Is my partner crazy...or am I?

buggy_boy

Just a question but surely the flat is a benefit in kind, is it taxed as such? if not it probably should be as if you take the money instead then it would be taxed.

You could actually argue your salary is reduced by £4000, what are the rents for the area? could you not move in to one of the two flats for a bit while you save up and make sure your going to stick it out?

Silvertabby

LowKeyIceTea wrote: »

Genuinely no idea what to do about the cats. Maybe one of those outside cat home things?

Absolutely not. They are beloved pets, not something you can just shove into a shed. With that attitude, you are clearly incompatible, so best end this relationship now before you both get hurt.

P.S. When we got married over 25 years ago neither of us had pets - but Mr S was adamant that he was a dog man, not a cat man. As we were both in the RAF at the time we decided that it would be unfair to get a dog as we couldn't leave it alone all day - so I talked him into getting a couple of kittens. Within a matter of days they had him wrapped round their little paws and he thought the sun shone out of their furry little bottoms. We never did get a dog - but we've always had at least one cat.

robatwork

LowKeyIceTea wrote: »

Genuinely no idea what to do about the cats. Maybe one of those outside cat home things?

I'm no mad cat person who treats their pets better than some people treat their kids. But....maybe your girlfriend should consider one of those outside partner home things?

If that is the best compromise you can come up with then you really aren't compatible - it's like one of you wanting kids 100% and one of you not 100%. You can never get over that kind of problem.

Time for a grown up discussion with her.

shortcrust

Sounds like you’re on different pages, if not chapters. My advice is more talk about where you are in your relationship and less talk about the financial calculations

Red-Squirrel_2

LowKeyIceTea wrote: »

I forgot to mention - she has two cats at her own place. I'm an absolute clean freak and don't really want any pets at mine - that's why she hasn't given up her flat!

Hopefully she hasn’t just been leaving the cats shut in at her flat for days on end while she stays at yours?

Life lesson, if you love someone and the6 already have dogs, cats or children, you need to accept them as a package or not at all.

Mardle

I'd suggest you stay at her flat and see if you can live with the cats before committing to buy a property together.

LowKeyIceTea

Red-Squirrel wrote: »

Hopefully she hasn’t just been leaving the cats shut in at her flat for days on end while she stays at yours?

Life lesson, if you love someone and the6 already have dogs, cats or children, you need to accept them as a package or not at all.

No she goes back everyday for them to feed/water/change litter trays. Plus we pay for a cat sitter to come in daily to look after them (Family friend).

getmore4less

LowKeyIceTea wrote: »

Genuinely no idea what to do about the cats. Maybe one of those outside cat home things?

Even if she agrees they will be back in the house within a month.

it will start with something like just for an hour they want to play....

Come the winter it will be too cold outside and that's it.

If you don't want pets make that clear now.

No she goes back everyday for them to feed/water/change litter trays. Plus we pay for a cat sitter to come in daily to look after them (Family friend)

That will stop as soon as you buy somewhere that is not yours exclusively they will be moving in with you

Why the "we pay" her cats her problem

bowlhead99

LowKeyIceTea wrote: »

Genuinely no idea what to do about the cats. Maybe one of those outside cat home things?

Hmm...



"also, she wants kids and I don't. Don't really know what to do about that. Maybe we could get a childminder."

Red-Squirrel_2

LowKeyIceTea wrote: »

No she goes back everyday for them to feed/water/change litter trays. Plus we pay for a cat sitter to come in daily to look after them (Family friend).

So they are just shut in all the time with minimal contact/time spent with their owner. That!!!8217;s not great, it!!!8217;s fine for the short term like a holiday but it can!!!8217;t carry on and become the norm for them.

You need to tell her it!!!8217;s ok for her to bring them to yours, or go to hers more and get over yourself. Shame she is willing to sacrifice her animals!!!8217;!!!8217; wellbeing for the sake of your fussiness, doesn!!!8217;t say great things about her either tbh.