Pretending to other family members

price83

Basically I have not told any of my family about mine and my fiances money problems. I know they would be devestated. We own our own house and live completely seperate lives from my family and it would kill me if they ever found out. However my mother does not understand why my fiance is 'such a tight meanie' and never spending money on me! For her you can only have a good time if a lot of money is spend on meals, theatre tickets, foreign holidays etc. She is now on the war path for my OH not buying me anything for our 6 year anniverary last week! (we had decided NO gifts!) As she does not know about the repayments I can understand how she cannot understand where the money is going. She knows our wages and would knows we should have around £500 spare a month. She sees us scraping money together everyday just to get essentials and I can only pretend to be saving it for so long! - I know she is just worried for me she wants me to have the best in life and I will - from September 2008 - but I have to repay everything first!
How do you keep it all hidden from loved ones you dont want to distress?

themaccas

Hi price, we haven't told any of our family or friends either, most of them think we're really careful with money:o I was out shopping a couple of weeks ago with my best friend and I was saying how I'd love to change my car and she asked why I just didn't go ahead and change it as she thought we were 'doing alright'. I just said we were because we weren't fivilous with money.
OMG how stupid does that sound now and I'm even embaressed putting that on here but I can asure you we are not the only ones on dfw that lie and hide our true financial staus from our friends and family:o . I just usually shut down and make it clear that our finances are a personal matter between myself and OH and are not up for discussion:rolleyes:

Kaz2904

The easy answer is that you can't without them thinking things like this!
You can always say that things are a bit tight because you've had a lot of big bills and that you want to avoid the situation again but the best way is to let them in on the truth even if it is scant details. That can take the pressure off.

sammiboo

Hi there

Welcome to MSE

If I am being completely honest I have never kept my money issues hidden. for me i think thats worse than trying to deal with your debt mentally. I didnt hide my problems, moreso I just ignored them if i am honest.

Once I faced up to my debt I didnt go into detail with my parents but told them I owed money I didnt have spare money.

My OH helped me get my finances sorted, giving advice etc.

Do you know exactly what you owe?

Also I think you shold be careful, if your mother thinks your OH is being mean with money etc it could put pressure on your OH if your mum ever let herself blow then it could be unpleasant for everyone.

Wouldnt it best to tell her things are tight at the minute without going into detail. She doesnt need to know the ins and out but it might release some pressure on you both?

doodledo_2

I'm the same my family all know we have debts and that we are trying to sort them therefore, things are tight and we don't do as much as other people may.

They don't however, know how much or what for as basically its none of their business.

It does help with them knowing as I found my family are much more considerate and don't suggest things we can't afford and don't put us in awkward situations where we cant do things because of money.

Peter_Pan

I tried keeping our financial position from family for years, its a complex story but i have struggled through with very little/no moral support from OH due to mental health problems and it came to a head a few weeks ago, i couldn't keep on and our marriage nearly ended and my parents who i am very close to in most respects caught me off guard and realised something was very wrong and in fact i was very unhappy (have always managed to put on a brave front) and i have to say they have been wonderful, it must be very worrying for them especially as we have 3 children they adore.
It has meant OH has had to face up to going Bankrupt and we will probably lose our car but i couldn't have gone through the last few weeks without their support.
All I know if my health was starting to suffer and I couldn't afford for that to happen.

immoral_angeluk

I've always been honest with regards to our finances. If people have a reason to know or it comes up in conversation then I tell them. Everyone understands and although we sometimes get a little lighthearted teasing it's only ever meant in a friendly way and they understand if we say we can't afford something right now.

At the end of the day.. she's your mother... what would be the harm in telling her?

southernscouser

It's become second nature to me. I'm becoming quite a good liar. :rotfl:

Incidentally my new film is released this Friday and I've got some spare tickets to the the New York premiere and after show party if anyone is interested?

immoral_angeluk

southernscouser wrote: »

It's become second nature to me. I'm becoming quite a good liar. :rotfl:

Incidentally my new film is released this Friday and I've got some spare tickets to the the New York premiere and after show party if anyone is interested?

Can I come? I'm the spitting image on Angelina Jolie

ciarasdreams

southernscouser wrote: »

It's become second nature to me. I'm becoming quite a good liar. :rotfl:

Incidentally my new film is released this Friday and I've got some spare tickets to the the New York premiere and after show party if anyone is interested?

Can I come please because I have not been to New York since my 21st birthday.

chipbeck

I keep it to myself ......................................................and it's eating me away.