A diary about debt, dilemmas and a dog

AnnieG

Thank you both. I have to create a presentation this afternoon for my interview on Friday, but if I get it done in time I'll go to Bootcamp this evening.
Just took the dog for a long, muddy walk in the woods, I could do with a small snooze but I'll make a start on the presentation first.
I've invited friends round for drinks and nibbles on Saturday evening but really don't feel up to hosting at the moment so am considering cancelling. I'll give it some thought. It means scrubbing the house from top to bottom and although my house is small, that's another thing I need to find the time for.

I am also resigned to the fact that I'm going to accrue more debt before I can start paying it off properly. I'm borrowing my mum's car at the moment but she will need it back soon and I'll have to buy one which is going to have to be on credit. There's probably other stuff I'm going to need to shell out for - I could really do with a new interview suit as the outfit I've been wearing for interviews is getting a bit tired now. I do have a Next Directory account that I paid off some time ago so could use that in the short term just to fund a suit and repay it when I start earning, but I feel like that's a slippery slope.

First things first, I'm going to get started on this presentation.

beanielou

If you are considering going back to Viatnam is there any real point in buying a car until you know where you are at?
Good vibes for the presentation writing.

AnnieG

Thanks BeanieLou, you're right, it would be silly to buy a car while I've got applications overseas pending. If I'm being honest I don't think anything will come of them, I think I've probably blown my chance of the expat life which is galling.

Not going to bootcamp as I have a banging headache and have faffed around so am only half way through this presentation. It has to be with the hiring manager by midday tomorrow so I'll definitely go tomorrow night.

NSD here, I fancied some mince pies but have talked myself out of going to the shop and can make some fairy cakes or something if I really need to eat treats (I don't, I need to do the opposite and lose weight). Or I can have an Options hot chocolate which is a much better idea!

117pauline

Hi AnnieG

When does the M & S job start?

It sounds like everything is overwhelming and that you feel you have lost control.

Take a deep breath.

Are you friends coming to see you or the state of your house? If you are at home for the rest of the week apart from the interview, how about doing just 15 minutes per hour of housework and challenge yourself to see how much you can achieve. Take my advice, don't cut friends out because there might be a time when they aren't there.

I have a firm belief that we, as a society, have too much choice. It makes us unsettled and uncertain. There is so much potential available to us that we struggle to make a choice, any choice at all in fact. Personally, i get frustrated, then angry with myself because I don't know what I want or need. It all goes round and round in a circle, disappearing down a huge vortex!

So I don't what the answer is but I can appreciate the anxiety brings. Please do not feel you are the only one.

Good luck with the interview
Pauline

elsien

Do you by any chance have elements of Seasonal Affective Disorder?

I think maybe you've had a big life change and aren't sure if it's right for you, along with Christmas being difficult, winter and dark nights being urgh, and a pre-disposition towards depression anyway. It's not surprising it's knocked you a bit.
Think what strategies have worked in the past and try to cut yourself a bit of slack. And good luck with the interview.

AnnieG

Yes I think it has all got a bit overwhelming. I'll go ahead with my little party on Saturday, I've asked everyone to bring a bottle and something for the nibbles table so I don't end up spending a fortune. I did this when I had a housewarming a couple of years ago - everyone turned up with a bottle of prosecco and a tub of hummus, it was quite funny.

I think I've just about finished my presentation - i'll go over it again in the morning before I send it. It's not brilliant but I hope it'll do. It's not really my strong point, but as a recruiter I've never not appointed someone on the basis of a weak presentation so I'll try not to lose any sleep over it.

Pauline I start in M&S on Sunday, my contract is for 16 hours and there's the expectation that I do at least 50% extra as overtime. I don't know what that will look like in the end, I just hope getting to my interview on Tuesday isn't a problem.

I may well suffer with SAD, but I think it's probably the combination of all the change and uncertainty in my life at the moment along with some regret about what happened with the Vietnam job and everything together is making me feel very down.

I'm going to bed now, hopefully I'll feel a bit better in the morning, I'm meeting a friend for lunch tomorrow and looking forward to a gossip.

Thank you for your supportive words, they really do help.

AnnieG

I'm feeling a bit better today, I got to Bootcamp last night and have had a job interview this morning. I think it went well. The job is a bit more junior than what I've been doing so I don't know if that will count against me, they might be co Verne's that I won't stay for the whole contract. Time will tell, and I have another on Tuesday so it's not the only job in the frame.

Off to get a haircut this afternoon, I haven't had it done since July and I'm feeling scruffy. It's a bit of a splurge but I've got the money and there's a haircut line on my budget going forward so I'll have the cash ready for the next time it needs doing too. Then I'm planning to do some baking ready for my party tomorrow evening.

117pauline

Glad to hear you are feeling better. Particularly around this time of year, I think emotions are high, either very good or the depths of despair.

And I think you not cancelling the party is a real sign of strength.

I am presently considering the offer of a trip out tomorrow to a local market. My friend suggested it yesterday and I can't decide if I can manage it. I want to say no, keep in my safe bubble however I know I have to face these challenges if I am to return to a normal life.

So you have inspired me to say yes!

I hope the hairdresser visit works its magic.

Keeping my fingers crossed for the job
Pauline

Siebrie

Fingers crissed for the job!

I think I have to say that I have a feeling you enjoyed your last months in Vietnam so much, because you knew you were leaving, and that you waited so long with rescinding your resignation to make sure you could leave. No judgment, just accept that you prefer the UK, and like to keep 'abroad' for vacations.

Tip for any pumpkin and squash recipes: add ground ginger.

AnnieG

Pauline I'm very pleased to have inspired you! It hard but sometimes giving yourself that little push is worth it.

Siebrie other people have said this to me, but actually it's not the case at all. Expats often say that it takes a good year to find your feet and that's exactly what happened to me, I found some fantastic friends and really settled in to life there and was in floods of tears every time I thought about leaving, I really wanted to stay. Being back is underlining to me that I don't like living in the UK, so I'm trying to find another opportunity overseas. I'm waiting to hear about a job in Vietnam and one in Manila.

Thanks for the tip about the ginger!