Birthday gift

MXW

Is it ok for your partner/boyfriend to tell you to go and buy yourself something for your birthday and they'll give you the money for it?

This has just happened to me and I'm a bit upset by it as it's seems a bit impersonal, but I don't know if I'm overreacting.

Thanks

queengoth

I think it depends on how long you have been together and if he's good at buying gifts you like. He maybe thinks it better that you get something you like and want rather than get it wrong ? If you are bothered then you need to say it to him but then you run the risk of him wasting cash on something that you hate?

Aylesbury_Duck

It is impersonal. He sounds very thoughtful and not a little patronising.

Don't buy anything. If he asks what you've bought, just say you spent the time evaluating your relationship rather than shopping.

POPPYOSCAR

How exactly did this come about?

Did he ask you what you wanted? Did you say you did not know?

Has he done this before?

System

It isn't really a gift if you've bought it yourself (!) but that said, it's not unusual to give money as a present.

martinthebandit

It's a sign of immaturity and that he soon needs to be an ex partner/boyfriend until he grows up.

Torry_Quine

If my husband had done this I would have been very annoyed with him.

ElefantEd

If my wife did this I would be jumping for joy for it would mean I could get exactly what I wanted. In fact I quite often pre-empt the process and buy something for myself, then let her know. Sometimes I even wrap it myself. That way it's a surprise for both of us.

debsy42

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me, buy yourself something you want instead of some tat that would just sit in your drawer forever

Mojisola

MXW wrote: »

Is it ok for your partner/boyfriend to tell you to go and buy yourself something for your birthday and they'll give you the money for it?

This has just happened to me and I'm a bit upset by it as it's seems a bit impersonal, but I don't know if I'm overreacting.

It doesn't really matter if other people think that it's ok - it's upset you so you need to have a talk about it.

If he has no idea what you would like as a present, could you give him a list of a few possibles and let him decide on one?

If it's really important to you that he chooses something with no input from you, be prepared to get some unwanted gifts!

MXW

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

How exactly did this come about?

Did he ask you what you wanted? Did you say you did not know?

Has he done this before?

We have been seeing each other a couple of years. He struggles with what to buy me. He comes from a very big family (9 siblings), and they tend not to buy for each other, apart from special birthdays. He has 2 children, and just gives them money ( I can understand this).

He has bought me gifts in the past, but I think he's run out of ideas. At Christmas he bought me a couple of (very nice smelly things..body shop stuff) to unwrap, and put some money in an envelope for me.

This time he's just said, I've no idea what to buy you (meaning clothes, shoes etc), and you will need to try them on....so you have and buy something and I'll give you the money.

I've no intention of buying anything, not to be awkward with him, but because of how it makes me feel.

I did turn it around on him and say to him that I found it a bit impersonal, and how would be feel if I said to him on his birthday...oh, just go and buy yourself something, and I'll give you the money. He said...oh when you put it like that, I can see where you're coming from!

I'm not going to sulk, or kick off, or anything like that, but I do feel a bit hurt, and just wondered if I'm overreacting, and what other people's opinions are. Is it just a case of he just couldn't be bothered? I'm not sure!

In all fairness, he is a great person, and we are very happy. I don't want to make a mountain out of a mole hill...but can't deny it has bothered me.