Looking after partners daughter advice please

anna_1977

Fireflyaway wrote: »

If feel terrible if my ex husband's new girlfriend was looking after my kids. I know it's pretty normal these days but I'd hate it. If you have mutual friends and know each other from years back that's probably worse.
I suppose legally she is the parent and can stop it if she wants to.

I understand that - i was just pleased my kids liked their dads girlfriend when it happened years ago.

He's legally the parent too isn't he?

I've just told me he needs to talk to her rationally and maybe they can come to some sort of compromise

maman

anna_1977 wrote: »

I understand that - i was just pleased my kids liked their dads girlfriend when it happened years ago.

He's legally the parent too isn't he?

I've just told me he needs to talk to her rationally and maybe they can come to some sort of compromise

If this went to court her chances of proving that leaving the children with you was detrimental are nil (unless there's something you haven't told us)

But you're right and rational conversation has to be a better way. Going to court is not only expensive but acrimonious.

panagia

anna_1977 wrote: »

Sadly the 9 year old has just told her dad that 'mummy has said we can't spend time with xxx (me)!

I feel really sorry for the children in these situations

9 is really quite a young age to have to try and play the diplomat between their warring parents.

anna_1977

panagia wrote: »

I feel really sorry for the children in these situations

9 is really quite a young age to have to try and play the diplomat between their warring parents.

I absolutely agree, I'm mortified the kids are being used - it's so unfair!!

HampshireH

So bad. I'm sure she doesn't parent them 100% of the time she has them. There must be occasions where she goes out and gets a sitter or whatever.

He has as much rights as her. He could impose the same conditions if he so wishes to. But I'm sure wouldn't as it's unreasonable.

I hope the weekend settles

Rachel83

What a difficult situatiton! Are you children involved too, Im sure the girl will miss the time spent with those too! Maybe the mum is just taking advantage of the one on zone time, while dads with the other one.

Shame you cant send a simple message and just let he know you werent trying to step on her toes.

Ps I hate posting on the forums with an apple product the punctuation stuff is horrid, thats why I attempted to delete the last reply

System

Im sorry for you and the position your in but i see it that if your partner has his children on weekends they should both spend the weekend with him.

Its lovely that you want to do girly things with his daughter and maybe given time the ex will soften her attitude but just for now, i'd keep your mouth shut.

FBaby

Legally, she doesn't have a leg to stand on, if it went to court, she would lose unless it became a regular thing and the younger wasn't happy about it, maybe.

Saying that, acting all mighty and making her feel even worse than she does will not help the children. She probably knows deep inside that she's wrong, she doesn't need to be told. It's most likely her heart talking not her mind. The best way to get her to accept the situation is to take a non defensive approach to her.

Maybe telling the 5yo that she'd get to spend a 'girly' and fun day with you as you would expect a child to do with her mum wasn't the best way to go about it right away.

For the sake of the children (not their mum), it might be worth taking a little bit of a step back. It probably would have been absolutely fine if you hadn't planned it so long in advance and stuck to cooking at home and dog walking and leave out the going out for lunch.

AnotherJoe

Rachel83 wrote: »

Ps I hate posting on the forums with an apple product the punctuation stuff is horrid, thats why I attempted to delete the last reply

Switch off "smart punctuation", you wont miss it (and its not just Apple, some windows PC's have this issue as well)

In Settings, tap General. Then, tap Keyboards, and toggle Smart Punctuation to off.

AnotherJoe

Initially this seemed vindictive to me from the mother but look at it from her POV, instead of dad spending the day with daughter he's palmed her off with some woman he's known for a few months, when instead she could be spending a nice day with her daughter and having a girly day with her rather than this other person there's no committed relationship with at the moment.