Is this victimisation or discrimination?

Ladyluck1982

I’m in the middle of a nightmare right now and I’m hoping that someone can help me.

It involves me and a man in work. We had both flirted (a lot!), he made a move, I didn’t reciprocate. A lot of risqu! comments were made and I had become the topic of conversation and the “punch line”. I made it clear to my team that I don’t mind banter but I wasn’t comfortabke being the punch line of it all.

I’m assuming he then panicked, worried I would complain to HR and he actually made a complaint himself, saying I had been sending him messages that he felt weren’t suitable (they didn’t go into detail about these messages and their contents).

Ive now been sacked over this. There was no investigation or anything. He spoke to HR, refused to have any contact with me moving forward And then, my employment was terminated. He has been with the company for 3 years, I’ve only been there for 1 year. Because I don’t have 2 years service, the company have stated that they don’t need to follow procedure, but they have put it in writing that I’ve been terminationed over this issue.

Is this victimisation? Discrimination? I’m still in shock and really don’t know what to do. I’ve barely slept all weekend.

xapprenticex

Its what happens when you get into those situations in the work place


He beat you to it as far as running to HR.



There is nothing you can do imo, just find another job and dont flirt and whatever else you did with your colleagues.

Ladyluck1982

It doesn’t feel very fair that I’m the one that’s been punished, when we both had acted inappropriately.

Just finding another job at my level isn’t that easy - I’m a senior employee and a high earner. I’m not going to just walk straight into another role.

xapprenticex

This happens a lot, the saying "dont dip your pen in company ink" is very true.

You usually get a chance to appeal, by all means do that and give your side but they have not broken the law or anything. I do agree you both should be held responsible though, its always a case of one getting away with it and the other getting punished.

pmlindyloo

Ladyluck1982 wrote: »

I!!!8217;m in the middle of a nightmare right now and I!!!8217;m hoping that someone can help me.

It involves me and a man in work. We had both flirted (a lot!), he made a move, I didn!!!8217;t reciprocate. A lot of risqu! comments were made and I had become the topic of conversation and the !!!8220;punch line!!!8221;. I made it clear to my team that I don!!!8217;t mind banter but I wasn!!!8217;t comfortabke being the punch line of it all.

I!!!8217;m assuming he then panicked, worried I would complain to HR and he actually made a complaint himself, saying I had been sending him messages that he felt weren!!!8217;t suitable (they didn!!!8217;t go into detail about these messages and their contents).

Ive now been sacked over this. There was no investigation or anything. He spoke to HR, refused to have any contact with me moving forward And then, my employment was terminated. He has been with the company for 3 years, I!!!8217;ve only been there for 1 year. Because I don!!!8217;t have 2 years service, the company have stated that they don!!!8217;t need to follow procedure, but they have put it in writing that I!!!8217;ve been terminationed over this issue.

Is this victimisation? Discrimination? I!!!8217;m still in shock and really don!!!8217;t know what to do. I!!!8217;ve barely slept all weekend.

Since you have not been working for your employer for two years then you do not have much recourse. From what you have said this does not seem to be a discrimination issue so would not be an automatically unfair dismissal.

What did your contract/employment handbook say about your employer's disciplinary procedures?

If they have not followed their own disciplinary procedures as out lined in your contract then potentially they may have broken their contract with you.

However, what is it that you want to achieve? This is always the most important question to ask yourself.

You admit that you flirted with your colleague and things got 'out of hand'. The employer has decided that their relationship with you has broken down and they can no longer employ you. Perfectly fair and reasonable. I am sure you would not want to return to this job.

Probably you are feeling cheesed off that this man has 'got away with his behaviour' whist you are out of a job. Perfectly understandable but, to be blunt, from an employer's perspective, nothing to do with you.

So, it is best to try and get the best outcome for yourself and move forward by getting another job.

So check that you have received the correct pay/holiday and, if you want a reference try to mitigate with your employer.

So, write and say that you are sorry that things have turned out the way they have, you are disappointed that you were unable to put your side of the story at a meeting,(as outlined in your contract), you have enjoyed working for them and hope they would base their reference on your previous good work record to allow you to find future employment - that kind of thing/whatever is appropriate.

These things happen so don't beat yourself up about it. Lesson learned and all that.

Ladyluck1982

But how can it be acceptable for them to fire me for the !!!8220;issue!!!8221; yet not take any action against him at all?

Ladyluck1982

In relation to what I want to achieve, I either want some kind of compensation for losing my job with what I feel is unfair cause.

I would consider taking my job back.

I have been advised by my employer not to bother appealing as the decision they will reach will be the same one.

elsien

Were you and he both on the same level of job? That can affect how the two sides are perceived.

However in answer to your question about what is fair, lawful and fair are not the same thing. A decision can be very unfair but still meet the legal criteria. They do not have to treat you both the same, they are weighing up the relevant factors in reaching any decision and these are different for the both of you. Length of service being one. If they think that having both of you there will be too disruptive you are the obvious person to go because that's easiest for them.

ohreally

Ladyluck1982 wrote: »

Just finding another job at my level isn’t that easy - I’m a senior employee and a high earner.

Yet you failed to see this coming.

Ladyluck1982 wrote: »

But how can it be acceptable for them to fire me for the !!!8220;issue!!!8221; yet not take any action against him at all?

You've been stitched up like a kipper.

In future you go to work to err work. Never mind banter and flirting it rarely ends well and is not what work is about.

nicechap

Ladyluck1982 wrote: »

I!!!8217;m in the middle of a nightmare right now and I!!!8217;m hoping that someone can help me.

It involves me and a man in work. We had both flirted (a lot!), he made a move, I didn!!!8217;t reciprocate. A lot of risqu! comments were made and I had become the topic of conversation and the !!!8220;punch line!!!8221;. I made it clear to my team that I don!!!8217;t mind banter but I wasn!!!8217;t comfortabke being the punch line of it all.

I!!!8217;m assuming he then panicked, worried I would complain to HR and he actually made a complaint himself, saying I had been sending him messages that he felt weren!!!8217;t suitable (they didn!!!8217;t go into detail about these messages and their contents).

Ive now been sacked over this. There was no investigation or anything. He spoke to HR, refused to have any contact with me moving forward And then, my employment was terminated. He has been with the company for 3 years, I!!!8217;ve only been there for 1 year. Because I don!!!8217;t have 2 years service, the company have stated that they don!!!8217;t need to follow procedure, but they have put it in writing that I!!!8217;ve been terminationed over this issue.

Is this victimisation? Discrimination? I!!!8217;m still in shock and really don!!!8217;t know what to do. I!!!8217;ve barely slept all weekend.

Ladyluck1982 wrote: »

It doesn!!!8217;t feel very fair that I!!!8217;m the one that!!!8217;s been punished, when we both had acted inappropriately.

Just finding another job at my level isn!!!8217;t that easy - I!!!8217;m a senior employee and a high earner. I!!!8217;m not going to just walk straight into another role.

Ladyluck1982 wrote: »

But how can it be acceptable for them to fire me for the !!!8220;issue!!!8221; yet not take any action against him at all?

Ladyluck1982 wrote: »

In relation to what I want to achieve, I either want some kind of compensation for losing my job with what I feel is unfair cause.

I would consider taking my job back.

I have been advised by my employer not to bother appealing as the decision they will reach will be the same one.

B-


As others have said, its not victimisation or discrimination. Reverse the roles where a new male employee is sexting a female employee who reports the sexting to management. Management decide to get rid of the male. So, in my view you've been treated fairly which, as a "senior employee" and "high earner" you will know.


You seem to have made some major assumptions, especially about him panicking. Can he not just have decided that you were acting inappropriately? You claim there was no investigation - if there was none, why have you been sacked?


You seem bitter they have not taken action against the other party. How would you know that? Maybe he's been given a warning, or had to go on a HR course about inappropriate behaviours. How he's being dealt with is not your concern.


Whether you appeal is entirely up to you as only you know the content of the sexting. Maybe you could use some of that "high earner" money you have saved in paying for a lawyer to draft your appeal to see if that scares them as you do not appear to have mentioned being in a union who might have been able to help.

sangie595

Ladyluck1982 wrote: »

I’m in the middle of a nightmare right now and I’m hoping that someone can help me.

It involves me and a man in work. We had both flirted (a lot!), he made a move, I didn’t reciprocate. A lot of risqu! comments were made and I had become the topic of conversation and the “punch line”. I made it clear to my team that I don’t mind banter but I wasn’t comfortabke being the punch line of it all.

I’m assuming he then panicked, worried I would complain to HR and he actually made a complaint himself, saying I had been sending him messages that he felt weren’t suitable (they didn’t go into detail about these messages and their contents).

Ive now been sacked over this. There was no investigation or anything. He spoke to HR, refused to have any contact with me moving forward And then, my employment was terminated. He has been with the company for 3 years, I’ve only been there for 1 year. Because I don’t have 2 years service, the company have stated that they don’t need to follow procedure, but they have put it in writing that I’ve been terminationed over this issue.

Is this victimisation? Discrimination? I’m still in shock and really don’t know what to do. I’ve barely slept all weekend.

Ladyluck1982 wrote: »

It doesn’t feel very fair that I’m the one that’s been punished, when we both had acted inappropriately.

Just finding another job at my level isn’t that easy - I’m a senior employee and a high earner. I’m not going to just walk straight into another role.

If you are genuinely a senior employee, which I somehow doubt given your behaviour, then you should know that "flirting" and "banter" in the workplace is never appropriate, and that you brought this on yourself. You don't get to indulge yourself in flirtatious behaviour one day and then draw a line the next. You should be setting an example and acting professionally in the workplace. On the contrary, you set an appalling example to your entire team, telling them that inappropriate behaviour in the workplace is quite ok provided you get not to be the "punch line" - whatever that means.

It is not discrimination, and nor is it victimisation. It's tough luck. They have grounds and the capability to dismiss you on the spot. So they did. But the only thing that two years would have gained you would have been a disciplinary process- even based on your side of the story, they could easily have had grounds to fairly dismiss. As a senior member of staff you are supposed to set a professional standard for employees, and you didn't. And it is clear that whatever the situation, you sent inappropriate messages to another employee. Just because he wasn't disciplined, or get the same outcome, is not a reason to assume discrimination - after there years of what might have been exemplary behaviour it could easily be deemed that you are the instigator of the inappropriate behaviour even if he was also involved. Different people, different circumstances, different roles - different outcomes can easily be explained as fair.

I'd worry less about hopeless cases and more about what your reference is going to say. Even if they don't mention why you were dismissed, they are very likely going to say you were dismissed, and if asked about your management capabilities I doubt they will be saying anything positive. So you either need to get a lot of agency work under your belt, if that is an option, so that you have a new reference, or you need to start coming up with an explanation about what your have learned from this error on your part to explain your dismissal to potential employers.

Just one last note- don't forget that lying to an employer had no statute of limitations. If you obtain a job by lying about this (which is not the same thing as omitting to mention it unless directly asked) then you can be dismissed for that, even years later if they found out.