Birthday gift

[Deleted User]

My take on it is very simple


Flowers, chocs money in a card and job done. At least that way you can choose something you'd like and lets face it we don't always want / need something at the time of a birthday and with money you can keep it until you do.


I do have one little bugbear though in that I have a friend who every birthday she asks what I'd like, we arrange a meet and meal and then without fail she has clearly arrived at the shops earlier and bought something different, not wrapped it and no card, just hands over a carrier bag.


Now that I do find a little disappointing.

Faith177

It depends i have done this to my husband in the past because of two reasons he was away when he saw the item so i said get it and I'll give you the money or it has been a particular item he wants for his photography that I don't want to get wrong so get him to get it then i know its right

Alikay

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest, but I'm very low maintenance, as is DH!

takman

Pollycat wrote: »

I wouldn't want my partner (of almost 35 years) going shopping with me. Not even to buy me a birthday, Christmas or anniversary present.
And our relationship is working.

Not everyone is the same.
Your partner would possibly think your relationship isn't working because you don't want to go shopping with her to buy her a gift but it doesn't follow that everybody who thinks differently should query their relationship.

If your partner doesn't know what to get you and you wouldn't find the idea of going shopping together enjoyable then why not just agree not to get each other gifts in the future?.

The best part of getting a gift is what you described in post #21, it's the feeling someone has cared enough to listen to what you wanted and put in the effort to go get it and wrap it up.

Telling someone to get what they want and you will reimburse them is the least amount of effort you can put into a present. So my opinion is if you feel obligated to get a partner a present but don't want to put in any effort it doesn't sound like a very good relationship (not aimed at you, just a general comment).

I should also add that if a some of the present were bought this way but at least one present was a surprise and bought by the person giving it then it would be a different scenario completely and that work's well as it adds to the surprise gift.

But you have been with your partner longer than i have been alive so maybe i will change my mind when i get to where you are in life . (Which isn't an insult as that statement could be misinterpreted)

NBLondon

Difficult.... I can see it in a long-term relationship when you have run out of surprises. My father has been handing over the cash for 30 years! But even then you can discuss the choosing - ask for and offer hints. At the couple of years point, however, it looks like a cop-out.

M'wife says I'm terribly difficult to buy for (and in some ways I am) even after 20+ years but would never just offer the money - it would be a case of let's go and choose together. So I picked out my new Kindle for Christmas but she surprised me with a case for it.

Yesterday, mooching round House of Fraser, I saw a designer T-shirt that I thought she would like. I would have been hesitant about buying it without her - but she tried it, liked it and I paid there and then (OK - it was with competition winnings...). If I'd been on my own, I might have shown her it online and checked.

Pollycat

takman wrote: »

If your partner doesn't know what to get you and you wouldn't find the idea of going shopping together enjoyable then why not just agree not to get each other gifts in the future?.

Because I like buying gifts for my partner and he'd feel upset if he didn't have anything to give me on my birthday, at Christmas or on our anniversary.
It's not his fault that I'm very hard to buy for.
I don't collect Pandora beads (or anything similar), I buy most of my clothes in charity shops.
I like second-hand jewellery and spend quite a lot of time on ebay.
He could sit on his PC 24 x 7 and still not be able to pinpoint that one piece that sets my heart racing.

So why try to fix something that ain't broke?

I have a friend who likes surprises.
So her chap spends his time before her birthday and Christmas mooching round jewellers trying to find something she likes.
And stresses about it.
And sometimes she's been somewhat disappointed in the past as the gift isn't exactly to her taste.

I really don't see the point of that at all.
But if it's what she wants, then it's really none of my business.
It doesn't make their relationship any better or stronger than ours.

takman wrote: »

The best part of getting a gift is what you described in post #21, it's the feeling someone has cared enough to listen to what you wanted and put in the effort to go get it and wrap it up.

It was something a friend showed us, secondhand, that I admired. He arranged to buy it when I went to the loo so didn't really have to go anywhere to get it. :rotfl:
It's the only surprise he's bought me in 35 years.
But that's not a problem for either of us.

takman wrote: »

Telling someone to get what they want and you will reimburse them is the least amount of effort you can put into a present. So my opinion is if you feel obligated to get a partner a present but don't want to put in any effort it doesn't sound like a very good relationship (not aimed at you, just a general comment).

I should also add that if a some of the present were bought this way but at least one present was a surprise and bought by the person giving it then it would be a different scenario completely and that work's well as it adds to the surprise gift.

There is no reimbursement in our relationship. Our money is shared so it all comes out of the same pot.
Actually, we are financially secure and tend to buy what we want whenever we feel like it so gifts for special occasions aren't really important to us.

And obviously, I don't share your opinion about relationships.

takman wrote: »

But you have been with your partner longer than i have been alive so maybe i will change my mind when i get to where you are in life . (Which isn't an insult as that statement could be misinterpreted)

Then I can see why you don't necessarily understand my point of view.
And maybe in time you'll learn that gift-buying is not up there on the list of what makes a good relationship.

Fireflyaway

Well it could be he just couldn't be bothered and took the easy way out of it could be he genuinely wanted you to get something you like and didnt trust his own judgement. In the scheme of things it's not a big issue.

Doodles

If you are upset by it, you need to tell him.

Some couples are ok with this, I don't think it's necessarily a right or wrong thing. But the thing here is that you personally don't like it.

If he is struggling for ideas then give him a birthday list.

maman

I agree with the posters who say there's no right way. What matters is how you feel about birthday gifts and that your partner didn't seem to understand. Hopefully he does now that you've explained but I do think you should help him out with a list or something for next year.

DH and I can buy ourselves what we want with our own money and we certainly don't need 'stuff'.

What I enjoy for my birthday is spending time together. This year we had a short break in Italy as it was a special one but ordinarily a day out or a meal or both suits us fine.

clairec79

How about giving him a list of things you would like (can even go to the extent of emailing him the links) and then he can pick out of them?

Or suggest a day/night out as your gift and he can organise it - my husband's christmas gift isn't until September because thats when the band he likes are playing locally. Could be a date night for both of you or if it's something you like and he dislikes then go with a friend