Made A Terrible Mistake

hollydays

badmemory wrote: »

But it is what people do when they are running more than one family. After all no-one gets too upset if you have sons called Sam & Bob & you call Sam Bob or Bob Sam but if you call one of them Joe, that could be the start of the proverbial hitting the fan. One should never underestimate the manipulating abilities of someone who wants his bread buttered on both sides.

I understand entirely.
Imagine if you are a child and you find out your dad has also named a child the same name.You thought you were special and treasured..
I'm not surprised it's a suggestion, but I'm amazed the op is considering it as an option

klew356

I have read through this thread quickly and firstly I would like to congratulate you on your pregnancy. :j
We all make mistakes!? :shocked:
My alarm bells are going off at that he wants to have a relationship with the child… without his wife finding out? it would have to be cloak and dagger. :footie:

Financial support? Take the money he created the baby too and if you don’t need it, put it away for the child!! How does he hid this from the wife? :money:

What does your gut say about him wanting to meet up? Do you think he wants you more than the wife? If you want nothing more then maybe make that really clear.

I wouldn’t deny him access to the child im just wondering how easy access is going to be?

klew356

the name thing is weird, plain weird of all the names in all the world the same name?! :rotfl:

System

I wouldn’t deny him access to the child im just wondering how easy access is going to be?

Thats his problem... downright impossible i'd have thought.

anna_1977

Hi Mylife - how's it going this week?

Pollycat

Mylife
Just to let you know that the other thread that was merged with yours has now been split off (but with the same title as your thread).


How's it going?

Mylife

Messed up, Hi guys just to update you. I finally told my family(most) at a recent family gathering, I just said I am expecting. I thought I had it planned was going to tell the truth but , I just couldn't say it.(shame) I told them the father was someone I had met briefly and unfortunately it did not work out. I sort of implied (without words) that it was a one night stand.It was easier to imply a one night stand than an affair.My mum was disappointed as expected, I could see it from her face. She is a christian and would have wanted something along the lines of marriage etc.She kept asking if we couldn't work things through. My sisters, cousins and aunties were okayish, to be honest I was defensive and didn't give them much choice than to accept it. My uncle true to form thought I was duped by an unscrupulous man, he is old school.. ..

as for me , I have been fine,I live in fear of his wife finding out and it all blows up, we are still in contact via phone, text etc but have so far resisted meeting up. When he calls he talks as if we are still together ie lets do things together. I avoid talking about his wife or family . If i am honest to myself I will say I still do not want him involved but will have to do the right thing as you guys advised....It will soon be time for a scan, not sure if I should invite him. I do not trust him or I , I think he could sweet talk me and I end up with him. (its complicated).

Pollycat thank you for sorting the thread, I really appreciate it.
Anna1977, thanks for the kind words, I am hanging in there, just have to be strong and ignore my feelings.
klew, I know I should be sensible and take financial help but I'm afraid it might be a way for him to come back in our (baby and me ) life.
Hollydays, naming the child the same name as his other child , sounds convenient for him but I will veto it. I don't even know if I want him on the birth certificate that's something for me to think about.

chelseablue

I would advise to put the fathers name on the birth certificate, 100%. Otherwise what would you put?

On my birth certificate in the fathers section it says 'Unknown' and its affected me my whole life

fibonarchie

Would be interesting to know just how many women have lied about the baby's father's name on the birth certificate. More than we'd like to think, I expect. Doesn't look too good putting 'unknown', either, though it might stop the CSA from chasing him for payments..

Pollycat

Best of luck going forward, Mylife.