Is this victimisation or discrimination?

lytton

Aaaaaaand this is why ‘banter’ should be confined to solid cliques whom you know will be in agreement with you nearly all of the time. The thing about having top bants at work is that it’s inherently risky from the outset. I’m tempted to say that as a ‘high earner’ you should have been experienced and cautious enough to know the risks involved. That being said there’s no secret that there’s likely thousands of high earners the world over who indulge in sleazy and unprofessional behaviour on a daily basis. There’s a misconception that bants is for blokes in white vans and builders but in truth you’ll find it everywhere, including in your former workplace, whatever form that took. Next time a colleague shows interest in you it doesn’t have to be flat out rejection in the interest of professional conduct, people should always be able to meet others even through work; my wife and I first met at the same workplace for example. The thing is it’s much safer to start things conventionally by going for a bite to eat rather than going straight into the exchange of lurid and suggestive messages, that way you get the opportunity to find out a bit more about the person you’re interested in, such as whether they’re already in a relationship etc. Not everyone does it that way, you can of course ignore the advice here entirely but clearly the ‘be more careful next time’ mantra echoing around here seems fair enough. If you’re as successful and high earning as you’re alleging then you can use your initiative to get back on your feet again yes? Bounce back, Alan Partridge style.

Ladyluck1982

Thanks everyone - even though it’s not nice to hear, and I’m still very aggrieved by what’s happened. I guess there’s really nothing I can do now but get on and find a new job

Ladyluck1982

Neither of us is married but he’s in a relationship, or at least he was.

Pensioned_Off

Ladyluck1982 wrote: »

It doesn’t feel very fair that I’m the one that’s been punished, when we both had acted inappropriately.

Just finding another job at my level isn’t that easy - I’m a senior employee and a high earner. I’m not going to just walk straight into another role.

You acted inappropriately, you have been fired - the correct result.

You say your colleague acted inappropriately too - BUT his employment 'rights' are more protected because he has been employed more than two years. I'm surprised that, as a senior manager, you can't see this distinction.

Given the need for confidentiality, you have no way of knowing if he has been 'punished' for his actions. He could have lost a pay rise, bonus or received a warning etc. Why would you or any of your colleagues be told about that?

Ladyluck1982 wrote: »

We don’t have any disciplinary processes that form part of the contract. We don’t really have anything, no policies or processes.

You've been with the company a year. You were a senior manager. The absence of policies is just as much your responsibility as anyone else's.

I do find it hard to believe that a relatively large company (which it must be to employ so many senior managers - you did say everyone at the event was of the same grade as you) has no staff handbook or similar outlining processes and expectations.

Bottom line? You can appeal the decision but your only grounds would be what? 'Please reconsider. I was bad but he was bad too'?

You joined in with the innuendo - you were part of the whole sorry mess. Your only hope is that your reference doesn't show the full nature of the reason you left. No one really wants to hire a sex pest.





(I also think this bears an uncanny resemblance to the story told a few weeks ago. Particularly about the jealous partner. Of course, coincidences do happen.)

Red-Squirrel_2

Les79 wrote: »

Sounds like you played the guy like a fool to be honest.

There is an old adage "don't !!!! on your own doorstep", but I don't 100% subscribe to that tbh. If two reasonable, consenting adults on similar grades want to get together in work then go for it! Just have to be professional about it.

In your case, you have basically led the guy on by flirting heavily and then not reciprocating when he made a move. His intentions were very clear (get with you), whereas yours were not (incongruence as you hinted at it but didn't follow through). No doubt in my mind that he was upset about how this all panned out!

I think it would have been (just about) unfair had the guy been sacked, as we are all human and if a woman flirts heavily with him then it is fair game to ask them out.

I think that is is FAIR that you were treated differently, as you effectively manipulated the guy to some extent. You weren't honest in your flirting intentions as you had no desire to follow through when it naturally progressed.

In this instance, I can think of at least one "joke" to make about you right now and it involves guys in senior positions and flirting and your career progression. And I'm just a random third party. That is how you've projected yourself to others, and I'm not in the least bit surprised how this has all panned out!

Consider it a life lesson, be a bit more respectful to yourself and others.

Does your user name have 79 in it because that’s the year you still live in?