stepchildren and wills?

DairyQueen

It seems that his idea of commitment is rather different from yours. You appear to view cohabitation as a commitment comparable to marriage. He appears to think differently and, unfortunately, so does the law. His attitude seems to be more akin to house-share/purchase with a friend rather than a lifelong commitment.

There are several ways to protect the inheritance of children without detriment to a partner, whether married or not. Bequeathing you a lifetime interest in his share of the house (tenants in common) is one such. Life insurance with his son as beneficiary is another. However, if he shows no interest in protecting you in the event of his death it suggests that, regardless of how your relationship ends, he is disinterested in your fate from that moment forward.

What happens if you lose your job? Become disabled? If he would see you lose your home if he dies then what kind of support can you expect if something bad happens to you during his lifetime?

In your position I would be counting my blessings that I discovered this difference in expectations before I joined my finances with his. Why don't you move in with him, or he with you, and rent the other property, before you buy together? Who knows what else you will discover when, for example, adversity comes knocking.

BrassicWoman

let him buy the house


you rent your place out


pay half the bills, but not half the mortgage, so you don't gain an interest in bricks and mortar

FBaby

i don't want a penny i just want a roof over my head

But why wouldn't you? If you put in the equity that comes from your current property, then surely you would have enough equity to afford a new home if the joint was sold and you got 50%.

The issue here is the same than what comes up all the time: a property being both a home and an investment. You want it to be an investment to protect yourself financially, but also a home when your OH wants to protect his investment.

I think in this situation, you are better off keeping your individual properties and one moving in the other paying some 'rent' as previously suggested.

Flugelhorn

FBaby wrote: »

I think in this situation, you are better off keeping your individual properties and one moving in the other paying some 'rent' as previously suggested.

Definitely the route to explore. Then if anything does happen to OH you know what will happen to you and will be secure in having somewhere to live - then he can leave the house to the child (and his mother presumably) and not have to get into legal and emotional discussions)

Tabbytabitha

FBaby wrote: »

But why wouldn't you? If you put in the equity that comes from your current property, then surely you would have enough equity to afford a new home if the joint was sold and you got 50%.

The issue here is the same than what comes up all the time: a property being both a home and an investment. You want it to be an investment to protect yourself financially, but also a home when your OH wants to protect his investment.

I think in this situation, you are better off keeping your individual properties and one moving in the other paying some 'rent' as previously suggested.

Financially that makes sense, emotionally less so. Not many people would be happy losing their home at the same time as losing their partner - even if they still had enough money left over to put a roof over their head.

System

FBaby wrote: »

But why wouldn't you? If you put in the equity that comes from your current property, then surely you would have enough equity to afford a new home if the joint was sold and you got 50%.

But why would you put your heart and soul into a place you could call home to have to sell it to give the Son his share?

badmemory

So he only has the basic state pension, so when you both retire you will be helping to support him from your pension provision. Then when he dies you will be without a roof over your head. Sounds like a good plan - but for him not for you.

rpc

Could he give you a life interest in the property with suitable terms? It would then pass to his son, but you would control it until your death.

If you can't agree terms, don't buy.

74jax

rpc wrote: »

Could he give you a life interest in the property with suitable terms? It would then pass to his son, but you would control it until your death.

If you can't agree terms, don't buy.

The thing with this is, the son may need the money too. It's really hard and the main reason my husband I decided to keep his property going and rent it out. I don't want to see him without a home and I don't want my daughter to have to wait may 40yrs to get my house.

A step situation is hard. But the only way forward is to all agree and contribute ideas, my situation isn't for everyone but it's agreeable to myself and husband which are the 2 that fully matter really.

Having the op and her partner so far apart on expectations is hard, but they need to sit down and work out the solution.

Red-Squirrel_2

74jax wrote: »

The thing with this is, the son may need the money too.

Having the op and her partner so far apart on expectations is hard, but they need to sit down and work out the solution.

An inheritance is never a given or a right though, it’s a bonus. The son shouldn’t need it, although it might be useful, because he should be living his life as though it will never come. The best case scenario is that children don’t inherit until they are retired or close to it themselves and then not very much because the parents have spent their money on enjoying their final years!

I agree with the last sentence very much though, OP definitely shouldn’t go ahead with his plan but with a bit of petty revenge thrown in like leaving her half to the cats’ home. It needs sorting so that they are both happy and both feel secure.

A life insurance policy with the son as the beneficiary seems a good solution, as suggested upthread. That way OP doesn’t risk her home and her partner knows his son will receive a good lump sum if/when he dies. It’ll certainly be quicker and easier than selling the house too!

Even if they solve the practical/financial issue though, there is still the issue of the different levels of commitment/consideration to deal with though.