Divorced and childcare payment question

System

Metalmama wrote: »

Yes that is correct.

It is the mortgage he is paying only.

How much is your mortgage - considerably more than child care I reckon. I think you've got a good deal personally.

davidwood681

Metalmama wrote: »

Hello All,

I am a single Mum with a 19 year old and 10 year old.

I've been divorced just over 5 years, my ex ran up a considerable amount of debt unbeknown to me.

Due to his finances, he pays no child support but the court order stipulates he has to pay the mortgage until the 10 year old completes his full-time education.

I have health conditions which makes it hard for me to gain employment. I am currently doing four part time jobs to keep the house running and bills paid. Ex is on £40k and has remarried, has been on multiple holidays this year, including going to Australia at Christmas, meaning I have the 10 year old for 3 Christmas' running. He pays NOTHING towards the kids. I kit my eldest out for uni, and buy them both all their essentials such as uniform, clothes etc.

Recently he took our son out of school for a short break despite me requesting him not to do so. As a result, I paid for a childcare session which my son missed due to his Dad's plans.

I have asked my ex for the monies and was told as it was my arrangement, he was not going to pay it. So if this is the case, I could pay for multiple sessions and he could take our son and I would still have to pay them. Right.......

I don't think this is right at all. Does anyone know if this is true? Makes no sense if it is.

He also changes his weekends over and I get no consultation, leaving me to cancel my plans to accomodate his requirements.

:mad:

This sentence shows where the true resentment stems from.

Take him to court. I bet you'll end up with less

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Definitely irritating, but for under a tenner, I don't think it's worth getting wound up about.

When it comes to last minute changes, a calm 'well, I'm not going to be there' and following it up with not actually being there tends to reduce it happening again - that's how I stopped the youngest being dropped back by 1pm Saturday because he'd got bored with her - and then a repeat stopped 4pm Sunday being turned into 10am for exactly the same reason. The most effective one, though, was not being in the country for the week (two nights, actually, but if I'd said that, she'd still have been dropped off 5 days early). Three occurrences in total, nowhere near as much messing about with dates and days afterwards.


There's no point getting wound up about how much his wife earns. She can spend her money on what she wants, and if she's got enough money to pay for holidays as well as bills, that's her business.

And considering the rows people have about wanting kids for Christmas, I'd take having the LO three times as a result, as at least you aren't getting all the everyday stuff but not the special days.


It will, however, get easier in a couple of years when the youngest is old enough to be home alone after school until you get in from work - by working all this time, you'll be in a better position to get a single job with normal hours/to work around your health, if you aren't already looking for something more substantial.

In short, try not to stress over the small things, do what you can to minimise his actions inconveniencing you and take lots of deep breaths. You can't make an ex be reliable or the parent you want them to be, but you don't have to do everything he wants all the time.