Does anyone here have depression or know someone with it?

melanzana

We never see ourselves as others see us.

I often wonder if depressed people exhibit abnormal and often cruel behaviour towards their loved ones because they do not realise what they are doing and see themselves and their behaviours as normal during their illness.

The toll on a partner/spouse/family member of dealing with a depressed person can be enormous. I can say with experience that taking yourself out of the situation for a period can work sometimes. Decompression time.

The person looking on often suffers a lot more than the depressed person. That is not the depressed person's fault, but it can be very difficult to deal with on a personal level. Many people have ended up very ill themselves living in that kind of toxic environment.

I don't know what the solution is, but it can be very difficult to live with no matter how much we love them. Sometimes you have to put yourself first.

ska_lover

BrassicWoman wrote: »

I'm not sure overcome is the right word. That implies a cure.


Learn to co-exist with, I think....

ahh yes, so true

atolaas

Depression has cost me many relationships with former partners and indeed some friends and in one case a family member. It causes me to shut down and hide away. Opening up to others is a painful process that I attempt to avoid at all costs. I'm on medication to help me get through the day, but there are times when I take to my bed and just want to be left alone. I'm still working on co-existing with it as there are times when it takes over and won't let me get on with everyday tasks.

Nagme

Depression can make you disappear into yourself, it's like you can't deal with people, they exhaust you, even close family. A social day can leave you exhausted the next day. The voices in your head make you crave silence.

You still love your partner, so whilst he is holding you at arms length, researching depression will allow you to understand what he is going through. This will help you, but also him. There are many books that should help.

Antidepressants don't always make the significant improvement to get you back to "normal". It could mean a change of medication is needed, or an increased dosage. However the very act of making a Drs appointment will be a big step and could take weeks to acheive.

Depression sufferers benefit from empathy. Any sufferer, past or present should know this.

Hugs to all that need one x

motorguy

BrassicWoman wrote: »

I'm not sure overcome is the right word. That implies a cure.

Learn to co-exist with, I think....

Yes. I dont believe it ever really goes away. Goes in to remission perhaps, which is how i feel it is for me now.

Likewise, as hard as it is, with a combination of self help, help and medication it is possible to start to control the illness rather than let it control you. I think people get swamped by it and let it run their lives for them. You have to find the inner strength somehow to start fighting it.

One of the biggest things i had to change was how i made decisions. With depression you cant make an emotional decision, you have to change to logical decisions. For example, i used to buy cars i really liked or got excited about. Depression took those emotions away, so instead i had to think "well its got the space i need, the economy i need and the price is correct therefore i should buy this car".

motorguy

Nagme wrote: »

Depression can make you disappear into yourself, it's like you can't deal with people, they exhaust you, even close family. A social day can leave you exhausted the next day. The voices in your head make you crave silence.

You still love your partner, so whilst he is holding you at arms length, researching depression will allow you to understand what he is going through. This will help you, but also him. There are many books that should help.

Antidepressants don't always make the significant improvement to get you back to "normal". It could mean a change of medication is needed, or an increased dosage. However the very act of making a Drs appointment will be a big step and could take weeks to acheive.

Depression sufferers benefit from empathy. Any sufferer, past or present should know this.

Hugs to all that need one x

They do however

(a) i still think theres a fair chance the O/Ps partner has dumped them and is using the fact they are depressed as the reason. I'm not convinced hes simply keeping her at arms length because of the illness.

(b) The illness wants to pull you down and make you feel worthless and take away your self esteem and make you close yourself off. Empathising with that doesnt necessarily help, it just condones it.

Pdbaggett

Depressed or.not he's still an adult and aware of his actions or at least the implications of them. Ask his what he hopes to achieve long term or what he actually wants from you.

Sometimes you need to look after your self and moving out of your house on his whim isn't exactly good for your own health, mental or otherwise.

geminilady

motorguy wrote: »

They do however

(a) i still think theres a fair chance the O/Ps partner has dumped them and is using the fact they are depressed as the reason. I'm not convinced hes simply keeping her at arms length because of the illness.

(b) The illness wants to pull you down and make you feel worthless and take away your self esteem and make you close yourself off. Empathising with that doesnt necessarily help, it just condones it.

Not sure why you think the 0/P's partner has dumped her,if he had why not just tell her
Empathising is not condoning,it means you understand because you have been there.
I think the poster you replied to gave good advise