I ended things with a man who wouldn't commit. Now he says he wants a relationship.

hazyjo

I see it on TOWIE lol. Together for months, shagging, arguing, saying they love them, nobody knowing where they stand, and several months later they dump each other cos one has cheated cos they weren't 'official' or they make a big declaration of love and says 'Will you be my girlfriend?'

!!!!!! :laugh:

I wouldn't act like that even if I was in my teens or 20s!

Pollycat

Alikay wrote: »

Thank God I'm old and married, then - it sounds exhausting! I think if I was a single 20-something now, I'd get a houseful of cats instead of trying to find a man :rotfl:

Me too.
What the OP describes is how things were when I was about 15.

chesky

...... and he hasn't spoken to me since.

I guess that says it all. Move on.

Doodles

JustAGirl wrote: »

Hello all! I'm a user of this forum but I've created another account to remain anonymous because my ex also uses this forum. I hope that's okay. O.o

I was seeing this man for about 4 months. It was exclusive but nothing was official. Neither of us told our friends either. We're both in our late 20s.

I ended it last week because it had been 4 months and I didn't see it going anywhere. I'm getting older and I want a meaningful relationship with a man who wants to commit to me.

Once I ended it, he said he was starting to want a relationship from me and that he had feelings for me. I asked if we could stay friends but he said he can't pretend this hasn't affected him and hasn't spoken to me since.

I could have asked him if he wanted to be in a relationship with me after that, I guess. But it didn't feel right. I mean, why say he wanted a relationship with me AFTER I broke up with him? Why not say that before?

I would say just move on. You say it didn't feel right. And he is showing immaturity - he wants to be in a relationship and now doesn't speak to you?

FBaby

It sounds like you were on a mission. Meet someone, give a few weeks, make it official, wait another few weeks, start to make plans for the future etc...

What he is trying to tell you is that he was slowly getting there, starting to realise that he liked you and wanted to consider something more than just casual daters, but you wanted it black or white and because you didn't get this in your -very short- time frame, you blew up your chances with him.

As already said, take your time with the next relationship. Try to enjoy the present time rather than consider the long term opportunity and let things happen naturally rather than trying to engineer them.

bertiewhite

JustAGirl wrote: »

Hello all! I'm a user of this forum but I've created another account to remain anonymous because my ex also uses this forum. I hope that's okay. O.o

Do you mean this bloke?

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5833942/bought-a-house-without-my-partner-of-7-months-and-she-has-left-me-advice

ViolaLass

I don't agree with the take-it-slow-ers. It's an option but you don't have to go slow if you don't want to. But TALK to him, ask whether he wants it to be official. He might want it and might now be feeling hurt and confused that you didn't want to discuss it first.

When my OH and I got together, I turned around during the first evening and said "In your opinion, are we a couple now?" He was taken aback but agreed that we were - and thus learned that I like to know where I stand.

peachyprice

Poor_Single_lady wrote: »

This is how dating is now for a lot of people under 35. A Depressing minefield. But completely commonplace

Can't see that it's any different from 30 years ago TBH.

Girls think they've found a life partner after a few months and want marriage and babies, guys see it quite differently. Nothing new here at all.

System

peachyprice wrote: »

Girls think they've found a life partner after a few months and want marriage and babies, guys see it quite differently. Nothing new here at all.

I suppose it depends on whether you want a life partner. If there was a third time round for me, i'd settle for nothing less than my soulmate.

DigForVictory

peachyprice wrote: »

Can't see that it's any different from 30 years ago TBH.

Girls think they've found a life partner after a few months and want marriage and babies, guys see it quite differently. Nothing new here at all.

Peachy, you never met my grandmother. I could have found a life partner (whatever one of those is - I have a husband, myself) and she'd have had the chap vetted back unto the fifth generation, and interrogated him as to his intentions, prospects & honours to date.

She'd not have settled for marriage & babies but aimed for title, property & hard cash as well.

My husband is dashed lucky to have met me after her funeral.