Lodger's boyfriend staying over a lot

beckysbobbles1

I've had a friend living with me for the past 1.5 years. We've had our up's and down's mainly with her using my house and not being respectful.


I've had issues in the past of her bringing guys home at all hours them throwing up and keeping me awake. It's finally settled down as she has a boyfriend but now she thinks it's acceptable for him to stay over five nights a week.


He's a nice guy however I don't think it's fair me not knowing whether they'll be another ma in my house.


I went on holiday two weeks ago and since then I've noticed he stays over every week night. he's job is closer to my house than his (and he lives with his parents) so I think it's more convenient for him.


In her agreement it states no guests to stay overnight. I've tried to be a bit relaxed about this but it feels like by me being fairer to her, she's not taking advantage of this.


I've wanted to speak to her about this face to face however I haven't seen her alone so I've had to send a text.


I'm just wondering if anyone else has any views on this? I also have a boyfriend and he stays over maybe three times per week. She knows the days he stays over (usually set dates) as I think it's fair for her to know.

Comms69

I think it's time they found their own place together.


You don't need a reason to say no. You could have a different guy stay over each night and still refuse her to have any guests,

HampshireH

If your happy with him staying but would rather he was pulling his weight maybe suggest the agreement is revised (i.e. he contributes financially as well)

I personally wouldnt choose to have a lodging couple but others do.

Also its your house so your boyfriend can stay over whenever you choose.

I agree its considerate of you to let her know

whatdoyouthink...

You're being too easy on her and she's clearly taking advantage and the boyfriend is lapping it up with a free place to stay. Also, your boyfriend could stay over 7 days a week, it's your house after all.

JimmyTheWig

How close a friend are they?

beckysbobbles1

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

How close a friend are they?

To be honest, not that close so if I lose her as a friend, it's not an issue. She was a friend of a friend and we've gotten a bit closer living together.


Thanks for the other replies. I'm very matter of fact and was thinking it's my house and I should be able to do as I please (obviously to a certain extent) however thought I would check whether I was being too harsh.


I've tried to be fair so let's see how she reacts. She still hasn't replied to my message but she might be busy.

getmore4less

Decide if you want to live with a couple in your house

If not stop it or limit it to x nights a week say just Fri/Sat and not when there is school next day

If you do make it worth while financially as you are giving up more.


Given her history then the chances are they would take over, probably best to move them on and get someone new.

HampshireH

Let us know!

I was a joint tenant with a friend once (so a bit different) & her boyfriend began staying over a lot. Got to the point i would get up and he would be in the shower yet she had gone to work.

The day i came home from work at 6 and he was lounging around on my sofa making me feel like i couldnt use my lounge/kitchen when she wasnt due home till 11pm (I was 22 he was 40) was the last straw and as it was coming to the end of the tenancy I made the decision not to renew.

They ended up at his parents. Made it a bit awkward for a while but as time passed it wasnt a problem.

I'm sure it will be fine and if its not then you can get a new lodger. At the end of the day she cannot argue she isnt in breach of your agreement.

moneyistooshorttomention

She's in the wrong having him stay at all - since this is the agreement and she knows those terms.

Five nights a week isn't him "staying over". It's him "living there too" and you've got to choose between:
a. Accepting him living there too and charge them both a couple rate to stay in the house (not the single rate she is currently paying)
OR
b. Give her notice and find someone that is single to live there instead of her (ie meaning boyfriends only stay very occasionally or not at all - as you decide).

BTW - If you decide to let him keep "living there too" - that means your share of the housework goes down from half the housework to one-third of the housework. Three people = one-third share each of the housework.

Mojisola

beckysbobbles1 wrote: »

It's finally settled down as she has a boyfriend but now she thinks it's acceptable for him to stay over five nights a week.

In her agreement it states no guests to stay overnight.

I also have a boyfriend and he stays over maybe three times per week. She knows the days he stays over (usually set dates) as I think it's fair for her to know.

Have you said anything to her about the fact that she's breaking her agreement?

If you're quietly fuming but not telling her that you're not happy with the situation, it will just continue.

She's the lodger and yet you're keeping her informed about your BF - the dynamics of that are all wrong!

beckysbobbles1

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

She's in the wrong having him stay at all - since this is the agreement and she knows those terms.

Five nights a week isn't him "staying over". It's him "living there too" and you've got to choose between:
a. Accepting him living there too and charge them both a couple rate to stay in the house (not the single rate she is currently paying)
OR
b. Give her notice and find someone that is single to live there instead of her (ie meaning boyfriends only stay very occasionally or not at all - as you decide).

BTW - If you decide to let him keep "living there too" - that means your share of the housework goes down from half the housework to one-third of the housework. Three people = one-third share each of the housework.

Thanks for the additional replies.


I would consider him living there but you're right about the rent. She currently pays £550pm and this hasn't increased since she's been here. I was thinking of charging £750pm if it was double occupancy. FYI we live close to London hence that seems high.


She still hasn't replied so I know she's annoyed so I guess I'll see if she's in later and try to have a chat.