Advice for sister buying house with elderly mother

BobQ

Beegarden wrote: »

Thank you Another Joe for all of your comments.
I have often mentioned to my Mum about taxis (she could afford it) but she likes to be independent and is quite insistent on driving.

I hope her hill starts are good as there are some devilish hills in Brighton.

BobQ

Beegarden wrote: »

Regarding a flat of her own, she has been told that prices in Brighton are even more than Maidenhead .

Average prices are misleading but on average Maidenhead is much more expensive than Brighton

troubleinparadise

mrschaucer wrote: »

I thought property was disregarded if lived in by a relative over 60. Is that no longer the case? And age really has nothing to do with deprivation of assets if the lady is fit and well.

You’re right that age has nothing to do with deprivation of assets and anticipation of future care needs - a diagnosis with a degenerating illness which will probably require future care does mean that taking actions to avoid paying for care by gifting assets would! Whatever age you are.

The property disregard “over the age of 60” applies to a spouse/partner, sibling, child who also occupies the property with the person being assessed, and is over 60 when the person requiring care is financially assessed, not the person being assessed, who can be of any age.

In this instance, there is no suggestion that the Mum has any diagnosis of a degenerating illness, but it would be unwise to overlook considering what might happen in the future, and that funds might need to be accessed.

BrassicWoman

If my sibling was prepared to have elderly parents live with them with all the potential future care that may require, I would happily wave goodbye to my inheritance knowing mum was being looked after. The fact they have grandkids to see every day too - brilliant!


Their quality of life would far outweigh anything I felt "entitled" to and any inconvenience to me visiting them.


I would not overlook the emotional cost - which you are not paying - of having someone else in my home 24/7.

Sea_Shell

BrassicWoman wrote: »

If my sibling was prepared to have elderly parents live with them with all the potential future care that may require, I would happily wave goodbye to my inheritance knowing mum was being looked after. The fact they have grandkids to see every day too - brilliant!


Their quality of life would far outweigh anything I felt "entitled" to and any inconvenience to me visiting them.


I would not overlook the emotional cost - which you are not paying - of having someone else in my home 24/7.

But we don't know if they HAVE taken that into account. they might not be looking any further down the track than a couple of years....and not considered what might happen in 5, 10+ years time, when she's no longer a sprightly, independent 88 yr old.

They might just be thinking....ooh we can now buy a 1.8M house with a swimming pool, with a little help from mum.

Mojisola

BrassicWoman wrote: »

If my sibling was prepared to have elderly parents live with them with all the potential future care that may require, I would happily wave goodbye to my inheritance knowing mum was being looked after. The fact they have grandkids to see every day too - brilliant!

Their quality of life would far outweigh anything I felt "entitled" to and any inconvenience to me visiting them.

I would not overlook the emotional cost - which you are not paying - of having someone else in my home 24/7.

Very nice if it happens that way.

I know of several parents who were move into children's homes and 'looked after' at home but they didn't have a good life.

One was virtually a prisoner in an upstairs bedroom for the last few years of his life.

Red-Squirrel_2

Will mum be relying entirely on her daughter and family for all her company and social needs?

Surely if she's still independent she would be better off in a retirement flat or sheltered accommodation where she could meet people and make friends and go to some of the social events that are usually arranged at these places?

YoungBlueEyes

There's some very good points above, but one that hasn't been addressed is this - how hard would it be for your mother to go from being independent to dependent. I wouldn't fancy it myself now, and I'm not half your mother's age!

There's a lovely woman a few doors up from me, in her early 80's, who's been widowed about a decade. A few doors up from her is a fellah, late 70's, who was a widower for nearly the same length of time. Long story short one day they got together and decided to 'spend the kids inheritance' by moving to the south of France and spend all day on the gorgeous yacht they bought themselves when they each sold their houses and pooled their money. All their kids are furious (his son and grandson are my plumbers) but they themselves have never been happier! They Skype me regularly with the most jealousy-inducing stories of what they've been up to that month - I hope to god I end up like them

I know this is a rare story but these things do happen.

You don't say how long your mum's been widowed OP, so I hope this doesn't seem disrespectful or insensitive. But what if your mum decided that ploughing money into a house isn't what she wants any more? How would she be able to get her money back if she realised she wants to do something different?

Margot123

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

Will mum be relying entirely on her daughter and family for all her company and social needs?

Surely if she's still independent she would be better off in a retirement flat or sheltered accommodation where she could meet people and make friends and go to some of the social events that are usually arranged at these places?

Talking from experience, there are only so many post-war tales a youngish family can tolerate.

Older people may smile when they are in the company of young people but they smile more when they are with like-minded, empathetic people.