Small house & stay at home, or big house & keep working?

Spendless

Is that pic of your small house or your larger one?

kingfisherblue

Well that's a much bigger house than many! I live in a standard three bedroom semi, and the third bedroom is just big enough for a single bed, chest of drawers, and desk. The cupboard over the stairs is the wardrobe.


I've brought up three children in our home. My two boys shared the second bedroom (double size) and my daughter had the third bedroom. In my area, it's a decent size compared to other semis. My daughter now lives a mile away, in a similar house, but slightly smaller.



Personally, I would stay where you are, and work part time if possible. That way, you can be putting away money each month, possibly your full wages. If you choose to have more children, or still want to move to a bigger house in the future, then you will have a decent sized nest egg to use as a deposit and to pay any other fees. Assuming part time work brings in £500 a month, then by the time a baby is five, you could have another £30,000 saved. Of course, house prices may rise, but a lot depends on where in the country you are.

PasturesNew

Your current house isn't small by most people's standards. The plan really helped people to understand.

Looking at that - and considering it is "large enough", I'd suggest that you look at moving to a different style of house, with accommodation arranged differently.....

Using that top floor as a playroom's not really going to be that great a choice if you're down in the kitchen cooking, or outside in the garden ... they could be up to "all sorts of nonsense" up there, out of sight and sound... indeed, if it all goes quiet then you'll forever be running up TWO flights of stairs to check if one's killed the other one... or if they've managed to work out how to hang out of the windows and swing about a bit.

Sticking kids in the attic, two floors above the "living space" .... is not really ideal until they're old enough to not need watching, supervising, monitoring and being aware of what they're up to... so aged about 12+ really... when they're more able to accept it was their fault they fell out of the window and broke their leg trying to climb onto the roof ... and I've seen plenty of my neighbours' kids trying to climb out onto their roof for a variety of reasons in the past (aged 6, climbing UP and it wasn't even his house; aged 13 and climbing OUT onto the roof just because he and his half brother were home alone and 8-10 year old girls were egging him on from ground level).

RainbowLaura

Thanks for the responses, it's really good to get some outside perspective
I know the layout is not ideal, but when we bought it there was nothing much else in the area we could afford (it is a really lovely area that I wouldn't want to leave even if I was offered a free mansion elsewhere!). It's quite rural here with few homes for sale, and even now I don't think we'd find something similar priced but better laid out. It would have to be a proper step up given what's available. I was more thinking of toy storage when I used the term "playroom". It seems like when people struggle for space it's often storage related, which wouldn't really be a problem for us. If there were two children they'd have to sleep in the small bedroom and keep their toys upstairs. I'm a neat freak so I'd love to just bring a few bits down every day and keep the rest tidy up there! Dressing room is currently my husband's office (not that he works from home much at all).

Spendless

Since that's your 'small' house, I'd stay there. I had a 2 bed MTH, with 2 rooms downstairs and what had originally been 2 upstairs, turned into 3 when having a bathroom instead of a downstairs loo became the norm. It was do-able. You might need to re-think toy storage once child is older.

ska_lover

When I first started reading the thread I thought it was going to be one of those boxy starter homes, ie you walk in to the lounge, then the only room is the kitchen - with two poky bedrooms upstairs

Yours seems very generous to me over three floors with luxuries like en suites and dressing rooms

For me, I would pick option 1, but I would do a part time evening job as someone above said - couple of nights a week, to keep some independence - help with bills - get out the house - as long days of finger painting etc can leave you craving the outside world x

seashore22

I would, and indeed did, pick no 1 and I stayed at home until the youngest went to school. I didn't have a "career" as such and wasn't keen on using childcare, so it seemed like the right thing to do for us. That was 30 years ago now though and it does seem that the younger generation are less keen to give up things to make that happen. We weren't poor by any means, but we didn't have a foreign holiday for 12 years and probably went without a few things that might be considered essentials now.

Your current house looks plenty big enough to bring up 2 children. We bought up 2 children in a handful of 3 bed houses and it was fine. We added some extra space and a shower room to our previous home when they were teenagers, but you already have a separate bathroom and ensuite, so you're already ahead of the game.

RainbowLaura

Thanks everyone, this is largely what I wanted to hear! I definitely plan on getting some sort of part time work, as we will need that if we want to go on the occasional holiday etc.

The reason we're giving this such careful consideration is because we'd ideally like two children. Once we've got one, we won't get the mortgage we'd need for a bigger house until I'm back in full time work and no full time childcare is needed. So it's move soon or in ten years time! I can definitely see us here in another ten years, but it's pressure from family and friends making me doubt the decision to stay. I think there must be a bit of snobbery in my peer group as this house seems quite inadequate to them

seashore22

I probably should add that being a stay at home parent is in no way an easy option. It's quite often boring, relentless and lonely. You have to make your own mental stimulation and there's only your husband/wife/partner to give you a pat on the back and a "well done" (when they remember).

In my opinion not earning your own money is only possible if you have a partner who is fully on board with this, sees all money coming in as household income, rather than their own hard earned cash, and who appreciates contributions to the family other than the purely monetary. I've seen too much resentment on both sides when this hasn't been the case.

One thing I would do is to agree who is responsible for what expenditure and for the stay at home parent to have access to a budget which covers that agreed part of the household costs plus some extra to cover an amount that they can spend as they wish. For instance I controlled the budget for food and toiletries etc and had extra to pay for things like hair cuts, the odd luxury and day to day expenses. There is nothing more soul destroying than having to ask for money to spend and having no autonomy in your daily life.

seashore22

RainbowLaura wrote: »

Thanks everyone, this is largely what I wanted to hear! I definitely plan on getting some sort of part time work, as we will need that if we want to go on the occasional holiday etc.

The reason we're giving this such careful consideration is because we'd ideally like two children. Once we've got one, we won't get the mortgage we'd need for a bigger house until I'm back in full time work and no full time childcare is needed. So it's move soon or in ten years time! I can definitely see us here in another ten years, but it's pressure from family and friends making me doubt the decision to stay. I think there must be a bit of snobbery in my peer group as this house seems quite inadequate to them

Please don't listen to what others think. Everyone has an opinion, but it's not their life, it's yours.

We moved to a new part of the country where a friend lived and said friend was pretty horrified by our choice of housing estate, but we bought there anyway. With a first baby on the way and going down to one wage we thought it prudent not to overstretch ourselves, which was totally the right decision. It wasn't a terrible estate by any means and we were very happy there for a few years. I've never cared much what others think of us or our choice of car or where we live.