A tiny bit worried...

Iamadored

I suffer with depression and negative thinking too. Try googling Abraham Hicks YouTube videos. They are free, and have helped me learn to soothe myself, without resorting to overeating, overspending etc.

I totally get you when you say that overspending distracts you from your fears and negative thoughts. With me it is food, with others it is alcohol, or drugs, or smoking. All self-destructive coping mechanisms.

I have read a lot of self help books over many years, and Abraham Hicks resonates with me more than any of them.

Basically, the teaching is that your glass will always be half full and half empty, the trick is to focus on the full half more than the empty half.

Dwell on the things that are going well in your life, rather than the things that are going badly. There will always be both.

Keep mentally searching for thoughts that soothe you and give you some relief. Your goal is to soothe and uplift yourself just a little bit, by means of thoughts and focus.

ViolaLass

Posters, could we please have some sympathy for a poster who clearly has mental health issues (admitted earlier in the thread).

System

Thank you ViolaLass.

iammumtoone

Your Mum is only asking for £20 a week, with an income of £1000 that is not very much at all.

It doesn't sound like she is asking as she needs the money, what she is doing is teaching you that you need to start to budget for housing costs to prepare you for one day when you move out.

I very much doubt she will throw you out if you can't pay.

Iamadored

Op,
May I suggest that, whenever you start a new thread, you begin it with a few autobiographical sentences?

People are likely to be kinder and more helpful if they know where you're coming from.

I don't know your personal details, but something like this:

I am an autistic 23 year old male. I live with my parents and 17 year old sister. I work 40 hours a week in Burger King, and take home about £1k a month.

Iamadored

Worrying that your mum might kick you out, and that you end up homeless on the streets, is what psychologists call catastrophic thinking.

I am very familiar with it, as I have a strong tendency to do the same.

The secret is to focus, as much as you can, on thoughts that soothe you and make you feel a little better. Focus on the good parts of your life; things you are proud of; things that have gone well.

Your goal is to feel good, but via thoughts and focus, not behaviours (over-spending, gambling, over-eating, smoking, drinking etc.).

The more you do it, the easier it becomes, but it will always take a little conscious and consistent effort, especially for people like us, who habitually focus on the negative.

need_an_answer

Oh my I read the first post and thought what a lovely person paying £20 to their mother to help cover her rent as presumably she may be facing difficulty paying,then I realise that this is a young person with their life ahead of them wondering how they are going to afford to live.


How many others are reading this thread and just wishing that their monthly outgoing for board and lodging and no doubt food was £80 or thereabouts?

OP I haven't read the whole thread I apologise for my tardiness in not doing so but start some savings in line with your earnings and as you progress you will hopefully not need to be so worried about your current situation expiring.
There will be a time when you will leave home but until then do you have a good relationship with your parent or do you genuinely believe you will be thrown out...that's quite an undertaking by any parent!

You could always give mum more money and ask her to put it in an account for you to use if needs be in a few years if you feel that having a disposable income just encourages you to spend more.

anna_1977

OP - you are clearly concerned about spending to take your mind off other things.

have you thought about possibly giving your mum your bank card and her giving you an allowance from your wages each week/month. it might be worth thinking about, even if only for 6 months or something to get you used to budgeting.

Set up a standing order for the £20 per week rent - IF anything happens to you workwise I am sure you mum will not expect you to pay.

When does your mobile phone contract come up for renewal and how much is that a month.

Good luck

[Deleted User]

I do know its easier said than done.., but as has already been said on here, you can control your thinking and try and think positively rather than catastrophically. Can you concentrate on one issue and write a reassuring script and repeat it each morning, and when worried? Have a brief risk assessment to see if the catastrophe is like to happen (like, can I make sure I pay £20 a week to my mum before anything else. But I need to have a chat with her to see if my fears are true).

Remember your mum loves you, please. She might get cross at something but that doesn't mean she's going to throw you out. I think you will find young people this happens to usually have very chaotic families/lifestyles, and other issues going on as well. I doubt you are experiencing this kind of thing, certainly hope not.

£20 a week actually won't even cover your food, its a nominal amount. Be proud and make it a priority payment - a guaranteed payment. Find other ways of relieving anxiety. There are forums that are for people with anxiety.

Pixie5740

I know this isn't what you asked OP but is there any chance you could live independently from your mother, you know....move out. I get that you're worried about paying £20 a month in board which is cheap as chips but you might be entitled to some some housing benefit or universal credit. You can check using the link below.

https://www.turn2us.org.uk

Yes, moving out and managing a household on your own is a big step but you don't seem to like living at home and going by your previous threads your mum doesn't seem to act in your best interests.

To give some background....

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5759526/my-family-the-control-freaks

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5707738/brother-problems