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Marage breakup due to financial infidelity

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Not sure where else to ask any help welcome. I have been house husband for a number of years after redundancy, my wife was working but due to illness and disability wanted to stop however she didn't do it correctly and the council refused to pay housing benefit (they say she made herself unemployed) she kept it secret from me I only found out when we were taken to court for eviction, its an assured tenancy with a housing association it was suspended providing we pay it off. however since then I have discovered she has committed I'd theft and fraud in my name on credit cards and store cards this combined with arguments over my step daughters behaviour (we have another child together) have led to us separating. She wants me to leave and has already packed my stuff and removed all traces of me from the house,
I havent reported the Id theft as I don't want to antagonise the situation esp as we're still under the same roof and i know she can't force me out without a court order ( I've never been agressive or violent just angry)
I feel I'm going to be the one to loose out it's a mess and I don't know where to turn, any help or advice is appreciated thx :mad:
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Comments

  • ska_lover
    ska_lover Posts: 3,773 Forumite
    1,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    First off, do you still love your wife? What i mean is..

    Yes she has done very very wrong, but do you really feel this is the end of the line for you/her?

    Just trying to be clear so we know what we are dealing with, as such - and it is not a domestic that can be sorted, rather a guy that is about to be homeless potentially
    The opposite of what you know...is also true
  • Danb79
    Danb79 Posts: 10 Forumite
    I don't want it to be the end but she is refusing to even discuss saving our marriage all she says is she has to think of herself and her girls. I'm still in the home as she would have to goto court to force me out but I'm walking on eggshells esp as my daughter's are not really talkng to me
  • Danb79
    Danb79 Posts: 10 Forumite
    I hate to say it but it feels like she is playing the im the mum card, she has the attitude that she will get the kids and house, I want to fight for but I'm not sure I can do it I don't want my kids to hate me anymore than they do right now. And I know I can't get any help as long as I'm on the tenancy but if I take my name off it would cancel the whole agreement and then our landlord may not give the tenancy to my wife because of the debts and suspended eviction making my children and her homeless
  • elsien
    elsien Posts: 35,966 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    Danb79 wrote: »
    And I know I can't get any help as long as I'm on the tenancy but if I take my name off it would cancel the whole agreement and then our landlord may not give the tenancy to my wife because of the debts and suspended eviction making my children and her homeless

    Would that not be the starting point then? Checking with the HA where you both stand with regards to either of your names coming off the tenancy.
    How old are the children? Why are they not talking to you if you've been the main carer for the past few years?
    You're going to struggle to get a private rental if your credit is shot due to the loans. Reporting her may be the only way to get them removed from your name although it would still leave the tenancy arrears showing.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
  • Danb79
    Danb79 Posts: 10 Forumite
    She's blaming me for it to the children they don't know and probably wouldn't understand what she's done, I've been miserable and short tempered since this all came out, I fear reporting the I'd theft and fraud may get her a prison sentence and fear the girls would really hate me for it
  • elsien
    elsien Posts: 35,966 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    edited 27 May 2018 at 5:53PM
    There's another thread where someone's relative has pretended to be them to get credit. Have a search, because there was a post on there which addressed the type of sentence that someone may get.

    Edit -here you go.
    https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5847995/identity-theft-by-mother&highlight=niece+credit+fraud
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,571 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Danb79 wrote: »
    I have been house husband for a number of years
    Danb79 wrote: »
    I hate to say it but it feels like she is playing the im the mum card, she has the attitude that she will get the kids and house

    Don't move out!

    You have been the main carer for the children - you are the one they should stay with now.

    Get help and support from one of the father's support websites -
    http://www.separateddads.co.uk/
    https://fnf.org.uk/
  • pinkshoes
    pinkshoes Posts: 20,533 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    Danb79 wrote: »
    She's blaming me for it to the children they don't know and probably wouldn't understand what she's done, I've been miserable and short tempered since this all came out, I fear reporting the I'd theft and fraud may get her a prison sentence and fear the girls would really hate me for it

    Then clearly you have the upper hand...

    Tell her that she has 48 hours to move out otherwise you will call the police and report the credit card fraud.

    By the sounds of it, the girls are going to hate you for now no matter what.
    Should've = Should HAVE (not 'of')
    Would've = Would HAVE (not 'of')

    No, I am not perfect, but yes I do judge people on their use of basic English language. If you didn't know the above, then learn it! (If English is your second language, then you are forgiven!)
  • Danb79
    Danb79 Posts: 10 Forumite
    Thanks for the links. I know I have leverage but I have to think of the future too as if I did goto the police it would make future access and just working together difficult.
  • hollydays
    hollydays Posts: 19,812 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    edited 27 May 2018 at 10:41PM
    This is a form of abuse. She's put debt in your name.
    You talk about walking on eggshells op.
    https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/help-for-men-who-are-being-abused.htm

    Talk to shelter too.
    You DO need support and it is out there( and here)
    https://www.shelter.org.uk
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