Confession Day

Scoops672

Dear All, I'm a newbie and have been a lurker for some time now. I love the diary threads, so I'm starting my own as a form of therapy and motivation. I've done TONS of research about debt and getting out of it, but I still feel like I know nothing. I'm a bit of a technopleb, so please forgive me if/when I don't understand the jargon/instructions etc. I'm a 46yo mum to an 8yo DS, with a 3 day a week regular paid job and self employed for 2-3 other days. (I recently took the job on to help pay back my debts). If you manage to get to the end without falling asleep then I commend you! Lol, I wish it would help me sleep.

Tomorrow, I think, may be a life changing day for me. One way or another. We have a mortgage appointment. DH is aware I have debts. He has none. He doesn't know exactly how much but it's around 10k more than it was 5 years ago when we last took out our current mortgage deal, and I was on £40k a year. 4 years ago I decided to go self employed as my dad died, and I had a bit of tough time with it all. We have separate finances on the whole, but both pay into a joint account for bills. This month I've not been able to pay my share, due to trying to keep on top of ccs/loans/buying stock for my business. I will catch it up but having done a SOA (on paper) it will be tricky doing it. Luckily, we have a buffer of about £1k in the joint account, so bills will still be paid from it, until I get up to date.

Anyway, as I said, meeting tomorrow 3.30pm, where it is likely to become apparent that hell will freeze over before we are granted a remortgage at a decent rate due to me running up my debts.

Here's where I'm at (it's even scarier typing it up than it was writing it)
Loan 1 - 11 months of £245 to pay (an end in sight for this one)
Loan 2 - 47 months of £253 to pay (a bit longer to go but an end in sight nevertheless)
CC1 - £6307 balance. £145 minimum payment 20% int.
CC2 - £8358 balance. £125 (£91 minimum payment) 0% on £5k for another 6 months. 18%int
CC3 - £4056 balance. £93 minimum payment 19% int
CC4 - £5234 balance. £63 minimum payment. 0% on £4434 for next 12 months. 19% otherwise.
Mum - £400 - says she wants to be last on my list as I've explained how deep I am in it bless her. (She has also had debt problems - is it genetic?)

My payments out are almost £1000 a month. Just on loans and cc. My payment to joint account is £700 a month - DH pays £1000. Plus we get a rental income from his other property if £400pm. This covers all essential joint expenses. I have worked out car, presents, clothes, other personal expenses to be an extra £300pm. I earn £919pm net on my 3 day a week job, so have to make the rest up from my SE job. Which to buy stock, pay petrol etc is £1400 a week. Or £700 a day (if doing just 2 days). Before I got my part time job, I was actually hitting the £1400 a week on 5 full days, so squishing this amount into 2 days and a couple of evenings has been really difficult. Really, really difficult. I'm knackered after a day of supply teaching, so I have ducked out of going on the road at times lately. I haven't been as focussed as I could be. Well, now the proverbial is about to hit the fan, I've got my finger out and really looked at where I'm at instead of coasting along. In 1.5 days this week I've managed to get £950. I'll do another £300 tomorrow I expect, but then I'm waiting for stock.

I am up to date with all my minimum payments. I've never defaulted on a payment yet (apart from owing £700 this month) but I've used my CC to buy stock on occasion. We have about 50% equity in our house. I need to reduce the debts, but I'm unsure what the best course of action is. I've done a debt remedy on Stepchange and researched each option (IVA, bankruptcy and DMP). I've looked at doing a DMP, but I'm fretting about defaulting on payments as I've never done that yet. I'm not sure if trying to remortgage to pay the highest interest cards off will be a solution or if I'll pay more that way - or even if we will be offered the chance to remortgage. (We have 10 years left on our remaining £75k mortgage - paying £800pm currently. House worth approx £150k. Rate 3.8% due to end in June).

DH has no time for debt. I keep trying to broach the subject but he either switches off or judges me. I feel so much guilt and shame about it all. Last night he found out his eldest has debts of £2500, with £1500 being a 50% interest rate and the other £1000 being overdraft. DH found out from eldest's partner (who has been reading bank statements and opening mail claiming baby did it the sneaky girl). She is threatening to leave DHs son now over these debts. DH came in ranting last night, about his son (my step son) and how stupid he is for getting into debt. He called his son some awful names. I cried inside, as he will be calling me the exact same names I imagine. I've pointed out that: 1. It's ultimately none of our business unless son approaches us and 2. DH needs to stop being judgemental and think about how to support his son without further borrowing being involved. I've mentioned the debt charities as a way to suggest support for his son, and said that with a good budget and the salary he is on he could be debt free in a matter of months. However, his reaction to his son has really scared me and I'm now worried he will go off on one and potentially leave/divorce me over the scale of my debts. (Silver lining (I always try to see one) - house sale would pay majority of debts off I suppose, and give me a fresh start financially but I don't want to lose DH over it).

I told him a couple of months ago about my worries to do with getting a mortgage, and that I've looked into an IVA and DMP. His reaction was 'well that's me screwed for getting a decent rate on the mortgage then'. I tried earlier to talk to him but he just looked the other way while I spoke. I'm terrified of what'll happen tomorrow.

I have a few of questions now:

1. If I do a DMP, do you have to default on payments to get interest frozen? And if so for how long?
2. Would it be better to partially consolidate via a remortgage deal? Especially since I could afford a lower payment over a longer period of time.
3. Is your home at risk if you do a DMP?
4. Can DH remortgage by himself but my name still be on the deeds if I'm still contributing to repayments? (Though I think our joint account might scupper him from what I understand about him being tied to my credit rating in this way)

Already starting doing 'spend free days'. I do pack ups for work. I walk where I can. I'm selling on eBay. Just investigating local car boots to attend. Forever googling about how to make money but all suggestions are a bit naff I find, as they don't bring enough in. I thought of setting up a YouTube channel and monetising it for a passive income. I thought about a blog, but I'm not the best of writers and there's already so many out there. I have a couple of ideas of videos I might do, but I'm lacking time and I feel consumed by my debt predicament. It's all I can think about. I'm planning to grow my business this year and have a plan in action for that. My head is well and truly out of the sand now about it, but I'm confused about best route to take. I've reduced haircuts to 2 a year from 6 @ £50 a go - I'm going to just have a cut too, rather than colour to reduce even further. I've somehow broken the dryer, so clothes get dried with the airer now. Heating down a degree and on timer (though it'll be off altogether soon). I'm already a good shopper - I always check price per 100g, (I drive DH mad with that if he comes shopping with me), go for cheap cuts of meat, buy bulk, longest dates, quick sale etc. Still more to do like swapping to cheaper brands etc. Already swapped to cheaper supermarket, which is also closer. I feel guilty that I'm imposing a frugal lifestyle onto DH as he works so hard not to be in debt, yet I haven't managed to get out of it the past 10years. I've had it since he's met me - and it's grown, like a giant flesh-eating plant.

Still can't sleep. But feeling slightly better looking at all the stuff I'm doing to get back on track. If you stuck with me 'til the end of this first post then I truly appreciate and am grateful for your attention. It's more than I've had from DH sadly. Wishing myself some luck for tomorrow and hoping it's not going to be as disastrous as I anticipate. Next steps - find out what bank offers re mortgage. Ring someone for some debt counselling. Keep breathing.

Sam.

pidge04

You have absolutely done the right thing posting here. I do not have any answers to your questions I am afraid but I am sure there will be people who can help on here. All best wishes.

System

It's all out in the open now on here . Good luck with today. You have at least tried to speak to your DH which is good , but sad that he hasn't listened.

Everything can be fixed and you can self manage your own DMP .

People with more experience will help you there.

Have subscribed to your thread.

redofromstart

Good luck with it, and welcome to the boards. Hope its goes ok today.

doingitanyway

I will be thinking of you today but whatever happens at the appointment there will be a way through this.
Well done for facing this and for attempting to get your OH onboard too

Honeysucklelou2

Well done for posting and making plans to reduce spending and to grow your business.

Scoops672

Thank you for your support guys, hopefully I'll not be a single lady by the end of the day and instead DH will be forgiving. I won't see him until the appointment now. Off to work to get those bills paid!

I'll post later about how it goes. The sun is finally shining too, so I'll take that as a positive sign.

RhiBi

I really hope today goes ok for you. You've recognised your problem and you're trying to deal with it. That should be commended xx

Scoops672

I've just used a mortgage calculator to work out how much I'd pay back if I put the cc on remortgage and I'd save quite a bit when I compare the interest rates. My monthly cc payments would be halved. However, I'm not sure if the interest is worked out differently for mge and cc, as I just used mse calculator to get a rough idea.

enthusiasticsaver

Scoops672 wrote: »

Dear All, I'm a newbie and have been a lurker for some time now. I love the diary threads, so I'm starting my own as a form of therapy and motivation. I've done TONS of research about debt and getting out of it, but I still feel like I know nothing. I'm a bit of a technopleb, so please forgive me if/when I don't understand the jargon/instructions etc. I'm a 46yo mum to an 8yo DS, with a 3 day a week regular paid job and self employed for 2-3 other days. (I recently took the job on to help pay back my debts). If you manage to get to the end without falling asleep then I commend you! Lol, I wish it would help me sleep.

Tomorrow, I think, may be a life changing day for me. One way or another. We have a mortgage appointment. DH is aware I have debts. He has none. He doesn't know exactly how much but it's around 10k more than it was 5 years ago when we last took out our current mortgage deal, and I was on £40k a year. 4 years ago I decided to go self employed as my dad died, and I had a bit of tough time with it all. We have separate finances on the whole, but both pay into a joint account for bills. This month I've not been able to pay my share, due to trying to keep on top of ccs/loans/buying stock for my business. I will catch it up but having done a SOA (on paper) it will be tricky doing it. Luckily, we have a buffer of about £1k in the joint account, so bills will still be paid from it, until I get up to date.

Anyway, as I said, meeting tomorrow 3.30pm, where it is likely to become apparent that hell will freeze over before we are granted a remortgage at a decent rate due to me running up my debts.

Here's where I'm at (it's even scarier typing it up than it was writing it)
Loan 1 - 11 months of £245 to pay (an end in sight for this one)
Loan 2 - 47 months of £253 to pay (a bit longer to go but an end in sight nevertheless)
CC1 - £6307 balance. £145 minimum payment 20% int.
CC2 - £8358 balance. £125 (£91 minimum payment) 0% on £5k for another 6 months. 18%int
CC3 - £4056 balance. £93 minimum payment 19% int
CC4 - £5234 balance. £63 minimum payment. 0% on £4434 for next 12 months. 19% otherwise.
Mum - £400 - says she wants to be last on my list as I've explained how deep I am in it bless her. (She has also had debt problems - is it genetic?)

My payments out are almost £1000 a month. Just on loans and cc. My payment to joint account is £700 a month - DH pays £1000. Plus we get a rental income from his other property if £400pm. This covers all essential joint expenses. I have worked out car, presents, clothes, other personal expenses to be an extra £300pm. I earn £919pm net on my 3 day a week job, so have to make the rest up from my SE job. Which to buy stock, pay petrol etc is £1400 a week. Or £700 a day (if doing just 2 days). Before I got my part time job, I was actually hitting the £1400 a week on 5 full days, so squishing this amount into 2 days and a couple of evenings has been really difficult. Really, really difficult. I'm knackered after a day of supply teaching, so I have ducked out of going on the road at times lately. I haven't been as focussed as I could be. Well, now the proverbial is about to hit the fan, I've got my finger out and really looked at where I'm at instead of coasting along. In 1.5 days this week I've managed to get £950. I'll do another £300 tomorrow I expect, but then I'm waiting for stock.

I am up to date with all my minimum payments. I've never defaulted on a payment yet (apart from owing £700 this month) but I've used my CC to buy stock on occasion. We have about 50% equity in our house. I need to reduce the debts, but I'm unsure what the best course of action is. I've done a debt remedy on Stepchange and researched each option (IVA, bankruptcy and DMP). I've looked at doing a DMP, but I'm fretting about defaulting on payments as I've never done that yet. I'm not sure if trying to remortgage to pay the highest interest cards off will be a solution or if I'll pay more that way - or even if we will be offered the chance to remortgage. (We have 10 years left on our remaining £75k mortgage - paying £800pm currently. House worth approx £150k. Rate 3.8% due to end in June).

DH has no time for debt. I keep trying to broach the subject but he either switches off or judges me. I feel so much guilt and shame about it all. Last night he found out his eldest has debts of £2500, with £1500 being a 50% interest rate and the other £1000 being overdraft. DH found out from eldest's partner (who has been reading bank statements and opening mail claiming baby did it the sneaky girl). She is threatening to leave DHs son now over these debts. DH came in ranting last night, about his son (my step son) and how stupid he is for getting into debt. He called his son some awful names. I cried inside, as he will be calling me the exact same names I imagine. I've pointed out that: 1. It's ultimately none of our business unless son approaches us and 2. DH needs to stop being judgemental and think about how to support his son without further borrowing being involved. I've mentioned the debt charities as a way to suggest support for his son, and said that with a good budget and the salary he is on he could be debt free in a matter of months. However, his reaction to his son has really scared me and I'm now worried he will go off on one and potentially leave/divorce me over the scale of my debts. (Silver lining (I always try to see one) - house sale would pay majority of debts off I suppose, and give me a fresh start financially but I don't want to lose DH over it).

I told him a couple of months ago about my worries to do with getting a mortgage, and that I've looked into an IVA and DMP. His reaction was 'well that's me screwed for getting a decent rate on the mortgage then'. I tried earlier to talk to him but he just looked the other way while I spoke. I'm terrified of what'll happen tomorrow.

I have a few of questions now:

1. If I do a DMP, do you have to default on payments to get interest frozen? And if so for how long? You would default immediately and stepchange would write and ask the creditors to freeze interest. They often do but sometimes they sell the debts on for a fixed amount and then the debt is frozen. It takes 6 years for the defaults to drop off your record.
2. Would it be better to partially consolidate via a remortgage deal? Especially since I could afford a lower payment over a longer period of time. Consolidation of debts rarely works and puts your home at risk. You run the risk of building up more debt having thought you cleared the debt when in fact you moved it. Paying it off on a mortgage may drop the monthly payments but in the long run it is more expensive. From the sound of it your DH may not agree to that anyway.
3. Is your home at risk if you do a DMP? no
4. Can DH remortgage by himself but my name still be on the deeds if I'm still contributing to repayments? (Though I think our joint account might scupper him from what I understand about him being tied to my credit rating in this way) no if the mortgage and house are in joint names it has to be joint. He will be financially linked to you so this will affect him

Already starting doing 'spend free days'. I do pack ups for work. I walk where I can. I'm selling on eBay. Just investigating local car boots to attend. Forever googling about how to make money but all suggestions are a bit naff I find, as they don't bring enough in. I thought of setting up a YouTube channel and monetising it for a passive income. I thought about a blog, but I'm not the best of writers and there's already so many out there. I have a couple of ideas of videos I might do, but I'm lacking time and I feel consumed by my debt predicament. It's all I can think about. I'm planning to grow my business this year and have a plan in action for that. My head is well and truly out of the sand now about it, but I'm confused about best route to take. I've reduced haircuts to 2 a year from 6 @ £50 a go - I'm going to just have a cut too, rather than colour to reduce even further. I've somehow broken the dryer, so clothes get dried with the airer now. Heating down a degree and on timer (though it'll be off altogether soon). I'm already a good shopper - I always check price per 100g, (I drive DH mad with that if he comes shopping with me), go for cheap cuts of meat, buy bulk, longest dates, quick sale etc. Still more to do like swapping to cheaper brands etc. Already swapped to cheaper supermarket, which is also closer. I feel guilty that I'm imposing a frugal lifestyle onto DH as he works so hard not to be in debt, yet I haven't managed to get out of it the past 10years. I've had it since he's met me - and it's grown, like a giant flesh-eating plant.

Still can't sleep. But feeling slightly better looking at all the stuff I'm doing to get back on track. If you stuck with me 'til the end of this first post then I truly appreciate and am grateful for your attention. It's more than I've had from DH sadly. Wishing myself some luck for tomorrow and hoping it's not going to be as disastrous as I anticipate. Next steps - find out what bank offers re mortgage. Ring someone for some debt counselling. Keep breathing.

Sam.

I would suggest you talk to your DH before the mortgage appointment tomorrow rather than let him hear it then. He needs to digest it first. It is such a large amount though so I wonder if you can pinpoint what it has been spent on as that may help you to explain to your DH. If it was trying to keep up with bills after dropping income then he is also partially responsible. Surely he knew that things were tough after losing your Dad? Was it trying to keep with the £1000 a month into the joint account or were you spending on other stuff?

Can you sell anything?

With the stress of self employment is it worth trying to get a full time job again?

Are you on top of tax for your self employment?

Going for a DMP will freeze the interest hopefully and you will have an affordable monthly payment. You won't be able to borrow and DH may be affected but given his antipathy to debt and your budgeting difficulties that may not be a problem.

You are best removing yourself from joint accounts and opening a clean bank account with a bank you don't owe anything to. No overdrafts or credit cards and you will need to learn to live within a budget. Put an soa up here as a start. There is a link on the DFW sticky on the first page. Save up an emergency fund and default ASAP so the 6 years will start ASAP. Write to your creditors explaining. They may want to see income and expenditure. Also give yourself a break. You aren't the first or last to go through a difficult time and get in a mess with money. Anything is fixable.

Debtnomoreplease

Didn't want to read and run.

Good luck today and remember no matter how awful things feel/are nothing is unfixable. It will probably be hell, but won't be forever. Just remind yourself, it's only money, you've not been given a health life sentence, so this can be fixed and you can live happily ever after (hoping your hubby sees it like this) If he is willing, maybe when things have calmed down have a look at Dave Ramsey's debt free scream on YouTube-they are amazing! Families have paid £1000s and £1000s off- so inspirational!

Just keep in mind:
1) we all make mistakes-we are human.
2) nothing is unfixable
3) With 100% determination and hardwork this can be cleaned up and you can carry on with your life debt free
4) You have absolutely down the right thing joining this site-such great support, which is so important when starting your debt free journey.

All the best, and hope you feel some kind of relief by the end of the day.