Am I over reacting?

sassyblue

Please may I ask what would happen if you went out, ignored his calls, had a great time and rolled in at the time he did?

Your posts are quite concerning, I want to tell you to run a mile because your other half sounds far too controlling. Someone else mentioned it but I would be very wary of someone using their insecurities as a way of controlling you.

barbiedoll

last_mile wrote: »

Our time spent together mainly consists of eating while watching a movie or him playing a game while i either watch Tv on my tablet or read a book. So i suppose the answer is not exciting enough.
I am definitely running out of patience with it all.
Good grief Barbiedoll its like we live the same life.
Savvy_sue, he is on medication but tends to not take them over the weekends saying hes forgot because hes out of routine. and he hasn't even registered for counciling for himself because hes "not ready for that". I'm going to give that radio 4 programme a listen thanks you ]

Jojo the Tightfisted - oh good the migraines and sore heads are a daily occurrence. he claims its coz his office is hot and hes not drinking enough but it stops him doing almost anything round the house.

Oh goodness....that’s not my life now! I’ve been married to a perfectly normal, reasonable and rational man for almost 20 years. A man who made me see that there is nothing wrong with seeing my friends, staying out late and spending time with other people if I wish.

I hardly ever think about life with my ex. And then I read a thread like this and I get reminded of that sinking feeling, that dread of the days and weeks that lie ahead (imagine not looking forward to the weekend?) and the fear of realising that it might not ever get better than this.

Luckily for me.....it did.

LeesArt

last_mile wrote: »

Hi All,

I!!!8217;m back again and I suppose I!!!8217;m just looking to be heard.
I!!!8217;ve been lurking while I tried to work through the issues we had.
I don!!!8217;t think it has worked as I still feeling like I never know whats coming next.

But the issue that has driven me back today is a long standing issue.
I have a hen do to attend this weekend, it will be very small and more civilised.
We!!!8217;re going cupcake decorating then dinner and drinks then home.

Now my husband attended the stag last week, normally I would have expected him to try and wiggle out of it but I suppose he wanted to go so it was never mentioned in negativity.
I dropped him at the station mid-afternoon and truth be told given his previous actions expected him home by 8:30-9.
He didn!!!8217;t get home until 11:45 and we pretty cheery in fact.

Since then he keeps going on about where ill be and what ill be doing and how he wants me home early like 8.
Along with his mentioning that in fact he doesn!!!8217;t think I should go at all.
It annoys me that he can go off and do as he pleases but I am dictated to about my actions etc.

Just wanted to vent but I am seriously feeling that if he ruins this day out, the first I have had in forever, I!!!8217;ll have to say something.

Sorry I thought the hen and stag meant you were about to get married to this person?

Call me romantic but I think marriage comes with some basics, little things like loving the person, like having mutual trust and repect.

Based on what you have said I do not think you should be with this person .

Get out while you can, out there somewhere is someone who will cherish you, who will love you, unconditionally. They will not be so insecure that you have to consider them before you agree a night out with your friends.

If they are like this now it will only get worse and they will feel that they own you completely.

Wise up, end it NOW! BEFORE kids are involved.

enthusiasticsaver

He sounds insecure and controlling.

There is only one way to deal with this yourself and that is to set boundaries and don't allow yourself to be manipulated.

Don't ask him, tell him you are going on your friends hen do.
You don't know when you will be home so don't wait up.
You will keep your phone on for energencies but if he abuses this by constantly texting and calling you will turn the phone off.

If he makes a fuss on the day ignore it. He is a grown man and can look after himself if he has a headache or cold or whatever.

You need to take control of your own actions and he has to overcome his insecurities.

hollydays

I would just say- be aware this type of control creeps up on you. You probably are out of touch with what normal means now.

Walking on eggshells , ibs, effect on self esteem.


Get out before you can not , and have some guilt free fun with your life.
Your life is supposed to be enhanced by a partnership, not made miserable.
Yes, I am sure he has his good points, but so does everyone. Do not make the good points a bad reason to stay.

Barny1979

Hopefully the Hen Do is going well!

Mummy2cheekymonkeys

I have been following this thread all week and I kept thinking about you all day yesterday last mile. I hope everything went well and you had a good time x

Sncjw

He is controlling you.

Constantly texting and then calling you.

Do you ever go out on a whim or do you have to plan it with your partner every time. I mean even just to go to the shops?

unholyangel

last_mile wrote: »

God dont i know it.
its defo never as easily done, but i think if he ruins this hen im going to take action.

I read your initial posts but had to run without replying. I've probably forgotten most of what I was going to say but not this part....

You only think its hard looking forward, not when you're looking back. When you look back, you kick yourself for not doing it soon.

Im always cautious about advising someone end their long term relationship based on a few tidbits, but I suspect perhaps your partner may possibly be more a manipulator.

I've never encountered anyone with depression that is selfish - usually the very opposite. So when faced with the symptoms of their illness, they tend to blame themselves, not other people. For example a friend walks past you without saying hello, depressed & anxious person is likely to start obsessing over what they might have done wrong to have the friend do that.

A manipulator on the other hand blames you - its your fault they're upset because you went out and you know how it upsets them.

So with that in mind.....does your partner blame himself? Or you? I suspect its the latter - else he'd be telling you "no, you go on out and enjoy yourself, I need to learn to deal with it".

Tbh relationships like this are easy to fall into - usually you're too busy being on the defensive all the time to have time to clearly think about their behaviour.

I'd suggest a break away with friends - no partners. Somewhere remote there is no mobile signal. For at least 3 days but preferably a week. If all you feel is relief....end it. Life is too short and there is no "do-over". Your time is the most precious thing you have because it is finite - money might buy you a little extra but it can't prolong the inevitable. So don't waste your time on people who want you to be anything other than happy.

last_mile

Hi All, So the day went "well".
I planned my morning so that i had as little time as possible to discuss the whole thing.
instead of having him drop me at the station i made arrangements to be picked up by another attendee, this meant that there wasn't any of the normal issues about me leaving as i got dressed and "had to run".
I got a few messages throughout the day but these were in fact fine as he was doing DIY in the house and wanted my opinion of drilling major holes etc.
His only ask was that i text him when I got to the first location and when i was heading home.
I did this as a norm because its an every day occurrence to let him know i have arrived safely at my destination.

Over all the day and night were good, I had a good time and had little disturbance from him.
This was after I had made it clear that i was going and i was going to have a good time on Friday night.