taking responsibilty to get me where I want to be

ftbwannabe

Yes, know what you mean re being everyone else's support. Cinema could be a nice opportunity to switch off & not be available for everyone else though. Stuff your pockets with maltesers (& a water bottle full of wine?) & get some downtime. Lots of sleep is also mega!

I've squirrelled away a couple of bargains/freebies/re-gifting opportunities so I have a little ready for christmas. Not splurging on groceries (booze, panettone, chocolate) will be a toughie if I'm not careful.

Must be hard worrying about the youngest. Could be a good age for him to have a LBM about finances though, I wish I'd figured my spending out at uni. At least you'll know he has grub, & that's the most important thing.

efes_shareholder

ftbwannabe wrote: »

Yes, know what you mean re being everyone else's support. Cinema could be a nice opportunity to switch off & not be available for everyone else though. Stuff your pockets with maltesers (& a water bottle full of wine?) & get some downtime. Lots of sleep is also mega!

I've squirrelled away a couple of bargains/freebies/re-gifting opportunities so I have a little ready for christmas. Not splurging on groceries (booze, panettone, chocolate) will be a toughie if I'm not careful.

Must be hard worrying about the youngest. Could be a good age for him to have a LBM about finances though, I wish I'd figured my spending out at uni. At least you'll know he has grub, & that's the most important thing.

Money has always burnt a hole in his pocket

If i use the £15 off your first £60 or over order on sainsburys and only buy own brand or offer goods then I know he has food at his disposal , Mother will stock the cupboards with non perishables

efes_shareholder

I think i just made a choice which will mean we may be slightly O/D by Friday but it will only be pence

Purchased 2 jumpers and a cardigan for my mum from Sainsburys sale , these are for Xmas and 50% off so its not wasteful and it will mean another present secured

enthusiasticsaver

Much as you are trying to support everyone, your youngest and your mum in particular you do need to look after yourself and sometimes they need to hit rock bottom before something changes. Making your mum aware you don't want to live in a pig sty may give her an incentive to change for the better. If she still wont admit to being in dire straits financially there is not much you can do.

Talking to your youngest about budgeting may help. Is he working to subsidise his student loan?

efes_shareholder

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

Much as you are trying to support everyone, your youngest and your mum in particular you do need to look after yourself and sometimes they need to hit rock bottom before something changes. Making your mum aware you don't want to live in a pig sty may give her an incentive to change for the better. If she still wont admit to being in dire straits financially there is not much you can do.

Talking to your youngest about budgeting may help. Is he working to subsidise his student loan?

Yes , he had a part time summer job which he is due a pay check from this week and has some hours in the student bar
He usually works all summer and didn't last year and i think that has had more of an impact then he realised
He isn't coming to me for assistance but was exceptionally grateful for the food delivery at the start of the month and I am happy to do this from time to time.
He now also has a budget spreadsheet and is alot more aware of his choices

I'm getting to the point when my patience is waining with my mum , I'm trying to be understanding and aside from "renting" a room I do alot to help , a great portion of which she could do herself - It is very hard when you are dealing with people who have mental illness.
I don't want to blow up the balloons for a pity party and would love to tell her she needs to sort herself out but that won't help much either
I can't control any of this or influence the outcome if she insists on keeping her secret - the length of time it will take to clear her debts at min payment , it will quite possibly go to the grave

efes_shareholder

I didn't sleep well last night and was awake on the hour every hour from 2am through to 6 this morning - Took me ages to nod off too , I was imanging all the improvements I would do at home if I ever had the resources available ....................Purely a dream as I was told last year by a psychic last year that I would always have to work for money and wouldn't get a lottery windfall ................At least it saves me £2.50 on buying a ticket

I have been toying with visiting a psychic again , If you have an belief in this kind of vision then I think its always when we are looking for guidance that we contemplate a visit

2 days until payday and I have £16.00 in my bank account and £5.00 in my purse. I have booked cinema tickets but will be skipping any refreshments from VUE !! I should be able to keep in credit as I also topped the car up with £15.00 this morning

attempt number 8045805803485083 of giving up smoking will resume on the 1st October..............Stoptober
Who knows it may inspire my mum to follow suit but as she has taken to smoking out of the way and in secret so I doubt it ..................If I'd have known how easy it would have been to get her to clear her path of debris just by being nagged I would have started nagging a long time ago.

Once I am paid I have to clear £250 from my emergancy credit card for the power steering pump on the car , this along with VERY are my prime targets as they are the only accounts with any interest payable if I don't settle in full

Working_Mum

Hi efes,
I have followed your thread regarding the situation with your Mum with interest. I think you are doing so well to be aware of the choices you are making.

I am sharing this link with you - it may seem totally random but it will help with stepping back from your Mum and her choices to better protect yourself. I know it is from the Betty Ford clinic and is about addiction but it (and the philosophy) was a huge help when i was moving my life forward after a devastating divorce (from a complete narcissist)

https://www.hazeldenbettyford.org/articles/detachment-with-love-gains-new-meaning

I wish you well on your jounrey!!

Two psychics have told me I will marry an Australian - he hasn't walked into my life yet but I am ever hopeful!

efes_shareholder

Hi working mum

Thank you so much for the link , I can absolutely resonate with it and completely get why you thought I could do with reading it - it pretty much confirms everything I have told myself over the last few weeks
I can't allow the situation my mum has put herself in to to influence where I want myself to be

Its just frustrating that it was thought that the release of equity would mean she would never be in the situation she is in ..............and the situation is basically because she has not deprived herself anything particularly her outrageous nicotine need for the past 2 years.

Only she can fix that , its her addiction to beat and like most addicts she is being very secretive about everything she consumes or spends and the state of her finances

I've made steps to reduce the household spends , but rather then her take this as a stepping stone to firstly improve the state of her overdraft , she is using it to facilitate her habit

Addicts and narcassists leave similar wounds

I hope you meet the Australian .............and I hope hes strapping and handsome , hopefully he will be.

efes_shareholder

Lately with the debt clearance I have really felt like I am emptying a lake with a teaspoon so I took a little bit of time to reflect on the deductions this year
I am not sure I would ever have entered in to the plan to rid myself of debt had I not recieved a little cash of my ex partner earlier in the year which made the situation easier to face and a lot less overwhelming

In March - The situation was below
Overdraft - varied between 1000 - 1500
Defaulted M & S credit card £3699
Defaulted Argos account £1100
Defaulted Three account £73.00
Defaulted Anglian Water £392.00
Nationwide C/Card £4650
Very £1200.00

Debt to clear £12614


Current state of affairs

Overdraft - his is now clear , I currently have an emergancy fund of £1700 , I want this to grow !
Defaulted M & S credit card £3699 - offered full and final settlement , cleared for £1800
Defaulted Argos account £1100 - offered settlement cleared at £900.00
Defaulted Three account £73.00 - offered settlement cleared at £27.00
Defaulted Anglian Water £392.00 - Payment plan in place balance of £212.00
Nationwide C/Card £4650 - Transferred to 0% £3400.00 - this has been used lately for car parts so an additional £300 now on card
Very £1200.00 - balance of £330 ( 230 on BNPL)

Debt still to clear £4242

This helps me put things in to perspective and also appreicate what a great step in the right direction the small windfall was - Now its time for me to really get to grips with things and get the remainder gone

All of the defaults are due to drop off my file around 2020 , Lately I have been thinking that it may be just as well to clear the anglian water which is the only account that now shows a balance and a slightly shady history - I am not sure if this will really make much difference other then possibly make it slightly easier to obtain 0% transfers should I need them
It is due to clear by March 2019

I've also stashed a nest egg in to bonds , these gave a £25 return within the first three months so I am quite happy with that - The temptation is to clear the debt with this cash but I don't think I yet have the self disapline to do this
I then have the task of putting the money back !
Maybe in another year I will revisit the above and possibly do this but right now there is very little interest being paid and I really don't think I have taught myself enough about living within budget to be strict enough to put that money back

Sorry for rambling on - All these things going round in my thought bubble

Pay day tomorrow and then the journey to get to the next one begins

efes_shareholder

Its pay day and and other then my PCN which is a massive £65.00 and will double in a few days I haven't actioned any payments for the moment

I just want to look at it a while , If I could stroke and caress it I would