should my friend give his dead wifes other children some of her estate

nom_de_plume

Just to add another scenario into the mix I presume the son has a father somewhere. Maybe he should be asking him the same question.....

moneyistooshorttomention

Another one that agrees this son is due for one-third of the mothers half share - but cant expect a house to be liquidated in order to give him this money now and he'll have to wait for it until the husband dies in time to come.

He would have to wait for it until his "natural" father died too in the normal course of events - so having to wait for it until a "stepfather" is very much the same position to be in.

It would certainly help if the stepfather agreed with this position and made it plain that this is what he will do come the time and his Will says so quite clearly.

It is a practical point too that, for the last 30 years (?) or so the position has been that the "Government might grab the lot" anyway (ie for care home fees if someone lands up going into care). So one can't guarantee that a person is going to be allowed to leave their own assets as they decide they will anyway - if the Government does find an excuse to get it.

However, right now, the stepfather is presumably grieving for his wife and the half-sisters grieving for their mother. The son may or may not be grieving for his mother himself - but we will assume he is and what he is saying, at some level (whether he realises it himself or no) is saying "I want something tangible to remember my mother by. I'm missing the woman that was my mother".

All round - there are likely to be a LOT of emotions in this and it's probably best that emotions are allowed to "cool" all round before this can be looked at more dispassionately. It's not the place of an outside observer to do anything other than sympathise with the son for losing his mother and, in the future, sympathise with the son again if he doesnt get that "one-third of his mothers half". There's nothing else an observer can do in these circumstances.

elsien

slickric1234 wrote: »

one of my best friends came to me and was upset as he has seen her son and relayed the story about the son asking what he was getting

and asked if I thought he should think about giving him money he doesn't really have now or downsizing his house to give his wifes son a cut of their assets now


as mentioned I suggested putting her son in his will but for now obviously he needs to make sure he has enough money for himself and the 1 daughter whos 15 and obviously still lives with him and will be for foreseeable future

just shocked me that her son would come asking for money
from what he said I doubt he had wrong end of stick as hed already been given the photo albums and will be getting the video on dvd

I would never want to repeat something he said to me to anyone we knew
so rather than ask some of my other friends whether my thinking that Jason is bang out of order asking for money now, I thought id look to an internet forum to see if theres any chance I was wrong and the "correct" thing to do would be give Jason money now.

thanks elsien ill go give my pal a ring now and stir it up some more .. to$$er

Quoted for posterity.

troubleinparadise

slickric1234 wrote: »

my friend had a copy of the photo albums of his wife with his wifes son as a child made and gave them to him

hes also taken some family vhs videos of the wife with her son to a local shop to get them copied on to dvd

the engagement and wedding rings hed bought her were only given to the daughters as she was being buried and an answer was urgently needed. so he asked the girls to decide if theyd prefer one each or bury them with her

in terms of the other possessions if he does ever feel up to clearing the house of clothes etc, id expect clothes and things to go to charity

don't know if the children would want to sort through it and help place them in charity bags, keeping anything they want with sentimental value. no idea if helping clear out clothes helps with grieving or just pulls the scab off a wound

personally found it very difficult going through my grans flat to help my mother clear it, but it did need to be done and I fully expect she wanted her clothes shoes and any furniture we had no use for to go to charities

rather than sift through it myself it would of been easier if someone had come along and cleared it, but the idea of a stranger (even from a charity) going through her things in her flat didn't sit right

The engagement and wedding ring were gifts from the husband to his wife - probably not a jointly purchased item from mutual funds - and it would seem more natural to give those to her daughters than her stepson.

Generalising here from what has been written so far, but it doesn’t sound as though this family were rolling in loads of money, so her estate may have only been a share in the equity of a house, and perhaps some savings. Indeed, there may still be a mortgage to pay, so perhaps not a great deal of equity at all in the house. There’s not often a big bag of money floating around when someone dies, and rather more hope than reality when it comes to inheriting a share of nothing much at all. Indeed, had the lady had lots of investments etc then there would have been a greater likelihood that she would have organised a will.

As things stand, the son might hope for some share of his mother’s estate, but that would really rely on the bereaved husband to make provision in his own will, assuming his estate amounts to anything. Otherwise it sounds like all he might hope for are some clothes.

And he does have his own father to hope for an inheritance from.

Dox

slickric1234 wrote: »

On the assumption he is indeed after money now, does anyone think that my friend should be giving him some sort of a share now?

What on earth does it matter what strangers think? Perhaps the best favour you can do your friend is to stay out of it and not post his personal information on a public forum.

Yorkshireman99

slickric1234 wrote: »

after some advice

a little background
my friend sadly lost his wife recently
she had an adult son from her first marriage who was an adult when they met
my friend has 2 biological daughters with his now deceased wife


her son is now basically asking what hes getting from her estate

hes not after photos and mementos which hes already been offered and given
hes after cash


personally think its disgusting and legally as the family home and joint bank accounts investments etc were in their joint names then obviously even though no will legally all goes to my friend

my friend has always got on fairly well with her son and I suggested possibly leaving him 1/6 of my friends estate in his will in the hopefully distant future


my thinking being his half of the joint estate should go to his 2 daughters and his dead wifes half should be split 3 ways so it would be 2/12 her son and 5/12 each for each daughter


I don't know how rich her son thought they were (but if hes thinking he wants his third of his mothers half now or a quarter if he recognises my friend should get the same from his wife)
then in order to pay him off my friend would have to sell their house as it would only be fair to give their daughters or at least offer them the same chunk now


is my outrage misplaced ???

her son has obviously lost his mother but as much as I try to get my head Around what hes after I just cant

Personally I wish this whole sorry story of greed and disharmony had never become public. Maybe it is a cultural thing in other societies but under English law apart from proper provision for dependents nobody should have any expectation of inherited wealth. Some are lucky and some are not. My own philosophy is to be as open as possible amongst friends and family about my own mortality and dealing with the consequences of death. None of us can avoid it so plan ahead in a rational and logical manner.

moneyistooshorttomention

troubleinparadise wrote: »

The engagement and wedding ring were gifts from the husband to his wife - probably not a jointly purchased item from mutual funds - and it would seem more natural to give those to her daughters than her stepson.

He is her son - not her stepson.

But it does seem the "right thing" to do to give all a wife's jewellery to the close women in the family (be they daughters or step-daughters). Imo - a man wouldnt be expecting a womans jewellery anyway (whether for himself or for any wife he has).

It's the woman or womens place to get it imo.

The question arises as to what the son could be given of equivalent financial value and one hopes there is something that is worth the same amount of money the son could have (perhaps the wife's car?) - but jewellery is a "woman thing" imo.

AnotherJoe

moneyistooshorttomention wrote: »

The question arises as to what the son could be given of equivalent financial value and one hopes there is something that is worth the same amount of money the son could have (perhaps the wife's car?) - but jewellery is a "woman thing" imo.

That could be one of the unintended consequences wouldnt it, the family get deprived of their sole car because the son "must" (according to some laws it seems) be given something.

Or, the wedding ring with great sentimental value but little worth must (apparently) be sold in order that the son can have his third of its scrap value .....

"Thank goodness this isn't in Scotland eh ?" ( where apparently such an eventuality might occur)

Newly_retired

If your friend’s late wife had substantial assets, then she should have made a will, and probably would have made a bequest to her son.
I guess she didn’t have much, other than he share of the home. This would go to the husband, if they were joint tenants.
If she wanted to make provision for her son, she could have done so if they were tenants-in-common. But probably she would have left a life interest to her husband , meaning that he could carry on living there and not have to sell it.
So no, the husband does not have to give this son anything at this stage. He may wish to leave him something in his will. It is up to him what proportion of his estate. There is no automatic entitlement. As one daughter is still a minor, her needs must be paramount.

theoretica

slickric1234 wrote: »

I don't know how rich her son thought they were (but if hes thinking he wants his third of his mothers half now or a quarter if he recognises my friend should get the same from his wife)
then in order to pay him off my friend would have to sell their house as it would only be fair to give their daughters or at least offer them the same chunk now

I think this very much depends on the family dynamic. If the step son was old enough that he had never been a child of the couple, but was going to go his own way with little or no relationship expected with the step dad and siblings, then giving only him a share now and leaving him no stake in the future family finances could seem fair. However, as the younger daughter is mentioned to be 15, I don't see this scenario is the case here.