any housewives out there?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

This reminds me of the week when the ex decided to take some time off work whilst I was employed three days a week, 10-4pm.

By the Wednesday afternoon (I didn't work on the Tuesday), having had to actually deal with a one year old, a seven year old, two cats and a dog with a car, plenty of money, clean clothes, clean flat and food already in the fridge, he was b*tching about how he might as well be a single parent and how I was lazy for not offering to cook his tea, do the vacuuming and load the dishwasher when I came in.

maman

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

I wasn't quite sure what point was being made because I think that children entertaining themselves with a parent on call is an excellent thing - in no way second best to be entertained by a parent.

Absolutely! And if there's more than one child they love to play together or sit together and play independently sometimes.

As examples, my DDs loved to 'help' me by washing my woollens in warm, soapy water or prepping the evening meal by chopping the mushrooms (often into minute pieces! ). That's not just being 'present in the house '.

Similarly I could wash the floors while they took a nap or get on with other things like read a book. I never found it a 24/7 or even 40 hours a week task.

Perhaps instead of cop out, I should have said opt out. I believe that a parent who chooses to devote 40 hours to keeping house and childcare is opting out of an adult working life. Of course it's personal choice but it wouldn't suit me. It wouldn't be enough to keep my hands occupied or my brain.

thriftyemma

maman wrote: »

Perhaps instead of cop out, I should have said opt out. I believe that a parent who chooses to devote 40 hours to keeping house and childcare is opting out of an adult working life. Of course it's personal choice but it wouldn't suit me. It wouldn't be enough to keep my hands occupied or my brain.

So, in your opinion, to be considered a valid, contributing, fully functional adult, I must work? I must put my children in to childcare, even if it makes no financial sense, and sacrifice being there for them whenever they need me? That NOT paying someone else to raise my children makes me a lesser adult, who is unfulfilled and unoccupied?

HanPop

I do not agree that being a housewife is a cop out of earning a living maman, I would say it’s the hardest job I’ve ever done and I don’t get a lunch break or time off or sick days. I have a 2 and 3 year old and next baby is due in October. Of course that is our choice and I don’t expect sympathy but I just want to convey how much harder it can be than just taking your kids to nursery which I don’t. My husband works full time as well as overtime and we don’t claim benefits and we literally do not stop until our children are all in bed. I make all of the meals healthily from scratch and am trying to do fun and educational things for them everyday, I don’t claim the free hours at nursery because I want to bring them up myself (I also worked in a nursery and it put me off). I know plenty of people who went back to work because they couldn’t handle being at home with the children all day every day. But each to their own. We are not rich and have had to cut our cloth to enable me to stay at home. I wouldn’t expect to be paid for it but I don’t appreciate being looked down upon by lots of people who think it’s just an easy life!

Tabbytabitha

thriftyemma wrote: »

So, in your opinion, to be considered a valid, contributing, fully functional adult, I must work? I must put my children in to childcare, even if it makes no financial sense, and sacrifice being there for them whenever they need me? That NOT paying someone else to raise my children makes me a lesser adult, who is unfulfilled and unoccupied?

Can't speak for maman but, in that situation, I would need to be doing some volunteering or studying as well as the domestic work to keep me sane and to keep me in touch with the wider world, by preparing to rejoin it in the future.

Tabbytabitha

HanPop wrote: »

I do not agree that being a housewife is a cop out of earning a living maman, I would say it’s the hardest job I’ve ever done and I don’t get a lunch break or time off or sick days. I have a 2 and 3 year old and next baby is due in October. Of course that is our choice and I don’t expect sympathy but I just want to convey how much harder it can be than just taking your kids to nursery which I don’t. My husband works full time as well as overtime and we don’t claim benefits and we literally do not stop until our children are all in bed. I make all of the meals healthily from scratch and am trying to do fun and educational things for them everyday, I don’t claim the free hours at nursery because I want to bring them up myself (I also worked in a nursery and it put me off). I know plenty of people who went back to work because they couldn’t handle being at home with the children all day every day. But each to their own. We are not rich and have had to cut our cloth to enable me to stay at home. I wouldn’t expect to be paid for it but I don’t appreciate being looked down upon by lots of people who think it’s just an easy life!

You must be quite comfortably off not to claim tax credits - not everybody is.

NBLondon

Tabbytabitha wrote: »

You're also mking the same mistake as Blindman does in equating the two different areas of responsibility.

No - you're projecting TT We're pointing out that there are other unpaid tasks in the household that are not traditionally part of the "housewife" role. It's up to any household to agree which are "Boy jobs" and "Girl jobs" (as the Prime Minister put it recently) and whether the value/contribution is equal. It doesn't always come out equal (in the eyes of an outside observer) and there are plenty of single-parent families where one person has to do all of them or they just don't get done.

Tabbytabitha

happyandcontented wrote: »

I think it rather depends on how they are entertaining themselves. Watching endless hours of mindless kids tv is probably what many children would routinely do when not being pointed in a productive direction by a parent. Once they are, then yes, of course, it is beneficial to let them do so and develop the skill of being able to pass time independently and productively.

I wouldn't describe children watching hours of TV as "entertaining themselves" - surely that would be the TV entertaining them?

Red-Squirrel_2

thriftyemma wrote: »

I think everyone's circumstances are different, but my experience of full time working parents is that school runs, homework, clubs etc, are generally done by paid care providers.

:eek::eek:


You must know some well off working parents! The only paid childcare that anybody I know takes up is before and after school clubs. They might make a start on a bit of homework with the kids but that's about it!

Red-Squirrel_2

thriftyemma wrote: »

So, in your opinion, to be considered a valid, contributing, fully functional adult, I must work? I must put my children in to childcare, even if it makes no financial sense, and sacrifice being there for them whenever they need me? That NOT paying someone else to raise my children makes me a lesser adult, who is unfulfilled and unoccupied?

This really irks me.

Mothers who use childcare still raise their own children! Would you ever suggest that a dad who worked wasn't raising his own kids?