Living in a house my partner owns

BlackBird75

Comms69 wrote: »

Yes, but that isn't a 'problem'.

The way the guy explained it to me was that "a girlfriend can't become a lodger, but a lodger can become a girlfriend."

I don't know if his solicitor termed it as such, but that was his interpretation.

I think he meant that had the relationship started prior to her moving in, he couldn't later claim she was a lodger when they split up.

BlackBird75

quantumlobster wrote: »

Who's getting divorced? .

People who get married, get divorced.

Unmarried couples separate, but can't divorce. Can still be expensive, but usually less requirements for legal fees etc.

warby68

I think its a really difficult conversation to have and sympathize a bit as, however you put it, it infers either criticism or mistrust.

However the reality is you're probably living very cheaply at £600 pm compared to renting a place of your own. To actually expect to have gained some equity as well would possibly look a bit cheeky in the cold light of day after 18 months. I get where you're coming from and you have a child to protect but as you have debts and were renting before you are still probably gaining significantly from the current arrangement. Presumably you would be able to save considerably towards the 'unknowns' if you didn't have debt and similarly living relatively cheaply is helping you pay off those debts.

I do 'get' that you contribute more than just bills but with the above in mind, I think I'd be inclined to sound out what future plans with OH will look like rather than have a debate about possible 'stake' earned so far. It wouldn't be unreasonable to have a discussion around how do we set things up best going forward so I/we can protect Starchild as well?

From your other posts, he sounds like one of the 'good ones' and may simply see next steps as get married/buy together with everything pooled and protected at that stage. If not tell him the scenarios that worry you and see what he says then, but again more bigger picture than just about what you've paid so far.

Pixie5740

BlackBird75 wrote: »

The way the guy explained it to me was that "a girlfriend can't become a lodger, but a lodger can become a girlfriend."

I don't know if his solicitor termed it as such, but that was his interpretation.

I think he meant that had the relationship started prior to her moving in, he couldn't later claim she was a lodger when they split up.

In your friend's case the lodger/girlfriend still maintained her own room in the property.

Starmummy

warby68 wrote: »

I think its a really difficult conversation to have and sympathize a bit as, however you put it, it infers either criticism or mistrust.

However the reality is you're probably living very cheaply at £600 pm compared to renting a place of your own. To actually expect to have gained some equity as well would possibly look a bit cheeky in the cold light of day after 18 months. I get where you're coming from and you have a child to protect but as you have debts and were renting before you are still probably gaining significantly from the current arrangement. Presumably you would be able to save considerably towards the 'unknowns' if you didn't have debt and similarly living relatively cheaply is helping you pay off those debts.

I do 'get' that you contribute more than just bills but with the above in mind, I think I'd be inclined to sound out what future plans with OH will look like rather than have a debate about possible 'stake' earned so far. It wouldn't be unreasonable to have a discussion around how do we set things up best going forward so I/we can protect Starchild as well?

From your other posts, he sounds like one of the 'good ones' and may simply see next steps as get married/buy together with everything pooled and protected at that stage. If not tell him the scenarios that worry you and see what he says then, but again more bigger picture than just about what you've paid so far.

Thank you for your post.

I'm not looking to backdate any 'stake' in the house.
My rent/bills/food before moving in were about £1100. My current household contribution is £1000, so I do save a bit (£100) however you could argue that this is paltry compared to the £500 gain he makes out of the situation (my contribution less higher utilities( a bit more electricity, water, no single person discount on council tax)).

I guess (right or wrong) I feel like we have proved that we live well together and I'm not going anywhere, yet I'm still paying a 'trial' can-we-live-together-protecting-his-interest agreement on the household.
My partner earns 2.7 times more than me and our bills are currently split almost 50/50, we both pay for small improvements on the house, yet big ticket items he does pay.
I do not want to 'take' anything, or benefit from him, but part of me feels that because i don't benefit he does substantially. I also want nothing to do with any of his savings or investments (such as the property he owns elsewhere and rents out) as I have made no contribution to any of this. I'm not even saying I want a stake in our home, I just want to know where I stand and to do what is 'fair'.

Also, as I tried to point out before, if I was renting privately I would have certain protection such as eviction right, 100% my own space, recent landlord reference for moving on, name on utilities for financial referencing etc...those things have a "value" that a cohabitation situation forgoes.

As for the debts I have paid off- this has been mostly possible to me receiving a significant pay rise (£9000) due to changing jobs/career last year. So that isn't a benefit or result of our living arrangements.

Starmummy

I'd also like to add my partner has always insisted that he is happy to come to what ever arrangement makes me happy, even if that is no 'rent'... but he knows I would not feel comfortable not paying my way.

We have decided that we need to sit down and revisit our joint finances together and discuss what that should look like. I am just trying to get a balance on what is a fair contribution to make.

Pixie5740

He's treating you as if you are a lodger, which you are not, yet you are contributing towards improvements in the home. I can understand where he is coming from but it sounds as if he is having his cake and eating it.

You could suggest that rather than pay "rent" you put that money in a savings account, in your own name, and then if/when you are ready to buy together you use that money to contribute towards buying a new home together or buying into this property by getting a joint mortgage.

I understand that this arrangement is less expensive for you than renting but his mortgage payment is not 100% an expense, some of it is capital repayment and you are helping to repay that capital and build up his equity and I don't think that is fair either.

Starmummy

Would it be unfair of me to ask him to put any contribution I make to the mortgage in a 'pot' so that when it comes to us buying together in a couple of years this becomes my part of the 'equity' in our home together...along with anything else I save between now and then. But if the relationship breaks down i would forgo this money as i would have had to spend it in rent to a landlord anyway.

Also to come up with a written agreement on what happens if the relationship breaks down (i.e i get free use of the guest bedroom and 4-8 weeks notice to find somewhere new...possibly not pay my contribution in this time to use as a deposit on a new place)
I do know we would have to come to some kind of guardianship/contact agreement regarding my daughter too but that's a separate issue.

Comms69

Starmummy wrote: »

Would it be unfair of me to ask him to put any contribution I make to the mortgage in a 'pot' so that when it comes to us buying together in a couple of years this becomes my part of the 'equity' in our home together...along with anything else I save between now and then. But if the relationship breaks down i would forgo this money as i would have had to spend it in rent to a landlord anyway. - Under what circumstances. He dumps you in 9 months, do you forego the money? He cheats, do you forego the money? etc. etc.

Also to come up with a written agreement on what happens if the relationship breaks down (i.e i get free use of the guest bedroom and 4-8 weeks notice to find somewhere new...possibly not pay my contribution in this time to use as a deposit on a new place)
I do know we would have to come to some kind of guardianship/contact agreement regarding my daughter too but that's a separate issue.

Again as above, but with the added point. It's not practically enforceable. If he decides to chuck you out, whether you have this bit of paper or not. You aren't going to regain access without a court order, which a: costs money and b: takes weeks, if not months.


As for any guardianship and contact etc. Remember that you cannot grant PR without the other parents consent.

Starmummy

Comms69 wrote: »

Again as above, but with the added point. It's not practically enforceable. If he decides to chuck you out, whether you have this bit of paper or not. You aren't going to regain access without a court order, which a: costs money and b: takes weeks, if not months.


As for any guardianship and contact etc. Remember that you cannot grant PR without the other parents consent.

I'm not sure the circumstances should make a difference, i'm not wanting compensation if he 'cheats' that's not constructive at all.

I was looking at considering a cohabitation agreement with help of a solicitor maybe.

I understand the PR thing, Even if we were married he wouldn't have PR. But it would be important to them both to maintain a relationship.