Staving off a potential family dispute

ScorpiondeRooftrouser

Cakeguts wrote: »

This is actually nothing to do with you. This is between your sister and your father. Your father was the person who made the decision as to what to do with his house to make his life easier. Your sister would have been aware of your father's wishes at the time that he made this decision with you about his future interest in the house so really if she wants a dispute it is with your father not you.

Well, with the caveats that there is no legal issue here, only a moral one, and that handing back 50% of the house to the father at this point makes absolutely no sense to me on any level, no.

The problem is that if her father feels he made a mistake ten years ago, he cannot rectify that mistake without the OP giving something back to him that the father feels he gave in error.

Not saying that father is right, of course. But if there is an issue the OP can't get out of it by saying it's somebody else's problem. It is sometimes (not necessarily here, but sometimes) the right thing to do to give back something someone has given to you in all good faith without mention of repayment.

ScorpiondeRooftrouser

Aylesbury_Duck wrote: »

Surely you mean you are five years older?, or did this all happen when you were 13?

All he has said is that she was over 18 at the time...that is, a legal adult. Not that she was 18. She may have been much older.

Aylesbury_Duck

ScorpiondeRooftrouser wrote: »

All he has said is that she was over 18 at the time...that is, a legal adult. Not that she was 18. She may have been much older.

My mistake. Thanks.

flammable999

Really appreciate the advice guys. It does seem I am on solid ground but I will still be seeking legal advice about whether the lack of written confirmation from my sis can hurt me.

What you are all saying is right, sometimes you just need to hear it from someone else I guess. My sister was 30 at the time but because of side effects from illness when she was a child, she can be emotionally unhinged and irrational at times. I think someone has got into her head recently as she hasnt said a thing this last 10 years.

Will whatever I do hurt my relationship with my father? Who knows, but they have spoiled her all her life (some could argue with good reason to an extent) and I feel as if I am being thrown under the bus to shut her up. After all is said and done, I think he appreciates I am trying to protect both my future as well as that of my wife and unborn child. He was two years from retirement when I took over the mortgage and so to be fair putting aside money would have been a struggle. In his defence, he has still been paying a lot of bills but I have worked out I have paid circa 50k in interest-only payments this last 10 years. Thats got to count for something?

Some of this is cultural and the whole passing down to your kids thing in our culture, which I respect. But yes you guys are right, it is down to father and daughter. I feel a bit of a pawn at the moment.

HampshireH

flammable999 wrote: »

Really appreciate the advice guys. It does seem I am on solid ground but I will still be seeking legal advice about whether the lack of written confirmation from my sis can hurt me.

What you are all saying is right, sometimes you just need to hear it from someone else I guess. My sister was 30 at the time but because of side effects from illness when she was a child, she can be emotionally unhinged and irrational at times. I think someone has got into her head recently as she hasnt said a thing this last 10 years.

Will whatever I do hurt my relationship with my father? Who knows, but they have spoiled her all her life (some could argue with good reason to an extent) and I feel as if I am being thrown under the bus to shut her up. After all is said and done, I think he appreciates I am trying to protect both my future as well as that of my wife and unborn child. He was two years from retirement when I took over the mortgage and so to be fair putting aside money would have been a struggle. In his defence, he has still been paying a lot of bills but I have worked out I have paid circa 50k in interest-only payments this last 10 years. Thats got to count for something?

Some of this is cultural and the whole passing down to your kids thing in our culture, which I respect. But yes you guys are right, it is down to father and daughter. I feel a bit of a pawn at the moment.

Your other options are;

• Get the house valued and tell your dad if he wants 50% of the house he pays you x amount based on the current value of the property. As you say, your the one who has been paying for it the last 10 years and your the one with the mortgage responsibilities.
• Explain to your dad/sister the gifted deposit was x amount and half of that is x - draw up a document and give your sister x amount in cash and be done with it.

Option 1 you have said your dad cannot afford so he won't take that one.
Option 2 gives your sister the cash now (if isnt going up or down as the value is whatever it was 10 years ago) and she can do as she pleases with it provided everyone signs a legal document outlining what the funds are for, where they are from and that there will be no further funds from you or your property.

Your dad may have been paying bills - but he would be paying rent and bills elsewhere.

How much was the gift of the equity?

Also in relation to the cultural aspect - I appreciate this but he wasn't too concerned about this when he handed the house over.

Sea_Shell

Don't feel you have to answer....but what was your dad's motivation for doing this in the first place? Did he have a maturing interest only mortgage for example.

betsie

She was given the chance to help your parents and chose not too. You have allowed your parents to stay in their home rent free.
I bet you are the one who still sorts everything out for them now and will do as their age progresses whilst she turns up for a cup of tea once in a while!!

Do your parents have savings? Can your dad not leave her a larger share of that in his will? Maybe that would keep the peace for now and make your dad feel happier.
Unfortunately, if it’s anything like situations I have known she will kick off again when they die. At this point you will have to decide how much you want to maintain a relationship with her.

flammable999

Sea_Shell wrote: »

Don't feel you have to answer....but what was your dad's motivation for doing this in the first place? Did he have a maturing interest only mortgage for example.

We had been in the house for 20 years prior. He has worked hard and maybe beyond his means to make sure we grew up in a good area with good schools etc. For whatever reasons, he had to remortgage a few times, all for the sake of trying to make all our lives comfortable but no ones perfect and he made some losses. By the time it came to 2008, he was in no position to keep up the repayements and due to his age, no lender would let him re-mortgage. Property going to me was the only option to save the house that we all wanted to stay in and one that my dad had put his heart and soul into, and also it gave me the chance to get on the property ladder with a gifted deposit when I would have had no chance ( and definitely would not right now) otherwise.

flammable999

betsie wrote: »

She was given the chance to help your parents and chose not too. You have allowed your parents to stay in their home rent free.
I bet you are the one who still sorts everything out for them now and will do as their age progresses whilst she turns up for a cup of tea once in a while!!

Do your parents have savings? Can your dad not leave her a larger share of that in his will? Maybe that would keep the peace for now and make your dad feel happier.
Unfortunately, if it’s anything like situations I have known she will kick off again when they die. At this point you will have to decide how much you want to maintain a relationship with her.

Nope, no savings. I know what shes like and you are probably right but she is my only sibling and I don't have much other family in this country. It would be sad if my unborn child grew up in all that and I get my sister can be irrational at times maybe due to medical reasons beyond our control but I am just thinking about my child. I want to make sure nothing is at risk where he/she is concerned. What parent wouldnt?

moneyistooshorttomention

flammable999 wrote: »

Ideally, I want to give her nothing, but to keep the peace, I would give her 50% of the gifted equity at the time ten years ago

That (including an allowance for inflation) sounds the fairest way to go to me - otherwise she'd have every reason to be aggrieved that she was taken advantage of and you "copped the lot".

Your wife and unborn child are nothing to do with anyone else - your father, your sister, Joe Bloggs down the street.