half towards the bills? I would not. In an equal partnership, each partner has the same left to spend on themselves after all the bills are paid, don't they?

I realise your child is not his child but, if he cares for them the way you say, should he not be contributing to their care? Just my 2p worth but I know how these things can eat away at you to the detriment of your relationship. I am so glad I am past all that now.

BlackBird75

Sorry if this has been mentioned, but is it possible for the OP to buy a "share" in this house?

If it was my girlfriend, I would agree to split the house. You say it's worth £350k. So what about buying a 20% share at £70k? Could you get a mortgage for that?

Then you "own" 20% and he "owns" 80%. And what you each pay your mortgage lenders is your own business.

Split the utilities 50/50, as I presume you're both there full time.

It's an advantage to him, as his debt will decrease. (I'm assuming he currently owes the lender about £180k? So he can pay off this debt with your £70k, to make his debt £110k).

C_Mababejive

You have no security whatsoever. If this cannot be resolved soon then i would look for somewhere else,move out and end the relationship. How long are you going to wait?

I think the real answer is to sell the current home and make a joint purchase together. If this doesnt fit, well its time to reconsider your position.

BlackBird75

C_Mababejive wrote: »

You have no security whatsoever. If this cannot be resolved soon then i would look for somewhere else,move out and end the relationship. How long are you going to wait?

I think the real answer is to sell the current home and make a joint purchase together. If this doesnt fit, well its time to reconsider your position.

Surely much easier and cheaper for the OP to buy a share in this house?

C_Mababejive

BlackBird75 wrote: »

Surely much easier and cheaper for the OP to buy a share in this house?

Yes id thought about that too but emotionally, well if i were in her position id feel that it never really was my home. It would just be someone elses house that id bought in to. Not one that we had chosen and bought together on an equal footing.

Tom99

[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]£600pm is quite a lot and since it excludes food I would guess a fair about is left over for 'rent' after paying council tax, gas & elec, phone and other household bills.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]I think you need to discuss with your partner you being made a joint owner of the house rather than continue to pay rent. I think you are probably paying more than enough to cover half the mortgage.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]There may be difficulties with the mortgage co etc but once set up, a deed of trust can specify exactly how the proceeds of a future sale would be split. You partners deposit, which effectively bought 1/3rd of the house outright, can be ring fenced so he does not lose out.[/FONT]

warby68

Starmummy wrote: »

Thank you for your post.

I'm not looking to backdate any 'stake' in the house.
My rent/bills/food before moving in were about £1100. My current household contribution is £1000, so I do save a bit (£100) however you could argue that this is paltry compared to the £500 gain he makes out of the situation (my contribution less higher utilities( a bit more electricity, water, no single person discount on council tax)).

I guess (right or wrong) I feel like we have proved that we live well together and I'm not going anywhere, yet I'm still paying a 'trial' can-we-live-together-protecting-his-interest agreement on the household.
My partner earns 2.7 times more than me and our bills are currently split almost 50/50, we both pay for small improvements on the house, yet big ticket items he does pay.
I do not want to 'take' anything, or benefit from him, but part of me feels that because i don't benefit he does substantially. I also want nothing to do with any of his savings or investments (such as the property he owns elsewhere and rents out) as I have made no contribution to any of this. I'm not even saying I want a stake in our home, I just want to know where I stand and to do what is 'fair'.

Also, as I tried to point out before, if I was renting privately I would have certain protection such as eviction right, 100% my own space, recent landlord reference for moving on, name on utilities for financial referencing etc...those things have a "value" that a cohabitation situation forgoes.

As for the debts I have paid off- this has been mostly possible to me receiving a significant pay rise (£9000) due to changing jobs/career last year. So that isn't a benefit or result of our living arrangements.

I was working on the £600 for bills and rent being much less than elsewhere really, not the other £400 which is largely discretionary.

However your analysis above and the way you see things does suggest you aren't happy and feel he has a better deal.

I'd re-emphasize its high time for the chat about how the future looks and then see what the options are. Your later posts suggest you pay what you currently pay at YOUR suggestion mainly but are now feeling the imbalance. Does he actually know that?

Some of the suggestions for written agreements and shares of this and that sound complicated and unenforceable and again cast doubts on the long term relationship. Others have said and I agree, a situation where your 'rights' occur naturally such as marriage or a joint purchase plus wills etc to cover each other and your child fit the bill much better. You sound independent and its proving a double edged sword at the moment - there isn't a 'fair' answer or an easy solution as what you're 'supposed' to do is become full partners in everything if the relationship is looking like one for life - so it stops being his and mine and everything becomes 'ours'

Have the chat, your child gives you the 'good' reason rather than the I'm paying a bit to your mortgage but have no rights not even as a tenant. Then see what looks best. If you then aren't going to pool things more then some ability for you to save a decent pot for if something goes wrong looks like the best and easiest 'interim' change.

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but most of the thoughts seem to be building in your head and starting to fester. He may be totally oblivious if he genuinely thinks you are paying what you want to. Get the conversation started and good luck.

Tom99

[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]£600pm is quite a lot and since it excludes food I would guess a fair about is left over for 'rent' after paying council tax, gas & elec, phone and other household bills.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]I think you need to discuss with your partner you being made a joint owner of the house rather than continue to pay rent. I think you are probably paying more than enough to cover half the mortgage.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]There may be difficulties with the mortgage co etc but once set up, a deed of trust can specify exactly how the proceeds of a future sale would be split. You partners deposit, which effectively bought 1/3rd of the house outright, can be ring fenced so he does not lose out.[/FONT]
[FONT=Verdana, sans-serif]Alternatively if you are moving soon, stop paying 'rent' and save that amount towards your deposit on the next house.
[/FONT]