How to Reduce Christmas Present Obligation?

Sea_Shell

Deserve.....an interesting word.

jewelqueen

I made the decision several years ago to stop sending paper cards for Christmas and birthdays. My one exception is to send them to my older relations who don't have a computer. I now send e cards each year. On the present front, I tried stopping presents to a relative's family many years ago and the lady of the house didn't agree. However, several years later she suggested it to me! So, I reckon that if you make the first move then others will follow. If they don't, so what? DO NOT be pressurised into buying when you either can't afford it or don't want to.
As a family we now spend a maximum of £10 each at Christmas but I'm fortunate in that I only have a handful of people to buy for. One stipulation is that our presents can be bought, handmade or grown. If bought, ideally it should be something where a charity benefits, e.g. an item bought in a charity shop. The emphasis should be on the pleasure of giving and sharing not on the monetary value of the goods.
My advice, for what it is worth, is to do what YOU want to do. Stay strong and let them do their own thing and don't feel guilty about the decision you've made..

beanielou

Pollycat wrote: »

I think this is fine if you've had the chat with friends/family in plenty of time to set their expectations (you don't say if you have or not).

I'd think it a bit unfair if you suddenly decided to do it without saying anything as people may spend money they can ill afford because they think they'll be getting a gift from you.
Not what Christmas is about, I know, but a lot of people do tit-for-tat buying.

Yes, people are aware.
It has been a gradual thing over 2-3 years & this year is the final cumulation.

Pollycat

Sea_Shell wrote: »

What about not wanting the tit for tat buying when the budget isn't the issue.

Just because you may be able to afford to buy for the world and his wife, doesn't mean you have to.

If course it doesn't mean you have to.

You still - imho - should have the chat to say you want to stop tit-for-tat buying.
If it's something that has been going on for a while, I think it's rude not to say anything.
In our case, it was only Christmas cards but I found I was sending cards to cousins that I'd not seen for years with grown-up kids that I'd never met.
It suddenly seemed pointless and I'm sure everybody was relieved when I broached the subject with the Aunts.

In the OP's circumstances, I think I would have stuck to my guns and said I wouldn't be buying gifts and would prefer not to receive any.

maman

VfM4meplse wrote: »

If you don't want to to show your affection for others by spending money on a treat for them, by all means don't. But treat them well in other ways instead.

Remember that throwing money at a situation is often the result of being time-poor. Shame on anyone who has the disposable money but don't use a little of it to give someone a bit of happiness when they deserve it.

Your post sort of implies an obligation I think that may just be the way I'm reading it.


I'm certainly in the camp that can afford it but chooses not to give tit for tat presents at Christmas time. It's precisely because there's so much tat about and because I can and do treat myself to anything material that I want/need.


I take great pleasure in treating my DDs throughout the year when an opportunity arises, buy them generous birthday presents and like to give friends 'saw this and thought of you' gifts when I can.


Sometimes, people 'throw money' at the situation because they want to ensure that the person has what they want not a piece of tat.

candygirl

The adults in my family, have agreed not to buy for each other from this year on.We all have more or less everything we need, and just want to concentrate on the kids.
My DD n family are away for Xmas, so I'm gonna have a special day with the Grandkids before Xmas, n take them to the pantomime etc

VfM4meplse

Sea_Shell wrote: »

Deserve.....an interesting word.

Well, surely you wouldn't want to encourage poor behaviour? I doubt that I would pass on a small gift to the local serial killer as a token of seasonal goodwill, no matter how good their intentions might have been!

I do think those that have the means should help out others in small ways, especially of they have directly benefited from their kindness. If you don't have time, then why not something they will enjoy but wouldn't treat themselves to?

Ggardener

I have been sending presents to my nephew, niece and their children for years. I haven't seen them for years & I haven't even met the youngest one! I never get an acknowledgment from them and they are much better off than me. I'm afraid of upsetting my sister (their mother) if I stop giving. Help!

Mojisola

Ggardener wrote: »

I have been sending presents to my nephew, niece and their children for years. I haven't seen them for years & I haven't even met the youngest one! I never get an acknowledgment from them and they are much better off than me.

I'm afraid of upsetting my sister (their mother) if I stop giving. Help!

If you never see them, what effect will it have on your life if your sister is upset?

Ggardener

But I see and spend time with my sister.