Stroppy Neighbour?

SIlvine

My neighbours are causing me some grief and I feel it might have come to a head this evening.
The neighbours have regular parties / gatherings in their house and garden that usually go on for hours and are accompanied by loud music. I avoid going out in my garden when they are entertaining because I don't enjoy the noise or lack of privacy. Their kids are constantly crying or having a tantrum for whatever reason - to say it's not very peaceful would be an understatement. (Everyone else on our row of houses does not have kids and is also very respectful about going about their business in a manner that doesn't bother or disturb anyone else.)
Last weekend their kids put various toys over my fence. Usually, I return the ball or whatever the next time I'm in the garden, however due to the volume of items that came over this time, I expected some sort of interaction to at the very least ask, rather than expect, that I would trot along like a good little gopher and collect everything up for them.
Fast forward to one evening this weekend, when the doorbell went as I was getting into the shower. The doorbell was rung repeatedly and the front door banged on, so I got out of the shower to check my CCTV app thinking something serious was going on. On seeing it was the neighbour and one of the kids, I got back in the shower as I suspect most people would.
This morning I found a note had come through the letter box asking if I could return items over the fence and one to their front door. (It transpires that yesterday, a solid stone garden ornament was thrown over the fence, and obviously not wishing to damage it, this was requested to be put outside their front door.)
I had to go to work - I work full time and also live alone - so I dropped a note back saying to come round to collect everything via the back gate this evening - no problem from my perspective and easier to get it all sorted.
On coming into the garden it was apparent my neighbour was looking for a confrontation. I asked if her and her son could collect up the small items as well as the bigger ones to which I was told she couldn't stop the kids putting items over the fence and that she "hoped I could appreciate that." I said I'd never said anything to that effect and had just asked her to come round and get everything. She then haughtily went off with her son to get everything and then went back round to hers, slamming her garage door shut.
Am I missing something here as to why it's so offensive to ask someone to come and collect up their kids toys? Especially given I've never once raised complaint about the parties and noise? Really would appreciate a heads up if I am missing something...

Lavendyr

Of course she could stop her kids putting items over the fence. Failing that, in your shoes I'd be letting the neighbour (and the kids) know that if anything further comes over the fence it will not be returned. That might help them be a bit more careful. And if they're lobbing stone ornaments over that's incredibly dangerous - could have hit you had you been in the garden! I think you've been more than fair. Next time things come over the fence, I'd give them back together with a final warning.

Do the neighbours on the other side (if there are any) have similar problems? Might be worth having a chat with them.

[Deleted User]

Lavendyr wrote: »

I'd be letting the neighbour (and the kids) know that if anything further comes over the fence it will not be returned.....
Next time things come over the fence, I'd give them back together with a final warning.

Keeping anything lobbed over the fence and issuing "final warnings" is a recipe for ongoing conflict, of course.

I think there has already been a fair amount of passive aggressiveness by the OP, both in not opening the door when the neighbour called and in taking time to write a note rather than simply throwing the items back.

The noise of regular parties etc is a separate issue but it seems to be the root of the problem. By not complaining about that from the off, the OP has obviously built up a great deal of festering resentment.

SIlvine

Hey and thanks for your replies.
As I said, I didn't answer the door due to the shower situation, so in short I wasn't 'decent' and her child was also present outside. Also it was quicker for me to drop a note this morning than go out the back, pick up the c10 items and put over the fence, including bringing round the one that I had been asked to put outside their front door. I just don't have that many hands in the morning! : )
I didn't get the note until I was on my way out to go to work if that makes sense due to the location of my letterbox.
I get that people want to have parties and try to go out as much as I can into town or what not when they're entertaining, although sometimes this isn't possible for whatever reason.

PasturesNew

SIlvine wrote: »

.... I was told she couldn't stop the kids putting items over the fence and that she "hoped I could appreciate that." ...

Confrontational mare.

We all know that of course she can stop them doing it... especially as her and others were present at the time.

At what age does parenting start?
Did nobody send her the memo to say it starts from Day 1?

PasturesNew

Moneyineptitude wrote: »

.... not opening the door when the neighbour called ...

When you live alone and are stark booby naked and in the bathroom .... who is going to dash through to the bedroom, get dressed, then run down the stairs (trying not to trip/fall) and scoot across the hallway just to answer the door? ... perchance you'd even GET there in time??

Nobody does that.

Nobody.

Not even if it's a knight in armour on a horse. Naked = don't even start to think about getting half dressed/decent and opening the door...

You simply don't do it!

SIlvine

Exactly my view on the whole shower / naked / doorbell situation! Explained brilliantly! Now obviously if it was a fire, different story..

hollydays

I'd Definitely avoid passive aggressive behaviour too.Be assertive.
Last time anyone hammered on my door( it's happened recently and only once in my life) I came out and gave as good as I got, of course first I opened the door on the chain until I recognised him.
Not a close neighbour and he'd misunderstood and thought I'd been the one to cause a parking issue, and this was in the afternoon.
No, he didn't apologise and I pursed him to his vehicle and established who he was, then he looked rather ashamed.

hollydays

PasturesNew wrote: »

When you live alone and are stark booby naked and in the bathroom .... who is going to dash through to the bedroom, get dressed, then run down the stairs (trying not to trip/fall) and scoot across the hallway just to answer the door? ... perchance you'd even GET there in time??

Nobody does that.

Nobody.

Not even if it's a knight in armour on a horse. Naked = don't even start to think about getting half dressed/decent and opening the door.but I know hindsight is a great thing

You simply don't do it!

Personally I'd have gone to the door and spoken through it without opening the door.

hollydays

It is not worth getting stressed over

neilmcl

^This. No matter how good the parents are living next to small children can be a pain during the summer months with stuff, mainly balls constantly coming over the fence, been there, done that. I wonder how firm with her kids your neighbour would have been if the stone ornament was returned broken