Divorced and childcare payment question
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Recently he took our son out of school for a short break despite me requesting him not to do so. As a result, I paid for a childcare session which my son missed due to his Dad's plans.
Just wait until you get penalty notice for the school absence - that will be another £60 you will have to cough up :eek:0 -
Sounds to me like you need to be more assertive with your ex.
You REQUESTED your ex not to take him out of school but still let him??? (I'm assuming you are residential parent so had the option to say NO...) - both parents have the same say on this.
WRITE to your ex and agree when he will be having his son then stick to it. - ask don’t tell, unless another battle is wanted
Do NOT let him change dates. If he genuinely can't do one weekend, then Agree that he stays with you, but do NOT go swapping dates.
He pays mortgage instead of maintenance. That is fair. You can calculate how much he shiuld be paying, and if this is less than the mortgage then keep quiet! - but if it’s more...
As for the childcare thing, annoying indeed, but you didn't LOSE money. You just didn't gain money.
Some of that post comes across as quite controlling and manipulative0 -
unholyangel wrote: »Given half of full time workers earn less than £550 a week (£28k a year) and half of part time workers earn less than £180 per week (£9500 a year), I would suggest that its unrealistic for some rather than most.
I’m not talking about the wage but rather running a 4 person household on £20k and enjoying holidays abroad...0 -
I’m not talking about the wage but rather running a 4 person household on £20k and enjoying holidays abroad...
Or in the OP's perspective, running a 4 person household + the mortgage on another property.
Of course most of it depends on the mortgage. In the south, one mortgage would be circa £800 a month, so you would be talking £1600 a month before any other bills.0 -
Hello All,
I am a single Mum with a 19 year old and 10 year old.
I've been divorced just over 5 years, my ex ran up a considerable amount of debt unbeknown to me.
Due to his finances, he pays no child support but the court order stipulates he has to pay the mortgage until the 10 year old completes his full-time education.
I have health conditions which makes it hard for me to gain employment. I am currently doing four part time jobs to keep the house running and bills paid. Ex is on £40k and has remarried, has been on multiple holidays this year, including going to Australia at Christmas, meaning I have the 10 year old for 3 Christmas' running. He pays NOTHING towards the kids. I kit my eldest out for uni, and buy them both all their essentials such as uniform, clothes etc.
Recently he took our son out of school for a short break despite me requesting him not to do so. As a result, I paid for a childcare session which my son missed due to his Dad's plans.
I have asked my ex for the monies and was told as it was my arrangement, he was not going to pay it. So if this is the case, I could pay for multiple sessions and he could take our son and I would still have to pay them. Right.......
I don't think this is right at all. Does anyone know if this is true? Makes no sense if it is.
He also changes his weekends over and I get no consultation, leaving me to cancel my plans to accomodate his requirements.
:mad:
From what I can understand, your frustration is down to the thoughtlessness of your ex towards you.
As you understand, it is better to keep things amicable and arrange it between you both.
In the case of the days childcare, could you have cancelled the session before if you knew in advance? If this is the case, then you need to speak to your ex so this situation doesn't arise again in the future. The only thing I would say, is that it sounds like he did tell you in advance, but you disagreed with him taking your son out of school - which is why the costs was then incurred. The issue then is that you are frustrated that he ignores your wishes, and he will be frustrated at not being allowed to take his son away. Communication is the key and you need to agree ground rules - perhaps no time out of school is one of them?
Similarly with the spreadsheet of dates - talk to him about it and make him understand the impact it has on you having so much uncertainty. You need to know definite plans in advance and I don't think that is unreasonable.0 -
What is it you are most aggrieved about - the missed child care session, or that you have "a pathetic spreadsheet with dates on and they have been changed without asking." Would it help to have a proper parenting plan that covers all aspects of your child's upbringing, and agreement on how you will both parent your child?
As it stands, I am doing all the parenting. Son is spending a week with his Dad for the first time this Summer and only as I have asked. So in 24 weeks of school holidays over two years, he has had one week with him in all that time.0 -
OP you've said he earns 40k but I'm assuming that is what he did earn when you divorced or is it reviewed every year? For all you know he could be on a lot more now.....
I get you're feeling aggrieved but he is paying you, just in the form of the mortgage.
The 19 year old is an adult, mine worked the summer before uni to kit themselves out as they knew I didn't have the spare cash. Why are you still buying him clothes ?
Just out of curiosity, when the youngest leaves school I'm guessing you'll have to give the ex a percentage of the house, especially if he's been paying the mortgage all these years
I don't buy the 19 y o clothes and they have got a job in the uni holidays. It's the younger one that I am kittting out.
Yes, when the 10 y o completes his education, ex will get a a percentage of the house.0 -
Sounds to me like you need to be more assertive with your ex.
You REQUESTED your ex not to take him out of school but still let him??? (I'm assuming you are residential parent so had the option to say NO...)
WRITE to your ex and agree when he will be having his son then stick to it.
Do NOT let him change dates. If he genuinely can't do one weekend, then Agree that he stays with you, but do NOT go swapping dates.
He pays mortgage instead of maintenance. That is fair. You can calculate how much he shiuld be paying, and if this is less than the mortgage then keep quiet!
As for the childcare thing, annoying indeed, but you didn't LOSE money. You just didn't gain money.
I'm the resident parent and asked a solicitor but was told as it is joint parental responsibility, I had no jurisdiction to say no. There is nothing in writing in terms of that responsibilty and was told that was only the case if there was an issue, and time spent with each parent is usually mutally agreed.0 -
As it stands, I am doing all the parenting. Son is spending a week with his Dad for the first time this Summer and only as I have asked. So in 24 weeks of school holidays over two years, he has had one week with him in all that time.
It's exhausting doing the vast majority of the parenting, with little to no rest from the daily strains - been there too.
I think sorting out a routine where your son spends regular time with Dad needs to be a priority, build on the week that your son has spent with Dad this summer and explain the positives to your ex. (son enjoyed spending time with you going fishing/walking/playing football etc), and that you believe that son would benefit from spending regular time with him. I've previously suggested using a parenting plan to set out all the arrangements for your child, and is far more comprehensive that a spreadsheet with dates.
it's not right or fair to either your child or you that the previously "agreed" dates on the spreadsheet are changed on a whim - he really needs to be more considerate and take his parenting responsibilities seriously. (I guess you already recognise this!).I don't even earn £6,500 and we are on a permanent budget
Have you run a benefits check to make sure you are receiving all the benefits you may be entitled to? Have a look here - https://www.entitledto.co.uk/0
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