Raising money for a funeral

Torry_Quine

When my husband died the refreshments afterwards were held in the church hall. This meant no cost to me and easier for people as they didnt need to go to a second location. Would this be something you could have?

I'm so sorry you're in this position. Try to look after yourself and take all the help offered.

Yorkshireman99

Margot123 wrote: »

My condolences to you.

First port of call is the DWP. Also ask the Registrar when you attend your appointment; they will 'signpost' you. Funeral directors can also be very helpful in these situations.

Do what is best for you, not anyone else. Never feel obliged to arrange or pay for anything just because it's the thing to do.

Sorry but thgeDWP are NOT the first port of call. They may help but as I said before the loal council have a legal obligation to pay the full cosys. The OP really should speak to them first. The friends and relatives have NO obligation to pay.

Mojisola

mrsyardbroom wrote: »

Thank you. That would be a help. My husband didn't have any money in his estate. I transferred all his money to my account before he died as he no longer wanted to manage the money in separate accounts.

Yorkshireman99 wrote: »

the loal council have a legal obligation to pay the full cosys.

The council has a duty to recover as much of the cost as possible from the deceased's estate - if his money was transferred just before his death, that looks like deliberate deprivation of assets.

Flugelhorn

When my father died his bank account had about 50% of the cost of the funeral in it - it had deliberately been run down with paying care home costs and we knew it would be close shortly -
Mother paid the rest of the cost of the funeral , their money was always considered joint anyway

Margot123

The OP has enough to worry about without the Council trying to recover costs, and making accusations regarding deprivation of assets.

While Yorkshireman is correct that the Council is duty-bound, that does not necessarily make them the best organisation to approach in this situation. It could open a can of worms the OP doesn't need right now.

This is why I stated that the DWP should be the 'first port of call'. They will only make assessment based on the qualifying benefits of the deceased or the person arranging the funeral.

mrsyardbroom

That's the worrying thing. Deliberate deprivation of assets. The thing is though my husband had peritonitis and then a stroke. The doctors thought he would recover from both. We had previously discussed moving all the money into a couple of accounts instead of having it scattered in different banks and accounts. I knew he couldn't manage it so to save mucking about I just put it all in my name. At the time he had picked up very well and they were all saying at the hospital they were very pleased with him I didn't know he would die the next day. I wasn't expecting to pay for a funeral.

Margot123

The keyword here is 'deliberate'. You appear to have done nothing deliberate, and it is highly unlikely that you will be accused of anything anyway.

Deprivation of assets is normally focused on property transactions where say an elderly person has fully-funded care and has transferred their property to avoid care home fees.

Please don't worry about this right now, you have enough to deal with.

SevenOfNine

My condolences OP.

Same thing I always say, funerals are about LOVE not MONEY. Funeral cars for mourners, flowers, order of service & wakes are for those who can afford it, when you can't then all of that is superfluous. Yes, having it all is beautiful, but it doesn't mean you loved the deceased any less when/if obliged to be more economical.

You are the only family member then you can sit in the front of the hearse. Tell the FD that's what you want to do & they will pick you up to travel to the service with your loved one, it's not as uncommon as you might think. When leaving the funeral one of the other mourners can give you a lift.

Flowers - if you really want some then go to the supermarket, you can get very pretty bouquets or a large bunch of lilies for £10 to put on top of the coffin. Plastic wrapping off & a big bow tied from a strip of ribbon instead. Affix a computer generated 'card' with your message of love. Maybe a nice photo of your husband in an inexpensive (or existing) frame for the FD to place on the coffin as well.

If you want more flowers then tell the mourners they can send/bring flowers if they want to.

Wake - we had my dad & aunts at my house, TBH not so many mourners, only family members, so I did the catering myself. As Flugelhorn has suggested, maybe a friend will step in with the offer of their home for you all to gather in, or just go to a local pub with large gardens, everyone can buy their own drinks. Choose your service time so that stuffing mourners faces would not expect be included (mid afternoon perhaps).

No 'order of service' for either of them. A minister just did the eulogy from info he gleaned from all of us, hymns (using hymn books the crem supplied), Lords prayer (which the mourners mumbled their way through) & time for reflection music.

Follow YM99's advice in the first instance, hospital or local authority will pay if no-one has the cash to do so - there is no shame in that & they do not 'leave out' family members, you will be advised of date & time, can attend & bring flowers etc. The staff at our local crem do a lovely job for those the council are paying for, kind, dignified & inclusive for relatives/friends even though none of them are paying for it.

Follow up on Margot's lead for the funeral grant https://www.gov.uk/funeral-payments

mrsyardbroom

I have the cash to pay for a simple funeral and would have had more but this year something told me to go out and have a bit of fun and enjoy life to the full. My husband was not very fit but he enjoyed little walks and visiting places and having lunch out. I don't regret it one bit. He had three and a half years on dialysis and then a kidney transplant. He never really picked up from the transplant but he was free from dialysis and able to go out in the car and enjoy his life. If I have to fork out a couple of thousand then that's what I'll do but I'll never regret having a bit of a spending spree in his final months. We had been married for 47 years. Treasure your loved ones and give them an extra hug tonight.

Torry_Quine

mrsyardbroom wrote: »

I have the cash to pay for a simple funeral and would have had more but this year something told me to go out and have a bit of fun and enjoy life to the full. My husband was not very fit but he enjoyed little walks and visiting places and having lunch out. I don't regret it one bit. He had three and a half years on dialysis and then a kidney transplant. He never really picked up from the transplant but he was free from dialysis and able to go out in the car and enjoy his life. If I have to fork out a couple of thousand then that's what I'll do but I'll never regret having a bit of a spending spree in his final months. We had been married for 47 years. Treasure your loved ones and give them an extra hug tonight.

That's good.

I hope someone is with you.