Working mum, child starting school

Jox

Thanks everyone for your perspective, I was lucky to have my mum at home when I was young, then she went to work when I was a teen and I helped with my younger siblings (but then resented that sometimes as I couldn't hang out with my friends after school - but that saved me from doing naughty things like having boyfriends and smoking haha).

I work so we can have a home and a garden and enough bedrooms and holidays and lots of fun and experiences at the weekend.

Life isn't perfect for anyone but we make it as good as it can be.

Good luck to all the kids starting school in September and the emotional parents!

Fireflyaway

It is hard and I think as a parent you will feel guilty no matter what you do! I made the choice to work 9:30-2:30 so I could do the school runs and id really recommend that if it's possible. Of course I was paid less but then I had no childcare costs. Walking to and from school was a good time for us to talk. If there are emotional issues such as bad behaviour or falling out with friends you have time to reassure them. They are small for such a short time and value time with parents over money that's for sure.
However if you cant, you cant. We all have to make sacrifice at some point. Try to let your son know how much you love him. Put up the nonsense drawings on the fridge, learn the alphabet or whatever together. Even 10 mins of totally devoted time is precious. I think being a working mum is only bad when you don't make that effort to connect because you are busy or too tired. Other than that, be proud you are showing a good working ethic and providing food and clothing and somewhere to live!

harrys_nan

I always had to work and doing all the overtime I could get and yes I did miss out on an awful lot of my kids growing up. They both became strong-minded independent adult
At my sons' wedding, part of his speech contained the words " I want to thank my mum for teaching me her strong work ethic and his happy childhood". He now runs his own successful business.
It's not all bad being a working mum, love is what counts and I love my kids

Kaye1

buildersdaughter wrote: »

I have worked with children and families for my whole adult life, and as soon as I retired, I became a grandmother. I have seen every variation of parents working full time /part-time / back-to-back shifts; kids cared for by all kinds of carers. It comes down to this:
Family life is not perfect, and kids do well when they are cared for, listened to, and enjoyed by their families in the time that is available. Parents all over the world do the best they can (with tiny exceptions that we're not discussing here). and kids mostly thrive.
Parents need support - from their families, society and from other parents. We all make different choices, depending on what help is available, and how we can manage best.
Don't waste time and energy on thinking about others - if you can learn something from them, fine, but if not, leave them to their life, and concentrate on making the most of yours.

This is a perfect post!

I am a SAHM and because of the comments other Mums make, I don't really tell anyone- even written on this thread comments include- 'I don't know what I'd do at home all day....' On another thread recently- 'how can you take 6 hours to clean a house....' 'I want my kid to have a work ethic.....' Will my children think I am lazy because I don't have a job?

I know I am massively lucky- but other Mums make me feel crappy about it. Because of the qualifications I have, I won't have any difficulty returning to my original job (which I will)- which is definitely not the case for a lot of Mums. I know this. However, I run a small business from home, do all the bookwork, grow our own food, help our elderly neighbour out, ensure the business is up to date and I am currently booking travel arrangements for a training course. And look after the kids. I'm giving a radio interview on Wednesday to local radio station about bees (I know!) but technically I don't have what is perceived as a 'proper' job. Comments I always get- 'oh, going back to bed are you? Going home to watch TV all day?' I've had the chair of governors offer to help me write a letter because he thought I wouldn't be able to manage it on my own (I have a degree in English). I rarely say anything about these comments.


Working Mums are just as capable of making unkind judgements- which is why the quoted post really rung a chord. In the past month, I've done an emergency school pick up because one Mum I know locked herself out of the car and took another child for a day because her Mum needed to work and couldn't get childcare. I genuinely don't mind helping out- and I know these particular Mums would return the favour- but the idea that I don't do anything all day is prevalent. I even took the kids to a Zoo and when the lady asked me if I wanted to pay the gift aid price, I had to tell her I couldn't as I didn't pay enough tax.

Really, we are all just trying to do our best by our families. I know working Mums who are idiots and I know SAHM parents who are idiots too! OP, don't feel guilty and please, please, please don't listen to bloody Facebook! I know one person who spends her life bawling at her children like a banshee but she only posts those pictures with the fuzzy edges and her life looking perfect. Facebook is not real life.

We all know how hard it can be and we should really try hard to just be supportive. Please pack that guilt away in the drawer, OP, I'm totally sure you are doing your best.

Threebabes

I haven't read the entire thread.

Whilst having my 3, I have worked part, full and not at all. Im back fulltime but one is in his 20's and the girls are teenagers.

I think your 2 hour evenings is about quality not quantity, you could be at home all day distracted by chore, messages but I bet those 2 hours on an evening and weekends are quality time.

suejb2

LandyAndy wrote: »

I think you'll find it means a maximum of 128 hours (168 - 40).

However, I agree with your sentiment entirely.

No, I was subtracting the hours the child was in school !