Small house & stay at home, or big house & keep working?

RainbowLaura

seashore22 wrote: »

I probably should add that being a stay at home parent is in no way an easy option. It's quite often boring, relentless and lonely. You have to make your own mental stimulation and there's only your husband/wife/partner to give you a pat on the back and a "well done" (when they remember).

In my opinion not earning your own money is only possible if you have a partner who is fully on board with this, sees all money coming in as household income, rather than their own hard earned cash, and who appreciates contributions to the family other than the purely monetary. I've seen too much resentment on both sides when this hasn't been the case.

One thing I would do is to agree who is responsible for what expenditure and for the stay at home parent to have access to a budget which covers that agreed part of the household costs plus some extra to cover an amount that they can spend as they wish. For instance I controlled the budget for food and toiletries etc and had extra to pay for things like hair cuts, the odd luxury and day to day expenses. There is nothing more soul destroying than having to ask for money to spend and having no autonomy in your daily life.

Thank you seashore, that is some very sound advice. I certainly wouldn't choose to do it as an easy option. My mum was lucky enough to be a stay at home parent and I cherish that experience so much; I would just love to be able to offer my own children that too. I think being a stay at home parent is one of the most important and probably difficult jobs in the world! But one I would really love to do. My husband is 100% on board, possibly even more keen than I am

It will be financially tough, but neither of us have costly hobbies or the tendency to "treat ourselves" anyway, we are very frugal people by nature. That has enabled us to save up a lot of money (basically my whole income) in preparation for this point in our lives Still very nervous about it though!!

seashore22

RainbowLaura wrote: »

Thank you seashore, that is some very sound advice. I certainly wouldn't choose to do it as an easy option. My mum was lucky enough to be a stay at home parent and I cherish that experience so much; I would just love to be able to offer my own children that too. I think being a stay at home parent is one of the most important and probably difficult jobs in the world! But one I would really love to do. My husband is 100% on board, possibly even more keen than I am

It will be financially tough, but neither of us have costly hobbies or the tendency to "treat ourselves" anyway, we are very frugal people by nature. That has enabled us to save up a lot of money (basically my whole income) in preparation for this point in our lives Still very nervous about it though!!

Totally agree. I should have added that, despite the down sides I listed, I wouldn't have changed a thing. We had moved to a small town and there was a great community and had frequent meet ups during the day, so I wasn't generally speaking lonely. On days I didn't see anyone but small children I did tend to talk my husband's ear off when he got home though.

My daughter is also a stay at home parent and that has been the right decision too.

While I'm here I might as well make it clear that we did what was right for us. I'm in no way saying that there is a right or wrong decision here.

Rambosmum

I had the same choice, we had baby in small house, then I realised I didn't like being a SAHM so went back to work and bought the bigger house. Couldn't be happier to be honest and now we are preparing for DC2.

Threebabes

I wouldn't go for 1 or 2. I would vote for work part-time, keeps your mind ticking over, some kid free time, time with adults that doesn't revolve around kids.

I left work for 7/8 years and it was hard going back, its amazing how fast things change in a workplace. Working part-time keeps your hand in and brings in a bit extra spending money.

Your house size looks adequate for a couple of kids.

Savvy_Sue

I remember a friend saying we`d obviously outgrown our house and needed to move. Hadn`t crossed my mind until then!

there is no `right` answer. But no answer has to last for ever. I didn`t intend to work, but it quickly became apparent that full-time motherhood would be the death of someone, me or DS1! I didn`t work f/t until the youngest was 7, and went back to p/t after a couple of years.

Fireflyaway

I lived in a small house until my daughter was 9. It meant I was able to work part time and do things together when she was a baby / toddler then take her to and from school every day when she was older.
We all have happy memories of that place.
Kids are young for such a short time, I really believe time with parents is far more valuable than a nice house or car etc. We were pretty broke but very happy.
The UK is very snobby when it comes to houses. If you don't own a place by 30 you are a bit of a loser. Then everyone is checking out your kitchen, the size of your garden, do you have an en suite, what catchment area are you in, what sofa do you have and what make is your dishwasher! Superficial nonsense! Pay no attention.
If you have a loo, a water supply a cooker and a bed, that's all you need ! Love and happiness can be found in any kind of house.

Honeysucklelou2

I work but would love to be able to be at home with my toddler. It's time you never get again and it is so precious. Sometimes we don't realise the value of that time until it has passed. That said, Seashore makes an important point...it does need both parents to appreciate and value the work that the stay at home parents does.

Red-Squirrel_2

Is there any reason why you wouldn!!!8217;t use the attic master bedroom as your actual master bedroom?

RainbowLaura

Thanks again for the responses all, they are giving me lots of food for thought. Particularly loved reading yours Firefly, so very true!

Red-Squirrel, I just think it would be difficult sleeping on a different floor to a baby. If we were here in the very very long term then we would move up there and hypothetical children would get a room each on the middle floor. We'd get rid of the en-suite and knock it through to the smaller bedroom as well, to give two really good sized rooms. (I know not sensible in terms of house value but I've never been fussed about en-suites anyway).

Red-Squirrel_2

RainbowLaura wrote: »

Thanks again for the responses all, they are giving me lots of food for thought. Particularly loved reading yours Firefly, so very true!

Red-Squirrel, I just think it would be difficult sleeping on a different floor to a baby. If we were here in the very very long term then we would move up there and hypothetical children would get a room each on the middle floor. We'd get rid of the en-suite and knock it through to the smaller bedroom as well, to give two really good sized rooms. (I know not sensible in terms of house value but I've never been fussed about en-suites anyway).

Babies sleep in their parents!!!8217; room for at least the first 6 months anyway, you can stretch that out as long as you need to to feel comfortable.

One thing I would suggest if you use the attic as a bedroom is to ask your local fire brigade to come out and do a fire safety check and escape plan with you.

I think your house is plenty big enough to raise 2 kids in, and if I were you i!!!8217;d Work part time and get the best of both worlds. (The kids dad could too, share the load/the joy a bit more evenly!)