I ended things with a man who wouldn't commit. Now he says he wants a relationship.

JustAGirl

Hello all! I'm a user of this forum but I've created another account to remain anonymous because my ex also uses this forum. I hope that's okay. O.o

I was seeing this man for about 4 months. It was exclusive but nothing was official. Neither of us told our friends either. We're both in our late 20s.

I ended it last week because it had been 4 months and I didn't see it going anywhere. I'm getting older and I want a meaningful relationship with a man who wants to commit to me.

Once I ended it, he said he was starting to want a relationship from me and that he had feelings for me. I asked if we could stay friends but he said he can't pretend this hasn't affected him and hasn't spoken to me since.

I could have asked him if he wanted to be in a relationship with me after that, I guess. But it didn't feel right. I mean, why say he wanted a relationship with me AFTER I broke up with him? Why not say that before?

hazyjo

Take it slower next time. Meet someone, date, make it official, then take it further. I really don't get this generation who seem to sleep with someone, sort-of see each other for months, and it's not classed as 'official'. Why not? How can you see someone for FOUR MONTHS and it not automatically be official?

It just all sounds so juvenile - sorry. Perhaps you need an older or more mature man.

Pollycat

I don't understand the 'we were seeing each other for 4 months but nothing was official' bit.
Why wouldn't you tell your friends about a 4 month long relationship?

Why didn't you talk to him before finishing the relationship?

TBH, it sounds like something a teenager would write.

ETA: snap, hazyjo.

Alikay

I wouldn't expect a commitment after 4 months, but I would expect us to be proper girlfriend and boyfriend and meet each other's friends and family. I'm afraid I don't really get this whole "seeing each other" thing: Surely after a few dates you know whether you want to go out together or not?

System

What do you mean official?

74jax

JustAGirl wrote: »

I could have asked him if he wanted to be in a relationship with me after that, I guess. But it didn't feel right. I mean, why say he wanted a relationship with me AFTER I broke up with him? Why not say that before?

I guess in case he could carry on without the commitment.

Who cares though, delete his number and move on.

ViolaLass

Did you ask him whether he wanted it to be 'official' before you broke up with him?

*max*

After four months, it IS a relationship. I'm not sure what kind of "commitment" you expect though? Saying "I want to be in a relationship with you" does not make it commitment! Yet it seems that's what you mean?

Plus, you can't have liked him that much if you ditched him because he "wouldn't commit" (again, how??) after four months, but are prepared to reconsider just because he now says he does...This is just too weird, not to mention incredibly childish!

Poor_Single_lady

This is how dating is now for a lot of people under 35. A Depressing minefield. But completely commonplace

suki1964

Judi wrote: »

What do you mean official?

I think thats when they update their FB status

If its not posted on FB - its not official

Alikay

Poor_Single_lady wrote: »

This is how dating is now for a lot of people under 35. A Depressing minefield. But completely commonplace

Thank God I'm old and married, then - it sounds exhausting! I think if I was a single 20-something now, I'd get a houseful of cats instead of trying to find a man :rotfl: