How can I help & cope with a depressed/grieving grandma?

Jlawson118

tasha-debt wrote: »

she looked after the family her whole life. Its out turn to look after her now.

That's exactly that I've turned around and said to people when I've mentioned the situation. My grandma was always the one who kept the family in check but yet she's just become so frail now and I think it's partially that which hits me the hardest seeing her this way

Robisere

I am currently going through Chemotherapy and drugs after a Pancreatic cancer op in April. The tail of my Pancreas and my spleen were removed, but it turned up again in a Lymph gland. At 73 and have had past op's for a crushed vertebra, a removal of diseased bowel and subsequent Parastomal Hernia, then gall bladder removal, before the cancer op.


My loving, supportive, lovely wife, love of my life, is 72, has had a new hip, is awaiting a new knee. We are both disabled and I would worry that I am going to leave her, but I am content because we have such amazing family support. We have a ds and dd with 4 equally supportive, loving grandchildren aged between 13 and 24. One gson in particular is just like you, OP: he volunteers to help whenever he can and is waiting for a date by our gardener to carry out some work, whereupon dgs will remove and dispose of 20+ heavy slabs as preparation.


We are lucky to have them live so close: 6 miles away in the next village. Ds passes our village on his way to work and back and calls in to see us. Similar visits to & from work, by dd.


OP do not ever consider that you are not helping your gran, even if she uses you as a verbal punchbag to hide her grief. I could not consider losing my wife and I know she feels the same about me, but knowing there is someone who will take some of the load, whilst taking the blows, is a magnificent if thankless task and you are doing it well. Knowing that there is such support for my wife, should I go tomorrow, is incredibly helpful to me.


Just keep doing what you are doing. It's great!

Jlawson118

Robisere wrote: »

I am currently going through Chemotherapy and drugs after a Pancreatic cancer op in April. The tail of my Pancreas and my spleen were removed, but it turned up again in a Lymph gland. At 73 and have had past op's for a crushed vertebra, a removal of diseased bowel and subsequent Parastomal Hernia, then gall bladder removal, before the cancer op.


My loving, supportive, lovely wife, love of my life, is 72, has had a new hip, is awaiting a new knee. We are both disabled and I would worry that I am going to leave her, but I am content because we have such amazing family support. We have a ds and dd with 4 equally supportive, loving grandchildren aged between 13 and 24. One gson in particular is just like you, OP: he volunteers to help whenever he can and is waiting for a date by our gardener to carry out some work, whereupon dgs will remove and dispose of 20+ heavy slabs as preparation.


We are lucky to have them live so close: 6 miles away in the next village. Ds passes our village on his way to work and back and calls in to see us. Similar visits to & from work, by dd.


OP do not ever consider that you are not helping your gran, even if she uses you as a verbal punchbag to hide her grief. I could not consider losing my wife and I know she feels the same about me, but knowing there is someone who will take some of the load, whilst taking the blows, is a magnificent if thankless task and you are doing it well. Knowing that there is such support for my wife, should I go tomorrow, is incredibly helpful to me.


Just keep doing what you are doing. It's great!

I really am so sorry that you both have to go through this I'd never wish it upon my worst enemy. I guess it's times like this you really do figure out who's there for you and what you have in terms of friends and family.

My grandad felt very similar I think. He used to buy my grandma a birthday card every year, but last September he bought her a very expensive one that expressed a lot of feelings, and he never usually did that. He was scared of leaving her, but I guess when nature takes its course then we have no choice

LilElvis

Jlawson118 wrote: »

She does know I struggle when on nights and she does understand. If there's anything my grandad ever told me when I started working, was to work as much as I can, especially if overtime is ever on the horizon, because it might not always be there. So she does want me to work and does completely understand.

My grandma does often use the bus, but she is a little unsteady on her feet at the moment. She's suffering with some spinal issues at the moment and is awaiting an operation to try and correct it, so she's quite scared of falling. She did have a very nasty fall a few months ago. I got up at 10pm one particular night to see my mum & step-dad walking through the door, I asked where they'd been and they'd been sat in A&E with my grandma for five hours. So that has knocked her confidence a little bit. But I dropped her off at the bus stop the other day to make things easier, if her neighbours are driving into the local town then they'll offer her a lift, but even so, taxi's aren't overly expensive either so she does have those options

Something which would both help alleviate her fears, and that of the family, and provide rapid help in the event of a fall would be to get her a personal response alarm. My MIL has one which she wears on her wrist when she is in her flat. She had a minor fall earlier this year and, due to having broken her hip previously, could not get up. She pressed the alarm and within 10 minutes paramedics were with her and taking her to hospital for a checkup.