DMP mutual support thread part 13 !!

Suseka97

January2015 wrote: »

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I highly recommend the NEDCAB DMP website for generating letters etc. which can be personalised/adjusted in Word if you need to.

Just to add to Jan15s advice in response to Loobylou's post - I think you'll find that when you register on the NEDCAB site it provides a reference, which folks have found useful when going SM because it seems that creditors like to have one Seems they take references quite seriously :rotfl:

Suseka97

Loobylou07 wrote: »

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I'm planning on making token payments until Feb/Mar, unless I bottle it sooner, and get our EF as healthy as poss. Living without credit is seriously scaring me, but I absolutely know and realise that living WITH credit, for us, is not a good idea. We can't manage it. We got ourselves in debt in 2010, and worked our !!!!!! off to get 'mortgageable' in 2015, and now we're back in debt. So although we had no dmp or anything else in 2010, we did budget and struggle so we know we can do that again.
I've just confirmed a 7 year fixed rate deal with our mortgage company so can tick that off my list of worries.
We just need to get our heads down now, follow the process, and get it done.
I don't want to put our lives on hold though, we have two children and want to enjoy the occasional day out/treat with them, so I want our budget to allow for that.
I'm going to start a diary on here too.
I have to admit to being quite obsessive and have spent HOURS researching the path we have chosen which makes me feel more prepared.
So yes, I'm scared, yes I feel crappy, but I'm ready.... bring it on defaulticon!!
Loobylou07

I like the 'defaulticon' reference

Sounds like you've got this and you are working through the process methodically - so well done. It is scary at first, but if you hold your nerve you'll get there. Most, if not all, of your creditors will put your accounts on hold for 30 days - that's pretty standard these days. You'll have to be prepared for an onslaught of letters, but most are just computer generated and are what creditors have to send when you stop making your contractual payments. Some may quickly default - others won't, so keep a watchful eye on that. You ideally want those defaults no later than 3 - 6 months (max) from the date you start your SM DMP.

I agree with your comment about not putting your lives on hold - it's important, especially when you have children, not to set your DMP payments too high so that it makes life miserable. It's a balance between living and being debt-free in a timeframe that suits you.

Good luck

Moveslikeagger

carbootcrazy wrote: »

:wave: welcome to the thread. Congratulations on addressing your debts and starting a DMP. Things will get better from now on. See it as the start of the rest of your life:beer:


I'm sure most people would say it's best to be completely honest with partners not least for the emotional support they can give. As to when to tell all, that's a difficult one. You say you've started seeing someone so I assume the relationship is quite new. If you don't feel he'll stay around if you tell him about your debt situation it might be a good idea to wait a bit. That may have it's drawbacks though as if he still feels he can't cope with it when the relationship is better established it would be a much more upsetting experience when it ends.


I'm not the one to preach about about this though as I had massive debts of just under £57,000 in 2013:eek: and I never told my partner anything about it. I'm amazed how I managed to keep it all secret and he still hasn't an inkling that I am in a DMP. We have been together since the 1970s but have always kept our finances totally separate. I wasn't worried about him walking out (or throwing me out as the house is in his name) but he has an unpredictably violent temper which I daren't risk. I do know though that the stress and anxiety before I started a DMP when I was constantly terrified of him answering the phone to one of my creditor or, worse still, a debt collector knocking on the door was horrendous. Obviously once the DMP kicked in all that worry dissipated straight away but I still have little twinges of anxiety when I feel he might still find out somehow. That's one of the reasons I was hell bent on getting the debts paid off in the shortest possible time, I just want to be free of them and live a 'normal' life.


Keep posting. Good luck:beer:

Carbootcrazy,
Just wondering how did you keep this a secret? Did your creditors not bombard you with letters and phone calls?

Moveslikeagger

Also, I’ve been reading about people have Charging orders against there house.. How likely is that to happen to me? We are 72k in debt but have double that in equity. Will creditors still go down the route of trying to make us sell our house?

[Deleted User]

Moveslikeagger wrote: »

Carbootcrazy,
Just wondering how did you keep this a secret? Did your creditors not bombard you with letters and phone calls?

Thanks for the question.

My partner and I have lived together since the late 1970s but decided not to marry. We have no children. We were pretty avant garde for the times, co-habiting has become the norm now:rotfl:. As a result we have different surnames so all correspondence addressed to me is not likely to be mistakenly opened by him as it might be if addressed to 'Mrs....' . We would never dream of opening each other's mail.


As for phone calls, he very rarely answers the landline phone anyway, never has done. He just says something like 'the phone's ringing' if we are both in at the time (even though I can obviously hear it:rotfl:) and I get up and answer it. It's usually for me anyway (regardless of the debt situation). More often than not, if he's home alone and it rings he'll let it go to answerphone and I deal with it when I get back. I've never been able to ignore a ringing phone myself but he's always done it. Lucky for me, eh? Just twice in the very early days just pre-DMP when the phone was red-hot with creditors phoning me, he answered it when I was out. Thankfully the caller just asked for me by name (and knew I wasn't 'Mrs' anything so knew he wasn't my husband and as such did not divulge anything). They just asked if I was available, he said no, they said who they were (Lloyds, MBNA etc) and would he ask me to phone them. Nothing untoward there and he didn't think anything of it or even ask me what it was about. Once I was on a DMP I specifically asked creditors to contact me only by mail, NOT phone, and they have all honoured it.


I need to explain our finance situation. We both had salaried careers and separate bank accounts. We split household bills 50/50 and didn't have any joint accounts anywhere. For instance, I paid the electricity and phone/broadband bills and the accounts were just in my name. Not that it was relevant as I never missed a payment to the utility companies, was never in arrears or was ever late paying. I was also responsible for all food and grocery shopping and that was a problem as my debts (accrued for various reasons that he knew nothing of) meant I was scrabbling around for loose change to buy food to see us through the weekend sometimes:eek:. I relied massively on credit cards for everyday living, part of my downfall:o. Obviously, the cards and accounts were solely in my name so he had no inkling of the scary outstanding balances as he never saw my statements.


In case it looks as if I was paying the lion's share of household expenses, I wasn't. It worked out pretty much equal. He paid the mortgage when we had one ( a tiny one thank goodness that was paid off when we were in our 40s and long before I had any debt worries anyway). It was never in joint names anyway. He also pays the exorbitant bills for the oil (we have oil central heating being rural with no mains gas out here:(), household insurances, council tax and water rates. I paid all expenses and insurance for our pets. We both buy, pay tax, insurance etc for our individual cars.


As you can see, it's been easy to keep our spending totally separate and hence my debts were known only to me. They are my debts, not his. I realise this wouldn't work for most other people but it was/is how we are. My total ineptitude with money has never impinged on his credit record or score, his is perfect and mine is pants. We have no financial associations so there's no info about me on his report and vice versa.


Reading back through this it sounds like we are a very odd couple:eek: but the situation works for us. We've been together without marrying for decades (much longer than many friends and relatives who married and then divorced) so something obviously works:rotfl:

Suseka97

carbootcrazy wrote: »

.......

As you can see, it's been easy to keep our spending totally separate and hence my debts were known only to me. They are my debts, not his. I realise this wouldn't work for most other people but it was/is how we are. My total ineptitude with money has never impinged on his credit record or score, his is perfect and mine is pants. We have no financial associations so there's no info about me on his report and vice versa.

Reading back through this it sounds like we are a very odd couple:eek: but the situation works for us. We've been together without marrying for decades (much longer than many friends and relatives who married and then divorced) so something obviously works:rotfl:

That's very good of you, CBC, to share to help others in a similar situation and you've done amazing to bring your debt down to its current level. Just goes to show what can be achieved.

My situation was somewhat the reverse of yours - even though we've been together 27 years, for 22 of them we were like you, no financial association (bar the mortgage) with separate bank accounts and sharing the household builds. When my OH finally divulged that he was in a very, very, bad financial pickle and had reached out to SC for help, I then took control. The options were for him to take out a DMP and I would continue servicing my debts and paying my share of the household costs or we would enter into a joint DMP. We chose the latter and only did so because I felt it was the right thing to do at the time. So we ended up with a joint bank account and joint DMP. Once in I have to admit there were times (and I kept those thoughts to myself) when I wish I hadn't -and times when I felt completely panicked and overwhelmed by it all. It was this forum and the good folks on here (including you , Jan15, Sourcrates, Fatbelly to name but a few) that kept me on the straight and narrow and helped through those darker times.

Fast forward to recent times, I now have all the confidence to see this through to the bitter end (or, actually, not so bitter in reality) and I get a lot of satisfaction in 'paying back' all the help I received, by sharing my experience and giving guidance to others when I think it might help.

We've got this :beer:

Suseka97

Moveslikeagger wrote: »

Also, I’ve been reading about people have Charging orders against there house.. How likely is that to happen to me? We are 72k in debt but have double that in equity. Will creditors still go down the route of trying to make us sell our house?

That's likely to only be because debts have ended up in court and people have ended up with a CCJ, also happens (I think) when people go down the bankruptcy / IVA route.

You're going to set up a DMP, yes? So just focus on getting that up and running and put thoughts of 'charging orders' out of your mind. I started with debts totally more than you and we had enough equity in our house to pay them off, but I had no intention of selling.

Moveslikeagger

CBC.. your relationship is great as it works for you! Nothing is unusual as we all have different life’s and relationships. I commend you in your DMP. I am just starting mine and my wife does know about it however she is 2 months pregnant and I don’t want constant calls and stress on her as I said I’ll deal with it all! More concerning is if creditors want to put a charging order on our house! How likely is this ?!

Moveslikeagger

Hi Suseka.. yes starting my DMP journey. I think I’ll go self managed as I only have 4 creditors. I’m going to send off my letters today asking to freeze Interest so I’ll see what they come back with!? Halifax are my biggest concern as I owe them 35k and from what I have read seem like a nightmare to deal with! If it all gets to much I’ll contact StepChange! Any advice you guys can give is greatly appreciated as honestly without finding this forum I don’t think I’d have been able to do this!

January2015

Moveslikeagger wrote: »

Hi Suseka.. yes starting my DMP journey. I think I’ll go self managed as I only have 4 creditors. I’m going to send off my letters today asking to freeze Interest so I’ll see what they come back with!? Halifax are my biggest concern as I owe them 35k and from what I have read seem like a nightmare to deal with! If it all gets to much I’ll contact StepChange! Any advice you guys can give is greatly appreciated as honestly without finding this forum I don’t think I’d have been able to do this!

We owed Helifax about £35k when we started. To be honest they have been fine. We had to argue to have interest frozen and defaults registered in a timely manner - but they listened to the arguments and played nicely :rotfl:

Don't worry about Helifax - if you run into any concerns, just pop back here and there are many of us who have dealt with them (and other creditors) who will give you words to make your case with.