Adult Autism Diagnosis?

Savvy_Sue

Quizzical_Squirrel wrote: »

Are you sure you really want a positive diagnosis? How will it change your life going forward? Only you know what you will do with that information.

For example, I am sure I could get a diagnosis but I don't want one.
I am certain it would negatively impact me because I know myself too well. I would take the path of least resistance.
I would stop trying, I would stop learning, I would stop putting myself out there. I would say to myself: the world has to change itself to fit me. But it won't. I would just cut myself off.

I have said before that I am quite glad no-one mentioned the A-word in our hearing when DS1 was young. He was 12 before I was summoned to speak to the school doctor, and after a few questions she sent DS1 away and spoke to me. I thought "you are trying to tell me something here, what IS it?" and I asked if we might be talking about mild Asperger Syndrome (as it was in those days).

I always knew he was different, and I also knew he was hard work, but he was never SO different that I felt the need to go and get answers. Not realising how hard it was for him, we 'made' him behave in certain ways: please, thank you, sorry were one of the hard work areas - sorry in particular!

I think his 'difference' was suspected when he was at nursery, and if we'd been told then, I think we would have made too many allowances, treated him differently to his brothers, eg not taken him on outings (which were always 'boring'), not given him food he didn't like (which he didn't eat, but if you don't try it how do you KNOW you don't like it?), not made him wear clothes which felt 'wrong' (don't get me wrong, he spent weekends in t-shirts and jog bottoms, no collars, no buttons, no zips, but school uniform was school uniform and this is what you wear for school ...)

And I think we would now have a very different adult child, less capable of social interaction.

I still don't know how he 'feels' - well, tbh I know he doesn't 'feel' about most things in the sense which I 'feel' things. But he does have a passionate sense of social justice and speaks when he thinks something is just plain WRONG. And I do know that he can respond appropriately to others.

DH thought about being tested a few years ago, but again we decided against it, because it really wasn't going to make much difference. Not saying the OP shouldn't, but it is worth thinking about carefully.

minimad1970

I scored 44 on the screening test which isn't a surprise as I scored highly on a similar test at my psychiatrist appointment. I'm on the waiting list for an appointment for Autism screening, it's been 2 months so far and I've only just received a letter to say I've been put on the list.

Fireflyaway

Thanks again for all these interesting insights.

The reason it's come to the forefront of my mind is i had a challenging situation at work. One of my team kept being absent and I dealt with the situation based on the premise that she was telling me the truth. My manager told me my leadership was weak because in her opinion the person was lying to me and just saw me as a soft touch. I'm questioning whether I do have an inability to read people well enough to be a successful manager.

Have to say I'm a lot happier now I'm not in that job anymore but it's made me doubt career progression plans I previously had!

dreaming

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

I think his 'difference' was suspected when he was at nursery, and if we'd been told then, I think we would have made too many allowances, treated him differently to his brothers, eg not taken him on outings (which were always 'boring'), not given him food he didn't like (which he didn't eat, but if you don't try it how do you KNOW you don't like it?), not made him wear clothes which felt 'wrong' (don't get me wrong, he spent weekends in t-shirts and jog bottoms, no collars, no buttons, no zips, but school uniform was school uniform and this is what you wear for school ...)

And I think we would now have a very different adult child, less capable of social interaction.

I still don't know how he 'feels' - well, tbh I know he doesn't 'feel' about most things in the sense which I 'feel' things. But he does have a passionate sense of social justice and speaks when he thinks something is just plain WRONG. And I do know that he can respond appropriately to others.

This is something I have thought about over the last couple of years since DD's problems came to light, and the resulting diagnosis. Do I wish we had known earlier so more help may have been available and the drugs/mental breakdown may have been avoided? I don't know because you can't, of course, go back and change anything. We may have had different problems (or none at all) but although I have had counselling myself and know that I did the best I could (as did DD's dad) there is still part of me that feels guilty about all the times I was frustrated with DD's apparent "selfishness". I can't help thinking..."if only I had known". Still, having said all that, when DD does engage with people (which she can do on a one to one basis) she can be very pleasant and helpful, and has a wicked sense of humour. It's just the bit at the end where she will just get and go (often without saying goodbye) that throws people who don't know her.

elsien

Fireflyaway wrote: »

Thanks again for all these interesting insights.

The reason it's come to the forefront of my mind is i had a challenging situation at work. One of my team kept being absent and I dealt with the situation based on the premise that she was telling me the truth. My manager told me my leadership was weak because in her opinion the person was lying to me and just saw me as a soft touch. I'm questioning whether I do have an inability to read people well enough to be a successful manager.

Have to say I'm a lot happier now I'm not in that job anymore but it's made me doubt career progression plans I previously had!

As a NT person, I'm with you on this one. I take people at face value until I have reason to think otherwise and that was my management style. You have absence policies to deal with persistent absences - that's what they're there for. Don't let one comment like that put you off.

dreaming wrote: »

It's just the bit at the end where she will just get and go (often without saying goodbye) that throws people who don't know her.

This made me smile - stood there like a goldfish the first time it happened to me. But I knew the person had autism so shouldn't really have been suprised.

Savvy_Sue

Fireflyaway wrote: »

The reason it's come to the forefront of my mind is i had a challenging situation at work. One of my team kept being absent and I dealt with the situation based on the premise that she was telling me the truth. My manager told me my leadership was weak because in her opinion the person was lying to me and just saw me as a soft touch. I'm questioning whether I do have an inability to read people well enough to be a successful manager.

Flippin' 'eck! As a manager, you can't go around accusing people of lying! You HAVE to accept they are telling the truth, if they are not they will trip themselves up soon enough! You can ask questions to encourage them to do that (trip themselves up), but you have to take their answers at face value. As elsien says ...

elsien wrote: »

As a NT person, I'm with you on this one. I take people at face value until I have reason to think otherwise and that was my management style. You have absence policies to deal with persistent absences - that's what they're there for. Don't let one comment like that put you off.

Yup. Return to work interviews with my manager are usually a hoot:

Manager: what was wrong? Me: I had a sore throat and cough, it led to a chest infection, the GP gave me a fit note (and sometimes antibiotics).

Manager: Is this likely to recur? Me: Yes.

Manager: Is there anything we can do to prevent this happening again? Me: No.

Manager: Is there anything YOU can do to prevent this happening again. Me: No.

elsien wrote: »

This made me smile - stood there like a goldfish the first time it happened to me. But I knew the person had autism so shouldn't really have been suprised.

:rotfl: I know, I had to train all the boys (once they were teenagers) to TELL us when they were going out, and pop their heads round the door to say they were home. Otherwise I'd go upstairs and find one NOT surgically attached to his computer, and I'd be going "Where's Fred?" Or they'd have been out, and I'd come up and find them as above, and not realise they'd got back.

It just seemed like a basic courtesy to me, to let others know when you went out and came in.

Mind you, extracting any useful information from any of them was another matter. I'm sure they all picked up cues from DS1.

"Where are you going?" "Out."

"When will you be back?" "Later."

"Who will you be with?" "People."

"What will you be doing?" "Stuff."

Because DS1 is 'rules-based', we now have a good one, that he will let me have his flight details (he's long-term travelling) whenever he books one. He also lets me know which SIM he's using.

CRANKY40

dreaming wrote: »

T It's just the bit at the end where she will just get and go (often without saying goodbye) that throws people who don't know her.

I do that too ha ha. I quite often get halfway home and think "oops". We also work on coping strategies at home. I'm more auty than my son - most of his issues are sensory. Sometimes I tell him what has happened to me in a certain situation and he's quite good at explaining what people meant by what they said. I also learnt very early on in my work career that if someone phones in and says their van has caught fire or they've had an accident, the first thing that you ask is "Are you alright", not "Where do you need collecting from".

CRANKY40

P.S. I was diagnosed aged 5. The doctor then prescribed valium for me (I was very hyperactive and never slept - and I mean never). My mum was disgusted and said there was no way she was giving me valium (she probably fancied taking them herself by that point) and put them in the bin. That was the end of that and I just had to cope as best I could. When I was pregnant my dad was heard to mutter darkly that he hoped I got one just like me. I have several autistic cousins with varying degrees of severity and I have one ADHD nephew and one Aspergers nephew. My nephews were mostly brought up the same as me and they both have jobs and girlfriends.

Savvy_Sue

CRANKY40 wrote: »

I also learnt very early on in my work career that if someone phones in and says their van has caught fire or they've had an accident, the first thing that you ask is "Are you alright", not "Where do you need collecting from".

:rotfl: Well OBVIOUSLY they're alright or they wouldn't be phoning you, would they? :rotfl:

No, you're right, it is the first thing you NEED to say, purely because it makes them feel better ...

jimbo747

AubreyMac wrote: »

I did not know this was indicative of ASD.


It's been suggested I could have aspergers, I related to all your list apart from the fiction because I don't read books at all or watch dram/soaps but I do watch films and do enjoy fiction as long as its realistic - no sci-fi or silly superpower/superhero stuff.


I put my lack of social enjoyment down to being introverted. I actually get anxious when I have to use a manned checkout at supermarkets and getting my haircut is such a chore.
I live in a flat but will listen before I open my door, If I hear a neighbour opening their door to leave I will wait for them to go first even if it results in me missing my train and being late.


People (even professionals) mainly think I could have aspergers because I've been described as having 'emotional blind spots'. I often don't have sympathy for people when most do. I can only be honest about it, I can't pretend to care or feel sorry for someone when I don't. It's not that I don't have feelings, of course I do. This has caused issues in relationships before because for me it's easy to not go to someone's special event (wedding, visiting new born, big birthday) and not care about letting the guest of honour down - Really my not being there is not personal and I just think they are being too sensitive.


When I had bereavement counselling years ago, the counsellor there suggested I could have Alexithymia which is something I've never heard of before. I did an online test and it said I was on the very cusp.


Ultimately, I believe I just think and act logically/simply and it's mostly others who love to psycho analyse too much and get disheartened too easily.

Wow thank you, never heard of alexitthymia before, just been reading up about it and it describes a lot of what I experience, online test shows I have high traits. Will explain why I rely on cold hard logic, how the wife gets annoyed that I never understand how she's feeling, I hate having to explain what I feel, I'm completely spontaneous and impulsive, and I have little to no empathy for people. I just thought I was a b@stard socially I'm an extrovert, I need to be sat in the middle of table of a large group and be the centre of attention, if I'm stuck on the end next to the quiet awkward types I usually just go home. I need to read up more on this.